The Worldnutdaily’s Latest Smear Job »« Federer: Obama Planning October Surprise

God: Deadbeat Dad

The Worldnutdaily has a very amusing headline that is, unsurprisingly, just another fake adverticle, a “news” article that is really just an ad for a book they’re selling. And though they only refer to a “Christian author,” it’s actually Joe Kovacs, one of their reporters. Here’s the headline:

CHRISTIAN AUTHOR: GOD IS HAVING OFFSPRING
‘The children of cats are cats. What are the children of God?’


And the article is just a bunch of religio-babble:

Joe Kovacs, a Bible-believing Christian, was just interviewed by the Good News magazine, and was asked by reporter Jerold Aust, “Who are the children of God? What makes them so, or is this simply in-house religious talk?”

Kovacs responded, “If you just look at the natural world around us, you realize that everything reproduces. They have children or offspring after their own kind. I mean, the children of giraffes are giraffes. The children of cats are cats. And what are the children of God? You know people have to come to that conclusion: we’re not here for no good reason. The Bible calls us “the OFFSPRING of God.” (Acts 17:29) It uses the word offspring.

“God is having offspring. And countless times, you will see the phrase ‘children of God’ or ‘sons of God’ in the Bible. In fact, in the famous Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, ‘Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.’ Paul says in Romans 8:14, ‘For as many are as led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.’ I show you many more verses in ‘The Divine Secret’ but over and over again, the Bible calls us ‘sons of God,’ ‘children of God.’ He (God) says ‘I will be your Father and you will be my sons and daughters,’ (2 Corinthians 6:18), so Jesus is not the only son of God. He’s the only begotten Son of God from the way He came into the Earth, but God wants all of us to be sons of God and children of God.”

But here’s my favorite part, where Kovacs suddenly lapses into urban slang:

Kovacs explained, “Right now, in our current form, we’re not there yet, so I don’t want to boost anybody’s ego and make them think that they are the bomb because it’s simply not the case yet.”

Yeah, we aren’t “the bomb” yet. Well, except some Muslims.

Comments

  1. busterggi says

    I always felt Pacino’s speech near the end of ‘The Devil’s Advocate’ summed up the Abrahamic god perfectly.

    John Milton (Al Pacino): Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He’s a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It’s the goof of all time. Look but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, don’t swallow. Ahaha. And while you’re jumpin’ from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He’s laughin’ His sick, fuckin’ ass off! He’s a tight-ass! He’s a SADIST! He’s an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER!

  2. Mr Ed says

    How can this still be seen as a monotheistic religion if god reproduced, with whom, and had nascent divine offspring. Is this a swing toward Mormonism where well each become gods of Kobol if we live our lives right, and were born male.

    I don’t know about the rest of you but I’m hoping to be a god like Zuul from Ghost Busters.

  3. says

    The Hermetics believe we are the offspring of the divine, too. However, their divine parent wants us to grow up and be smart and strong adult divinities, so encourages questioning and studying the world.

  4. Abby Normal says

    The children of cats are cats. And what are the children of God? … Right now, in our current form, we’re not there yet

    Make up your mind.

  5. blf says

    I’d amend the snark at the end, “Well, except some Muslims”, to something like “Well, except some idiots”.

    Not all suicide bombers claim to be Muslim (e.g., the Tamil Tigers), and many Muslims disavow those who do make such a claim.

    </pedant>

  6. jba55 says

    Mr Ed: “Is this a swing toward Mormonism where well each become gods of Kobol if we live our lives right”

    Now you’re just being ridiculous. First off, it’s “Kolob” not “Kobol” (really, how could you make such a mistake? This is Serious Theology, not science fiction!). And it’s not where good Mormons will become gods, it’s the heavenly body closest to the Throne of God (TM)!

    Snark aside though, it does sound an awful lot like this clown is suggesting something reminiscent of what I learned in LDS Sunday school. I would love to go point it out to him in the comments, but I’m heavily allergic to WND.

  7. Sastra says

    Strewth #4 wrote:

    The Hermetics believe we are the offspring of the divine, too. However, their divine parent wants us to grow up and be smart and strong adult divinities, so encourages questioning and studying the world.

    Is there any religious sect — up to and including fundamentalists — which insists that they DON’T “encourage questioning and studying the world?” Is there any religion which doesn’t, at some point, say that God wants His followers to grow up and be smart and strong (even if they are simultaneously supposed to humble themselves and become as children)? As far as I can tell, they all do. The above paragraph could have been written from any spiritual position.

    I think you’re not asking yourself good enough questions.

  8. zippythepinhead says

    In Greek mythology, the children of gods and humans were demi-gods. I was thinking about this the other day, that the god of Pat Robertson and his ilk was essentially Zeus. Zeus was alternatively pissed off or loving. When pissed off he would send lighting, floods, earthquakes. When “loving” he would come down to earth, have his way, leave, and produce Jesus. So Pat’s a Zeus-worshipping pagan, pure and simple.

  9. dugglebogey says

    Why is it that people who read the bible and believe are completely unable to understand metaphor?

    Saying “people are gods children” does not mean “people come from god’s vagina.”

    In the same way guys who make wristwatches or write computer programs can call their output their “little children” but that does not mean that they are literally little parts of them. They are creations, not in the way children are created, but how ideas are formed and molded.

    If you believe in that kind of shit. Which I don’t. Because if god was LITERALLY everyone’s father, he’d be the shittiest dad in the history of parenthood.

  10. oranje says

    Ugh. I hate this style of argument. Every creature reproduces, therefore God must reproduce, therefore my terrible plot for the Universe. It’s as bad as the idea that a watch is complicated and must have a designer. We’re complicated, sooooo…

    Someone needs to take their trope rights away. They can’t even get similes right.

  11. Uncle Glenny says

    CHRISTIAN AUTHOR: GOD IS HAVING OFFSPRING
    ‘The children of cats are cats. What are the children of God?’

    LOLChristians

    “Moar Skool Prayr, Pleez”

  12. Michael Heath says

    Subject wingnut

    ‘The children of cats are cats. What are the children of God?’

    Moggie responds:

    Cats. And they know it.

    Damn that’s good.

Leave a Reply