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Jul 26 2012

Mitt’s Magic Anti-Porn Button

Here’s a video of a speech Romney gave in 2008 — he apparently had this as part of his stump speech for quite some time — saying that he wants to make sure every computer has a magic anti-porn button on them to keep all the dirty thoughts out.

And this was not just an isolated pander. He repeatedly said, “I want to make sure every new computer sold in this country, after I’m president, has installed on it a filter to block all pornography.”

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  1. 1
    tacitus

    And yet the sex-workers of Tampa Bay are greatly looking forward to the Republican Convention there in a few weeks time…

  2. 2
    oranje

    Alright, if they get an anti-porn button, I want an anti-Conservative bullshit button.

  3. 3
    RickR

    Alright, if they get an anti-porn button, I want an anti-Conservative bullshit button.

    This x 1,000,000

  4. 4
    Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    …And we shall call it the First Amendment Button.

  5. 5
    timgueguen

    Pornography as defined by who? To some of his fans showing too much leg while wearing a skirt is borderline pornography.

  6. 6
    anteprepro

    Flash forward to 2014. Opens computer. Sees Anti-Porn button. Presses it once. Computer asks “About to enable Internet porn block. Scan internet sites?”. Clicks okay. All internet browsers disabled. Presses button again. Query: “About to enable Computer porn block. Scan computer files?”. Clicks okay. Computer explodes.

    Thanks, Supreme Overlord Mittens Romnoid!

  7. 7
    John Hinkle

    If there was a porn filter on every computer, I’d write a filter buster and sell it for 99 cents. Probably get platinum status at PayPal in about 7 hours.

  8. 8
    Alukonis, metal ninja

    Is this going to interfere with editing home movies?

    IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN (and I think you do)

  9. 9
    slc1

    Is there no limit to the stupidity that Romney will stoop to in his fevered quest for the White House?

  10. 10
    Trebuchet

    Is he going to block all the hotel porn pay-per-view in hotels in Salt Lake City?

  11. 11
    Doug Little

    I want to make sure every new computer sold in this country, after I’m president, has installed on it a filter to block all pornography.

    Well, I already format new work computers as soon as they come in and do a fresh install of the OS. It’s amazing how much junk/promotional material is installed on them by default. My home computers I build from scratch and run linux, I wonder what Mitt is gonna do about that. Also that sounds like a pretty remarkable filter. Maybe he means that all new computers won’t have any access to the internet, it’s the only way to be sure.

  12. 12
    d cwilson

    Every computer already has a very effective anti-porn button. It’s called the power switch. Turn off your computer and it can no longer download porn.

    Problem solved.

    Tacitus @1:

    And yet the sex-workers of Tampa Bay are greatly looking forward to the Republican Convention there in a few weeks time…

    The male prostitutes more so than the female ones, I’m sure.

  13. 13
    unbound

    Even Mitt isn’t stupid enough to think this will work. Any chance he’s invested in some filtering software company?

  14. 14
    RustD

    When I use Google, I usually add “-fox”. It filters most, but not all of the propaganda out. It is close to an antibullsh*t button.

  15. 15
    Raging Bee

    An anti-porn button — but not an anti-hate or anti-cyberbullying button? That says a lot about right-wing “values.”

    And you can damn sure bet that Mutt’s anti-porn buton will also block useful factual information about sex, sexuality, birth control, and sexual health.

  16. 16
    jaxkayaker

    tacitus-

    Funny you say that, the strip club that I frequent is remodeling in preparation for the GOP convention. No joke.

  17. 17
    Marcus Ranum

    I am in favor of this, as long as he doesn’t mind a filter for religion, and anything said by Romney, as well.

  18. 18
    Abby Normal

    He went on to promise, “If I am elected I will put a flying car in every garage and a unicorn in every pot. Money will grow on trees. And the dogs will poop only ice-cream.”

  19. 19
    Abby Normal

    I want to make sure every new computer sold in this country, after I’m president, has installed on it a filter to block all pornography.

    I thought he was against saddling businesses with Big Government(tm) regulations. Could Romney be a secret socialist out to destroy America?

  20. 20
    jimmiraybob

    Government dictating to private manufacturing? There’s a word out there … [pondering expression] …it’s a word that’s been out there a lot lately …[scratches head] …I’m sure it’ll come to me……

    Although, I have faith that the free market will make other private entrepreneurs rich by producing and selling unblocking buttons.

  21. 21
    Olav

    Abby:

    And the dogs will poop only ice-cream.”

    Even if that became true, I would still not eat it…

    I agree with Doug, #11. No computer of mine will ever have software installed on it that I did not install myself.

  22. 22
    D. C. Sessions

    Given that the computers are all made in China, does that mean that all computers in the USA will have Chinese network filters built in?

  23. 23
    Strewth

    Maybe this is part of their plan to train up a generation of elite American cyberwarriors.

  24. 24
    Bronze Dog

    The irony I see: Conservative states tend to be the biggest consumers of porn.

  25. 25
    interrobang

    I would like to know how big Mitt’s pr0n stash is. I have a 1TB HDD at home I bet the images alone wouldn’t fit on.

  26. 26
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    I have a 1TB HDD at home I bet the images alone wouldn’t fit on.

    That’s what she said.

  27. 27
    Michael Heath

    It seems to me that God did respond to Mr. Romney’s wish for a magic porn button. But analogous to how God keeps missing the guilty and nailing the innocent with tornadoes and floods, God intervention’s has instead created free porn on the Internet.

  28. 28
    tubi

    I have a 1TB HDD at home I bet the images alone wouldn’t fit on.

    Because it’s already full?

  29. 29
    Raging Bee

    Although, I have faith that the free market will make other private entrepreneurs rich by producing and selling unblocking buttons.

    …after they get rich by producing and selling the blocking buttons. Maybe that’s Romney’s plan for economic recovery?

    Given that the computers are all made in China, does that mean that all computers in the USA will have Chinese network filters built in?

    That would not be at all surprising, since both Capitalist and “Communist” (State-Capitalist) tyrants have the same need to control the flow of information to ordinary people, and the same need to take aggressive action every day to keep dangerous ideas and facts from spreading too rapidly. (Is this a case of Stalinist regimes acting like religions? Or a case of religions acting like Stalinist regimes?)

  30. 30
    matty1

    I know this is radical but if you don’t want to look at porn don’t look at porn. To the best of my knowledge it isn’t compulsory nor despite the myths is it ubiquitous, it’s hard to get a definitive figure but this (don’t worry the link is to Forbes magazine) suggests its only around around 4% of websites.

    But, I can hear the wail, “Won’t somebody think of the children”, well at the risk of sounding patronising I’d suggest parenting as an answer, either raise kids you trust with a computer or don’t leave them alone with one, and if they are old enough that neither of these is an option they are probably old enough and smart enough to work a way round the filter if they really want to.

    Or we could let officials decide what *legal* activities adult can see pictures or videos of in the privacy of their own homes. Even if it worked, would the benefit really be worth the cost?

    Won’t somebody think of the grown ups?

  31. 31
    beezlebubby

    Ha! Where was I reading earlier this week about a Palin lookalike stripper being booked at a club 3 miles away from the GOP convention center? How’s that poley-dancey thing workin’ for ya?

    Also, when Bain was the owner of Staples, why didn’t they go ahead with their sinister plan to monkey with all the computers they sold and install this mythical button? I wonder if Bain owned them at the same time it owned a fetus disposal machine company? Nothing gets in the way of profit$, does it Mitt?

  32. 32
    busterggi

    Now why would a computer owned by a good god-botherer even need an anti-porn button?

    Surely their faith gives them the strength not to submit to temptation – isn’t god (whatever name he goes by) stronger than porn?

  33. 33
    eric

    That’s pretty much equivalent to saying “I want Dell, Apple, and every other computer company to move their sales divisions overseas.”

  34. 34
    jamesramsey

    Hmmm. There are a number of Internet RFCs that have issued on April 1st.

    Could it be RFC3514 ?

  35. 35
    ftfkdad

    “The irony I see: Conservative states tend to be the biggest consumers of porn.”

    I am pretty sure there is some data that shows Utah is the biggest consumer of online porn, as measured by $$-per-person spent in a given year. Makes sense to me!

  36. 36
    ftfkdad

    oh … here’s an article on just this topic (Utah) : “Welcome to Utah, online porn capital of the USA”
    http://blogs.computerworld.com/online_porn

  37. 37
    zmidponk

    Hmm.

    *sees every computer system has an anti-porn filter*

    *goes to computer shop and buys various computer components*

    *goes home and puts computer together, leaving out the anti-porn filter*

    *laughs at Romney’s utterly pointless and costly legislation*

  38. 38
    wholething

    If pornography can’t be defined, how could anyone write an algorithm that knows it when it sees it?

    I’ve tried increasing the Brightness adjustment on my TV but I can’t get it to filter out reality shows.

  39. 39
    TxSkeptic

    If I recall correctly. the great state of Utah, the heart of Mitt Romney’s Mormonism cult, is one of the top consumers of online porn in the country.

    I guess they are dying to find out what is hidden inside the magic underwear.

  1. 40
    Mitt Romney will put an end to porn! (somehow)

    [...] Mitt Romney will put an end to porn! (somehow)August 3, 2012 By Libby Anne 16 CommentsGuess what Mitt Romney said? This:“I want to make sure every new computer sold in this country, after I’m president, has [...]

  2. 41
    Sunday Link Encyclopedia and Self-Promotion « Clarissa's Blog

    [...] this is a great way to lose an election: ““I want to make sure every new computer sold in this country, after I’m president, has installed on…”” Hello, Nanny State and its presidential candidate who wants to police our morals. Hey, [...]

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