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Oct 19 2012

Beck: Romney = Abraham Lincoln

Glenn Beck and David Barton waxed eloquent on Beck’s show recently about the absurd claim that Lincoln’s declaration of a day of prayer won the civil war, and then Beck declared, and Barton agreed, that Mitt Romney is the next Abraham Lincoln because he’ll listen to God. You can’t make this shit up.

24 comments

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  1. 1
    Gregory in Seattle

    If prayer is so powerful, then why not bring all of our soldiers home from the Middle East and hold a tent meeting revival instead?

  2. 2
    richardelguru

    They think someone will shoot him in a theatre??

  3. 3
    iangould

    I thought Abraham lincoln was a power-mad dictator who killed hundreds of thousands as part of his plot to subvert the US constitution?

  4. 4
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    I do believe I just vomited a bit.

  5. 5
    blf

    The BARD™ (Barton Ad-hoc Reality Distorter) just exploded in a shower of sparks…

    The BARF™ (Beck Assault Reason Flintlock) keeps melting from the sustained rate of fire…

  6. 6
    dingojack

    So if Rmoney gets elected we can expect the southern states to secede?
    And how will Romoney handle the seizing of the Trent by the San Jancinto?
    Dingo

  7. 7
    marcozandrini

    Romney = Lincoln? Let’s see:
    - Lincoln freed the slaves; Romney enslaved pensioners
    - Lincoln’s cabinet was composed of men (hey, it was the 1860s!!) from all parties; Gov Romney cabinet had “binders of women”
    - Lincoln led the North in war, which ultimately reunited the United States; Romney spent about 2 years in France as a morman missionary even though he supported the war as a Stanford student
    - Lincoln fired generals for incompetence; Romney likes to fire people who “provide him services”
    - Lincoln was a man of the people; Romney is a man of the people as long as those “people” are corporations ( “my friend”)
    - Lincoln was steadfast in his beliefs; Romney is the “great flipflopper”
    - Lincoln believed in the Union; Romney hates unions

    So easy!

  8. 8
    skinnercitycyclist

    Is it my imagination or is Barton’s hunched-over, clasped-hands pose and dessicated features beginning to reveal him as the illegitimate son of Pat Robertson?

  9. 9
    jaranath

    “You can’t make this shit up.”

    Barton might dispute that claim.

  10. 10
    thalwen

    He’ll listen to God? Glen Beck must think Karl Rove is God.

  11. 11
    democommie

    Jaranth @9 beat me to it, but why can’t you make this shit up, THEY DO!

    “Is it my imagination or is Barton’s hunched-over, clasped-hands pose and dessicated features beginning to reveal him as the illegitimate son of Pat Robertson?”

    No, he’s the template for Mr. Burns from “The Simpsons”.

  12. 12
    coragyps

    thalwen – do you mean Karl Rove isn’t God!??!

  13. 13
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    So .. that Means Mittens is secretly a vampire hunter?

    (Or was that George Washington?)

  14. 14
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    “Romney could be Abraham Lincoln” – because he’ll go back intime , substitute for the original and take his place in history?

    (Pictures Mitt the Shit trying to grow Lincolnesque beard wearing beard and wearing stovepipe hat and tails. Nah.)

    Still, it makes about as much sense and is possibly more plausible than the alternative really, no?

  15. 15
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Fuck I can’t type. Especially when tired and half drunk. Sorry folks, y’all get the gist I hope.

  16. 16
    blf

    Karl Rove isn’t God!??!

    Karl the Snarl isn’t known to have spoken via a burning bush. Via a Bush puppet operated by a Cheney, but neither was burning.

  17. 17
    thalwen

    Karl Rove isn’t God!??!
    I imagine God being less.. I don’t know..pig-like? More smitey?

    StevoR:
    If that happened. Then Abe Romney would be for freeing the slaves until he changed his mind, then tax cuts, and more slavery because slaves aren’t job creators and need to take more responsibility. But I bet he’d have binders full of black people.

  18. 18
    savagemutt

    The really spooky thing is that Lincoln had a secretary named Romney, while Romney has a secretary whose name he’s never bothered to learn.

  19. 19
    davidhart

    “Via a Bush puppet operated by a Cheney, but neither was burning.”

    Hey, you know the phrase ‘The stupid – it burns’? Does W not come into that class? :-P

  20. 20
    zentrout

    “Mitt Romney is the next Abraham Lincoln because he’ll listen SOME god.”
    Lincoln and Romney believe in different gods. Fixed it for him.

  21. 21
    Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    Romney? Humble?

    Even in Glennbeckistan that counts as serious insanity.

  22. 22
    sc_cdbb71d500af161728a7c68b8a3b7c90

    It’s surprising that with Mitt Romney’s transparent honesty, Beck hasn’t compared him with George Washington.

  23. 23
    flashbazzzbo

    Ah,the Lincoln/Romney Coincidences!I cant think of any right off hand,except for the fact that they both have given speeches that inspired millions and have resonated throughout the ages……Right?

  24. 24
    iangould

    People, people people.

    It’s real simple: as faithful Mormons both romney and Beck know that God regularly manifests himself physically in order to speak directly to the members of the Church Presidency.

    So if Mitt wants to know God’s will on any topic he just needs to call Salt Lake City.

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