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Chick-Fil-A’s New Homophobia Sandwich

When all this controversy broke out over Chick-Fil-A’s support for anti-gay bigotry, I was a bit baffled; I’d never even seen such a restaurant, much less eaten at one. I didn’t even know they existed. The Onion has now written an amusing satire on their introduction of a new homophobic sandwich:

As part of its recent efforts to publicly align itself with fundamentalist Christian values, the Chick-fil-A restaurant chain announced today the debut of its new Queer-Hatin’ Cordon Bleu sandwich that would be on sale in all of the company’s 1,600 restaurants this Wednesday.

In a press conference to reporters, company representatives said the homophobic new sandwich will include the national fast food chain’s trademark fried chicken filet wrapped in a piece of specially-smoked No Homo ham that would be topped with a slice of Swiss cheese and lathered in a creamy new Thousand Island-based Fag Punching sauce.

“The Queer-Hatin’ Cordon Bleu is our company’s way of showing our firm commitment to strong, Christian family values,” said Chick-fil-A spokesman Robert Gary, before adding that the vehemently anti-gay rights sandwich comes served in a combo with waffle fries and a medium soda for just $6.95. “From the very first morsel of this savory meal to the very last bite, customers can envision gays burning in hell with their sodomizing cohorts, and know that our sandwich is on their side.”

“Of course, the young ones will want to finish their meals off right with a No Fudge Packin’ Soft Serve Cone,” Gary added. “I can’t think of a better way to follow up a sandwich this good.”

They could get Bryan Fischer to promote this, I’m sure.

Comments

  1. Michael Heath says

    Ed writes:

    They could get Bryan Fischer to promote this, I’m sure.

    Probably since Mike Huckabee is sacrificing his own fitness to promote the false idea that championing gay rights is an attack on heterosexual families.

    What would really help them better penetrate the market is for Rick Santorum to license Chick-Fil-A’s use of santorum for a Santorum Sauce Vatican-chicken Sandwich.

  2. grendelsfather says

    What would really help them better penetrate the market …

    I see what you did there.

  3. Michael Heath says

    grenddelsfather writes:

    I see what you did there.

    It wasn’t thought up in a vacuum. Twice in the past week I’ve seen homophobes use the word ‘penetrate’ when projecting their failed attributes onto undeserving others.

  4. says

    “What would really help them better penetrate the market is for Rick Santorum to license Chick-Fil-A’s use of santorum for a Santorum Sauce Vatican-chicken Sandwich.”

    Is that gonna be served with “Chick-Fil-A Frozen Frothymix” on the side?

    Thing about satire is, it’s sort of the humorous side of something dark and twisted.

  5. jen says

    Ed, you haven’t seen any Chick-Fil-A’s because they aren’t in Michigan. Kinda leaves us out of the fight. LOL

  6. Josh, Official SpokesGay says

    Is that to go, or do you want us to ram it down your throat here?

    Win.

  7. says

    “Chick-fil-A presents the Santorum burger! Now, enjoy our delicious chicken patty covered in our rich, creamy Santorum sauce…hey, where’s everyone going?”

  8. says

    When all this controversy broke out over Chick-Fil-A’s support for anti-gay bigotry, I was a bit baffled; I’d never even seen such a restaurant, much less eaten at one. I didn’t even know they existed.

    Like most fried chicken related restaurants, they’re mostly in the south. We’ve got a bunch of them here in Oklahoma, but I doubt there are very many locations up in the frigid wastelands of Michigan. I checked the restaurant locator and apparently there are only four locations in the whole state.

  9. geocatherder says

    They exist in Northern California but are few and far between. I ate at one once, a decade or so ago (at least) and was unimpressed. But grease in general doesn’t inspire me.

  10. Azkyroth, Former Growing Toaster Oven says

    I assume they source their meat solely from hens, since otherwise they’re contributing to the sinful eating of cocks… ;/

  11. Randide, Mangeons du jesuite says

    Ed and other Michiganders,

    There is a Chick-Fil-A in the Pioneer Food Court on the campus of Oakland University.

    Probably not on accident that it’s there either, what with the Women’s Basketball coach, who doubles as the University President’s wife, being extremely religious, making me assume that the president is as well.

  12. dingojack says

    Rando – Switzerland is the NRA’s wet-dream. They took the 2nd Amendment and made it the First Requirement!*
    It’s what’s kept them independant for over 700 years. (That, and (until recently) they had nothing worth stealing).
    :) Dingo
    —-
    * Every other requirement reads: ‘No Muslims!’

  13. says

    I really love Chik-Fil-A. If you ask them they’ll mix the blueberry cheesecake topping into a milkshake, which is amaze balls.

    Also, yes, I’m fat.

  14. Randomfactor says

    when I think of all the stupid that will be crammed into lines at Chick-Fail on Wednesday to raise their blood lipids, I despair–until I realize that they’re STILL going to lose the war.

  15. sunsangnim says

    Cordon Bleu? Sounds French. Even this sandwich won’t be conservative enough for some people.

  16. iangould says

    So when are Christians goign ot stand up to Chick-Fil-A’s support for, and enabling of, the sin of gluttony?

  17. russm says

    Someone has coined a new word for this boycott: “Chick-fil-Atheist.” I don’t believe in god and don’t believe in Dan Cathy, either.

    I will be boycotting Chick-fil-A, which is easy for me since I’ve eaten there about 3 or 4 times in 5 years. They have about 10 freestanding restaurants within a 25-mile radius of me. I will admit that they do have very good chicken, but I don’t need a side order of homophobia along with my Coke.

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