Here’s another one of those awesomely idiotic emails that are sent to Mikey Weinstein every day. It has all the hallmarks of wingnut letters — randomly capitalized words, missing or extra punctuation, misspelled names. Is there a Word template for this? If not, someone should make one.
> From: E-Mail Address Withheld
Subject: christian USA
Date: October 2, 2012 5:37:01 PM MDT
To: Information WeinsteinMr. Weinstin, you just have to suck the Jesus out of this country’s fine army and its rifle weapons don’t you? Now you wont even let the chaplins pray for Jesus blessing so the GIs will stop killing all of themselves. Murderer! What kind of evil one are you? I know you are Jew lawyer and hate those of us who profess the Word for Jesus. Youhave made big name for yourself as fighting against the Christian nature and law of America. And its military defenders. Why? The USA was and will always be based upon the Word of Christ and only that. Others may live hear but they will hear His Word. And surrender to His will and His love. There is nothing you can do to stop it. There is no other way than Jesus. For our army and for you. Only damnation and the service of the devil which you do. and force others to bend to your evil like that dead Seal. You will be dead one day too, Mr. Weinstin. Better think on that awhile. and how hot hell will be for you. You and your devil slaves deserve no mercy from Jesus. None.
Can you suck the Jesus out of this country with a straw? Or would it require something stronger?
34 comments
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Michael Heath
October 6, 2012 at 9:39 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It’s genius when expressed as a beat poem.
elipson
October 6, 2012 at 9:48 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I would pay good money to see that Michael. There’s plenty of the Christian drivel around, so potentially it could become an entire CD collection?
Christian Hate Mails – A Beat Poem
John Hinkle
October 6, 2012 at 9:58 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
If I were Mikey my response would be:
Whatever.
Wes
October 6, 2012 at 10:09 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Ew.
dingojack
October 6, 2012 at 10:23 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’d pay money to see this wingnut demonstarte how to suck someone (such as themselves for example) through a rifled weapon.
Dingo
thalwen
October 6, 2012 at 10:34 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
These bastions of heterosexuality sure seem to be preoccupied with sucking and having things rammed down their throat.
Jeremy Shaffer
October 6, 2012 at 10:35 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’ve heard of people being able to suck the chrome off a bumper or trailor hitch before but I think someone is getting a little carried away with the metaphors here.
ewanmacdonald
October 6, 2012 at 10:37 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Rifle weapons!
d.c.wilson
October 6, 2012 at 10:48 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Don’t be ridiculous. You have to suck it out with a rifle weapon.
tbp1
October 6, 2012 at 11:40 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@Michael #1: Great observation. I was imagining it with flute and bongoes in the background, like Big Daddy’s version of Within, Without You.
chrisellinger
October 6, 2012 at 11:44 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It’s missing the Key Element of the crazy rant,,,, the string of commas as an idea spacing device,,,,,this proves that this is a Fake Letter that was Dictated by Jew Satan. Who is against America and Jesus,,,,,,,and Straws! You had better hope you’re Affairs are in order when the Revelation comes to take Us all up to sit by the Side of the Lord while you are Cast into the Lake of Fire to burn for Eternity in Hell…..
Marcus Ranum
October 6, 2012 at 11:46 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Whenever I do that, I dress in a victorian gurkha rifles jacket, a ballerina’s tutu, with my wrists tied behind my back, and kneel with my mouth over the flash suppressor, give the end of the rifle weapon a few flicks of my tongue, and then start to suck the jesus out of it.
Project much?
John Pieret
October 6, 2012 at 11:58 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Can you suck the Jesus out of this country with a straw? Or would it require something stronger?
Don’t know, but you could suck the author’s brains out through a pinhole.
timgueguen
October 6, 2012 at 12:41 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
How dumb is Jesus anyway? He’s taken to trying to hide in firearms if this guy is to be believed. Someone should notify the NRA.
oranje
October 6, 2012 at 1:01 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
If there’s a template, Clippy probably bends into a crucifix. “It looks like you’re writing Christian Nationalist drivel. I’ll shut off spell and grammar check for you.”
Chiroptera
October 6, 2012 at 2:06 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Wingnut McStupid: …you just have to suck the Jesus out of this country’s fine army and its rifle weapons don’t you?
lol wut?
I can just see the Antichrist in his lair:
“Behold, Igor, my latest weapon to remove the Jesus from America: The Christ-o-vac!”
rikitiki
October 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Ed, that template is the same as the “Kidnapper’s Template”: the one where each letter is in a different font/size with random caps here and there — y’know, just like the old newspaper-letters ransom notes.
laurentweppe
October 6, 2012 at 2:21 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
fifthdentist
October 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
What an awesome turn of phrase.
“Hey, Bob, how was your anniversary last night.”
“I gotta tell ya, Jane sucked the Jesus out of me.”
(Non-terrorist fist bumps are exchanged).
And … scene.
DaveL
October 6, 2012 at 7:51 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Damn, and to think I get impressed when someone can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
What is this, 1812?
<monocle>I say, old chap, have you seen those greenjackets with their newfangled rifle weapons?</monocle>
Dan J
October 6, 2012 at 11:28 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Wow. Now I’m going to have to try to record a beat poem version of this for YouTube. (Gotta have a hobby for Sunday mornings, right?)
drizzt
October 6, 2012 at 11:36 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It’s easy to do such a mail, come on… just go to Word 2010 (dunno about 2012 :)) options > formatting > Style > Download Style : Neonazi/Nutcase/Racist Generic. Then you just fill in the blanks for the names :)
tubi
October 7, 2012 at 2:18 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I read the first line of the email and thought it was a complaint about the repeal of DADT.
chrinamint
October 7, 2012 at 6:16 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
laurentweppe: You beat me to it!! Dang it!
reddiaperbaby1942
October 7, 2012 at 9:13 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
yes, we’re all very witty and these comments are amusing, but the fact is this kind of thing isn’t really funny. It’s terrifying to think there are actually people out there who think this way, and who are so lacking in education that they can be manipulated into doing anything whatsoever.
Sorry to be so lacking in a sense of humor! I recently saw the documentary on the “Third Wave” experiment in the Palo Alto high school in 1967. It apparently took just a few days to bring about a fascist mentality; and these were kids from educated middle-class families.
So no, I don’t think this is all that funny.
Ichthyic
October 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
coming next:
same person tells us how the homos are RAMMING their agenda DOWN THEIR THROAT.
Ichthyic
October 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@25:
sorry, some use humor to deflect. It’s a good defense mechanism.
Ichthyic
October 7, 2012 at 5:01 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“Behold, Igor, my latest weapon to remove the Jesus from America: The Christ-o-vac!”
where can I buy one?
would be quite a useful damn gadget!
F
October 7, 2012 at 8:59 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Ohhhhhh, baybee.
Now I’m really wet.
I’ve got Jesus. Deep in my rifle.
F
October 7, 2012 at 9:03 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
reddiaperbaby1942
Mockery is a weapon.
birgerjohansson
October 8, 2012 at 4:42 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“devil slaves”?
I am a minion, at the very least.
— — — — — — — —
“The USA was and will always be based upon the Word of Christ and only that”
Did the word of Christ tell the Merkuns to give indians blankets infected with smallpox?
“and only that”
…so we can throw out the algebra textbooks. Yay!
— — — — — — — — — — — —
Sometimes, I think the fundies believe Dr Who episodes like “The Pyramids of Mars” or “The Hand of Fear” are documentaries. Ancient horrors released by mortal collaborators.
baal
October 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“You and your devil slaves deserve no mercy from Jesus”
Oh, goody. And once you’re a devil slave, we need not concern ourselves with your health, well being or rights. It’s the passive-aggressive way to violence (and a nice Overton window pull on decency).
caseloweraz
October 8, 2012 at 12:39 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“Mr. Weinstin (sic), you just have to suck the Jesus out of this country’s fine army and its rifle weapons don’t you?”
You know, you can take this as a sarcastic complaint, or you can take it as a sort of advice. I mean, Mikey Weinstein’s goal AIUI is to remove the “Jesus fever” from our military service members. (Removing it from rifle weapons would be optional.)
>i>”and force others to bend to your evil like that dead Seal.”
For a minute, I thought he was referring to the singer Seal (full name = Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel). But he’s alive and well.
neXus
October 8, 2012 at 12:42 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Here is what Mikey REALLY needs to suck the Jesus out of America!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VptOUWC-Itc