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Ooh, Another End Time Prediction

You gotta hand it to those persistent Christian eschatologists. They aren’t going to let a little thing like hundreds of failed predictions of the rapture and the second coming of Christ get in the way of making yet another one. The World Bible Society says it will happen by 2021:

Based on a lifetime study of Biblical hermeneutics, World Bible Society President. Dr. F. Kenton Beshore says the “Rapture” is likely to occur between now and 2021 and the Second Coming of Jesus Christ from 2018 and 2028.

Beshore — whose ministry has distributed nearly 60 million Bibles in 65 nations, including 10 million in Russia on former Communist Party propaganda presses — says he’s releasing the estimate at this time of global economic, political and spiritual crisis in hopes of inspiring believers to get prepared for the greatest opportunity for worldwide evangelism in the last 2,000 years.

As part of this effort, Beshore says his Costa Mesa, Calif.-based ministry is printing millions of copies of the 45-page Jewish Scriptures to distribute to Jews worldwide before the seven-year Tribulation period. Beshore hopes Jews will read the books containing Biblical prophecies about Jesus’ first and second comings and become some of the “144,000 Billy Grahams” described in Revelation 7 that will lead billions to Christ during the Tribulation.

“There are 144,000 Jews during the Tribulation who are going to turn to the Lord,” says Beshore — the 86-year-old father of Kenton Beshore, pastor of Mariner’s Church in Irvine, Calif., one of the nation’s 25 largest churches. “Now, we are all going to be gone (following the Rapture).

“But if we can get our Jewish Scriptures into their hands now, the Holy Spirit will lead them to them at the right time. They may have set them aside, but they will read them, turn to the Lord and lead billions and billions to Jesus.”

Fun stuff!

Comments

  1. imrryr says

    Beshore hopes Jews will read the books containing Biblical prophecies about Jesus’ first and second comings and become some of the “144,000 Billy Grahams” described in Revelation 7 that will lead billions to Christ during the Tribulation.

    Whoa… what edition of the New Testament is this guy reading?

  2. says

    I would like to purchase all that church’s property for $1000, payable now, with the understanding that they can keep and use it until 2021, at which point I get to take possession. Since they will have been raptured up to paradise, they will have no need of it after 2021, plus they get a “free” $1000 today! Everyone wins!!

    Unless they know they are full of shit and will be here in 2022…

  3. blf says

    Beshore — whose ministry has distributed nearly 60 million Bibles in 65 nations, including 10 million in Russia on former Communist Party propaganda presses …

    They have that many presses in Russia? I’m impressed!
    But what’s the point of distributing a book of faerie tales apparently physically on a press? I’d think that make it hard to read, much less distribute.

    (Methinks there’s a missing “printed” in there…)

  4. otrame says

    Revelations says those 144k Jews (who have not “known” a woman–so either virgins or gay) are the only ones who will be saved. It most assuredly does not say they will be missionaries.

    The trouble with those guys is that they think that just because their congregations don’t actually read the bible means that no one else does either.

  5. frankb says

    10 million in Russia on former Communist Party propaganda presses

    Anything the communists print is propaganda but anything the World Bible Society prints is the true word of God even when it fails to happen again and again. ….ok, got it.

  6. alanuk says

    “144,000 Billy Grahams”????

    Doesn’t he know that BG has already gone over to the dark side. He endorses Romney and then takes down his web-page condemning Mormonism.

    [Actually I think this was the work of another hand]

  7. Ellie says

    I have 7 Bibles and can’t find “144,000 Billy Grahams” in any of them. Perhaps I should buy one of his, so I have the correct translation? Oh…

  8. dingojack says

    How about the gospel according Simon and Garfunkel?

    “…And the people bowed and prayed
    To the neon god they made
    And the sign flashed out it’s warning
    In the words it was forming
    And the sign said: ‘The words of of the prophets are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls’
    And whispered in the sounds of silence
    …”

    Dingo

  9. davem says

    But if we can get our Jewish Scriptures into their hands now, the Holy Spirit will lead them to them at the right time.

    God really hates this sort of stuff. There he is, studying his 6000 year-old master plan, and these idiots still want to interfere with it. Bad enough that they keep asking him daily to change his plan for the universe with requests for their teams to win on Saturday, but now they want to supply even more male Jewish virgins, just in case the omnipotent god can’t come up with them?

    Revelations says those 144k Jews (who have not “known” a woman–so either virgins or gay) are the only ones who will be saved

    It seems to me that a good way to fuck up their minds might be to insist that the 144,000 saved are all gay men. That’ll freak them out.

  10. baal says

    “Second Coming of Jesus Christ from 2018 and 2028.”

    Well, it least this guy learned something from watching weather forecasts. I wonder if the magic talisman distribution (bibles, cause they are full of god power) can make it harder or easier to Jesus to come again. If we got a warehouse and filled it with bibles, would it be repressed in a red light district or enhanced by being right next to a mega-church?

  11. blf says

    If we got a warehouse and filled it with bibles, would it be repressed in a red light district or enhanced by being right next to a mega-church?

    I think it’s supposed to be scattered all about the place, not concentrated. Think shield

  12. slc1 says

    Re Dingojack @ #9

    AFAIK, neither William or Graham is a Hebrew name. Perhaps Prof. Heddle knows better.

  13. John Hinkle says

    Sigh. God sits around for billions of years, drumming his fingertips on his chin, gets bored, and creates Earth as the center of the Universe. He screws it up and reboots it with a flood. Things get outta hand again, so he sacrifices himself to himself, and everyone is saved who believes in the sacrifice, for which there is no evidence. The others will burn in hell. God/Jesus rolls some dice and decides at some arbitrary, mysterious time after the resurrection, he will return. Why this return is needed, who knows? But it’s gonna be a bloodbath, with frogs and locusts and all sorts of stuff, like a B science fiction movie.

    And then people try to make predictions based on this?

    Weird.

  14. Draken says

    I can’t say this, it’s too easy. Must not say it. Must… not…

    This time, he’d better beshore!

    Oh drat now I said it anyway.

  15. fastlane says

    I wish I could convince these wankers to put their money where their loud mouths are. Unfortunately, all they want to do is get other people to put money in their pockets.

  16. caseloweraz says

    Well, shoot! After the collision (or near passage) of Nibiru o/a 21 December destroys the Earth (or just civilization), God will have to rebuild things so he can tear them down again. It seems like he makes a lot of work for himself.

    BTW: I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that Nibiru spelled backward is Uribin — as in “You ribbin’?”

  17. says

    “Hey – SLC, Heddle etc.
    What’s the original Greek or Hebrew for “Billy Graham”?
    Dingo”

    Greek or Hebrew I can’t help you with. Yiddish?

    Momser, schmuck, putz, pisher, shyster–take your pick.

  18. raven says

    Based on a lifetime study of Biblical hermeneutics,…

    Which is equivalent to a lifetime study of Lord of the Rings, Spiderman comics, or Superman comics.

  19. Crudely Wrott says

    Beshore — . . . — says he’s releasing the estimate at this time of global economic, political and spiritual crisis in hopes of inspiring believers to . . . [blah blah blah]

    Pray tell, Mr. Beshore (by the way, your name suggests that you have run aground — sorry ’bout that), when in the course of human history, or the history of the entire world, has there not existed conditions of economic, political and spiritual crisis? In your opinion, that is.

    This is the common MO of your stripe. Always crisis, always trouble, always strife therefore the only hope is to invoke magic intervention. You and your ilk have been invoking such without pause for as long as memory extends. Yet there is still crisis, need, want, failure, injustice, mean and nasty people taking from the kind and meek and every other sort of misfortune.

    Tell me, then, Mr. Beshore, from your perch upon the ragged rocks on the shore of reality, when are your hatreds and appeals to the father of all hatreds going to actually make one jot or tittle of difference? When? How?

    What the fuck does it take to get your god to get off the pot and actually do something!!!!????

    I won’t waste any time waiting for an answer. This is purely and exercise in semantics; something that you are not mature enough to address. Even given how dearly you love the noise you make when you think you are actually trying to address the issue.

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