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Sep 30 2012

Newt’s Latest WTF Statement

We’re certainly accustomed to hearing Newt Gingrich deliver baffling and bizarre pronouncements, but this one seems particularly odd to me. I have no idea what the hell he’s trying to say here.

“He really is like the substitute referees in the sense that he’s not a real president. He doesn’t do anything that presidents do, he doesn’t worry about any of the things the presidents do,” Gingrich said on Fox News’s “On the Record with Greta Van Susteren.” “But he has the White House. He has enormous power. And he’ll go down in history as the president, and I suspect that he’s pretty contemptuous of the rest of us.”

Um. Okay. Then he engages in some Bryan Fischer-level mind-reading:

“Hillary Clinton is a serious person. Barack Obama is an ambitious person. They’re very different personalities. Hillary Clinton gets up every day thinking about public policy. Barack Obama gets up everyday thinking about Barack Obama,” Gingrich said.

Says one of the most absurdly narcissistic men ever to hold public office in this country. For crying out loud, I bet when Newt masturbates, he looks at a picture of himself.

29 comments

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  1. 1
    Modusoperandi

    For crying out loud, I bet when Newt masturbates, he looks at a picture of himself.

    Actually, he’s cheating on the current hand with the other one.

  2. 2
    Joey Maloney

    What’s Newt saying? The same thing he’s always saying: “Me! Me! Me! Look at ME! Pay attention to ME! Give your money to ME!”

  3. 3
    laurentweppe

    For crying out loud, I bet when Newt masturbates, he looks at a picture of himself.

    Sache, petit homme, qu’Alain Delon peut maintenir une érection de plus de 48 heures simplement en posant le regard sur une photo… d’Alain Delon
    (french joke: it completly makes sense in context, thought)

  4. 4
    John Hinkle

    Here, I’ll translate for you.

    He’s saying Obama is like a substitute president. He doesn’t worry about presidential stuff. He’s powerful. History will record him as president and he has contempt for everyone else.

    Huh. That doesn’t make it any clearer, does it. It’s almost like Newt is artificially intelligent. Each sentence is its own paragraph, but nothing connects them.

  5. 5
    Artor

    “I bet when Newt masturbates, he looks at a picture of himself.”

    Not at all, he has people to do that for him. Doesn’t he pay Callista in Tiffany’s to do that job? Personally, I think she’s not getting paid enough.

  6. 6
    Trebuchet

    It’s almost like Newt is artificially intelligent.

    Sorry, he’s not passing the Turing Test.

  7. 7
    reverendrodney

    “Hillary Clinton gets up every day thinking about public policy.”
    Come 2016 he will deny saying that.

    But then, by 2016 he’ll probably be on wife #4, have become a Quaker or Mormon (or fill in the blank), and have contrived some new motto, such as “Fidelity For America” or some such crap.

  8. 8
    Phillip IV

    For crying out loud, I bet when Newt masturbates, he looks at a picture of himself.

    Or at a picture of Obama.

    But it’s really startling to see how much of the GOP’s criticism of Obama isn’t actually aimed at any of the many things you could rightfully criticize about him and his policies, but at a completely conjectural ‘real’ Obama only they are able to perceive.

    And it’s even more startling to see that they think that’s any way to make a rational argument.

  9. 9
    dingojack

    MO – has his right hand come down with cancer or something?
    Dingo

  10. 10
    Modusoperandi

    dingojack, carpal tunnel syndrome.

  11. 11
    Larry

    Just another dog whistle to the racist RW: a black man incapable of fulfilling the responsibilities of his position.

    Move along. Nothing to see here.

  12. 12
    MikeMa

    He seems to be nominating a conscientious, capable Hillary for 2016. Way to go Newt!

    Speculation: The disjointed and probably racist Obama comments might have started as a coherent thought when he got up that morning but Newt’s Amazing Brain(tm) got hold of it and puked out the result.

  13. 13
    dingojack

    MO – well then Amphibian should leave off pulling cars and settle for just pulling his dick (assuming wife #n can find it, that is).
    Dingo

  14. 14
    kantalope

    If there are going to be references to Newt and anything sexual there needs to be a warning at the top and some kind of spoiler cover at the bottom.

    That is one mental image I did not need…….ever.

  15. 15
    dingojack

    Apologies.
    :) Dingo

  16. 16
    Dr X

    @dingo:

    MO – has his right hand come down with cancer or something?

    No, the clap.

  17. 17
    leonardschneider

    Wait a minute… Newt Gingrich has genitalia like normal humans? I’m amazed.

  18. 18
    Modusoperandi

    leonardschneider “Wait a minute… Newt Gingrich has genitalia like normal humans? I’m amazed.”
    Genitalia? Yes. Like normal humans? No. They look like a stalk of half-husked maize above two zebra potatoes (one of which is considerably smaller than the other). You should see them. They’re really quite…traumatizing.

  19. 19
    iainr

    Mental images of Newt masturbating. Thanks for that.

    Are you trying to scare people off reading your blog?

    Eugghh. I need a shower. Possibly in bleach.

  20. 20
    KathyO

    “He doesn’t do anything that presidents do”

    Like be white?

  21. 21
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    KathyO @20:
    Or be Christian?

  22. 22
    d cwilson

    Well, it makes as much sense as his “Obama is anti-colonial” remark.

    But it’s really startling to see how much of the GOP’s criticism of Obama isn’t actually aimed at any of the many things you could rightfully criticize about him and his policies, but at a completely conjectural ‘real’ Obama only they are able to perceive.

    It’s been that way almost from the moment they realized he was going to be the 2008 nominee. The GOP’s entire strategy when dealing with Obama is to redefine him as an alien Manchurian candidate who is “not like us”. And the reason why is because they can’t deal with him the way they really want to, which is jump up and down like Michael Richards on speed shouting, “He’s a n*gger!!”

  23. 23
    Squiddhartha

    This one seems obvious enough to me. The replacement refs are the current thing “everybody” hates, so Obama must be like them! Somehow! Please?!

  24. 24
    criticaldragon1177

    Ed Brayton,

    I think Newt Gingrich is guilty of assuming a lot of things.

  25. 25
    matty1

    @18 – your knowledge of Gingrich’s genitals disturbs me, you’re not trying to be #4 are you?

  26. 26
    Pieter B, FCD

    I bet when Newt masturbates, he looks at a picture of himself

    …and screams his own name when he cums.

  27. 27
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @Dr. X -#16

    @dingo:

    MO – has his right hand come down with cancer or something?

    No, the clap.

    So… what is the sound of one hand… oh, never mind.

  28. 28
    scienceavenger

    The more the GOP talks, the more apropos the empty chair skit seems. Never mind the real Obama, just make up whatever fictional version you want and criticize that.

  29. 29
    fifthdentist

    Also, Newt doesn’t do anything a president does — because he’s not president.
    Even in a field of totally craz(ier)* candidates than himself and Mitt Romney Newt couldn’t even make a serious race for the nomination. In a race reminiscent of the tortoise v. the hare — or rather a tortoise v. a field full of insane and even slower tortoises, Mitt prevailed. I bet Mike Huckabee is kicking himself because if any year was his, this was it.
    This also may show that the Teabagger tide crested in 2008 and with any luck from now on will just be a trickle running down the legs of fear-fueled racists.

    * Bachmann and Perry and Cain, oh my!

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