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Oct 26 2012

John Rocker: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

I’m so happy that the Worldnutdaily decided to give racist former Major League Baseball pitcher John Rocker his own column. He’s as much of a dolt as the other members of their has-been brigade (Chuck Norris, Victoria Jackson, Pat Boone), but his writing is much funnier to read because it’s just so obvious that he’s trying so hard to sound smarter and better educated than he actually is. You’re gonna love this sentence:

We haven’t quite reached the level of expectable in the American mentality as it relates to the deterioration of individual responsibility and its replacement by the proverbial government crutch, but rest assured that day is just around the corner.

Wow. That’s just breathtaking. The next one is just ignorant:

The mid-’60s Democratic Congress along with Lyndon Johnson orchestrated the once “taboo” New Deal, which was destine to eradicate poverty forever!

Uh, no. The New Deal was FDR’s program. LBJ’s program was called the Great Society.

20 comments

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  1. 1
    bcmystery

    I got dumber as I read those quotes. Perhaps his evil plan is working.

  2. 2
    Quodlibet

    Worldnutdaily could ease unemployment by hiring some competent editors.

  3. 3
    Gregory in Seattle

    New Deal, Great Society… they’re all part of a librul conspiracy to hand Amurika over to the homosekshals and commies. But I was a star pitcher! I was, reall! My opinion counts more than yours!

  4. 4
    tsig

    Will no one think of the language?

  5. 5
    Jordan Genso

    As I was trying to decipher what he was saying in that first paragraph, it reminded me of trying to read a foreign language that I have some familiarity with. I recognize the nouns and verbs, but their use and order is so strange that I just have to try to get a vague impression of the overall statement.

  6. 6
    baal

    ” but rest assured that day is just around the corner.”

    You know what other day is just around the corner? The end of the world.

  7. 7
    dingojack

    I wonder when WhirledNutsDaily will reach the ‘expectable level of mentality’ to provide Mr Rocker with a ghost-writer?
    Dingo

  8. 8
    Marcus Ranum

    We really haven’t reached the level of expectable, yet. It seems like Rocker has, though.

  9. 9
    John Hinkle

    We have to wonder at what level of relatable Rocker’s writing has to be in terms of the resonatableness for his intended audience wherein someone – anyone – can understand what the fuck he’s saying.

  10. 10
    jamessweet

    We haven’t quite reached the level of expectable in the World Net Daily writing standards as it relates to the deterioration of word order and its replacement by the proverbial word salad — oh wait, yes we have.

  11. 11
    Larry

    Me fail English? That’s unpossible!

  12. 12
    comfychair

    Reminds me of Dubya, when in his speechifyin’ he would come to a word you could pretty much tell was new to him, and he’d e-nun-ci-ate it in the extreme, unlike the slurred, shushy pronunciation of all the words to either side of it. And you just knew, that he was thinking, “hey man, ain’t that a great word there! ‘Sovereignty’! ‘Sov-er-eign–ty’!! I’m gonna say it real clear like, so ever’body else can learn this cool new word too!”

  13. 13
    rmsc

    That was a 100 mph fastball on the Dunning-Kruger scale.

  14. 14
    composer99

    Mr Rocker, I award you no points.

  15. 15
    jesse

    How much does WND pay? I think I could crank out a few for ‘em. And in English, too. I’d be the easiest assignment I ever got.

  16. 16
    wherearemybeets

    That sentence reminded me of something Oswald Bates would write, only less risqué.

  17. 17
    Captain Mike

    @ Quodlibet @#2: Competent editors generally prefer to work under competent publishers. Joseph Farah’s track record in the mainstream media suggests that he, purely from the standpoint of commercial success, sucks donkey balls.

  18. 18
    Zugswang

    For all that time he spent consulting the buzzword thesaurus, you’d think he’d have looked at an American history text while he was at it.

  19. 19
    fifthdentist

    DemocratIC Congress? John, John, John, you’re going to have to leave off the i and the c to produce that special wingnuttian flavor of insult. Using the proper word in that instance shows that you’re an amateur.

  20. 20
    andrewlephong

    Rocker’s the English language’s savior. Who else will lead these campaigns?

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