The wingnuts have a problem, you see. Until last week, John Roberts was their golden boy, the champion of all that is right and good in America. And now? Well, now they must explain his apostasy and his treasonous actions. Here’s the best explanation yet — and let me stress, this site is not a parody.
How could John Roberts side with the liberals? The individual mandate is so clearly unconstitutional – even to a layperson – how could it be?
Kind of like a Vince Flynn book. Someone got to Roberts. I bet they got to him and told him he has to vote this way or members of his family – kids, wife, parents, whoever – were going to be killed.
Later this afternoon, it’s going to come out that Roberts was coerced. A Secret Service agent overheard Obama and Axelrod discussing the Roberts blackmail. He managed to get them on tape discussing it. Later this afternoon, the whole story will come out, Roberts will issue his REAL opinion, and Obama and Axelrod will be taken away in handcuffs.
Yep, that totally happened! The rest of the post really should be read, though. He goes all stream-of-consciousness, just spouting one weird one-liner after another.
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d cwilson
July 3, 2012 at 1:59 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It’s true! The voices in my head told me so!
The best part of that blog post is, when I opened it up, right in the middle of his rants was an ad for a Medicare supplement.
Larry
July 3, 2012 at 1:59 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Its my belief that wingnuts like this fella derive sexual pleasure from conspiracy theories like this. Rather than use pornography to drive their masturbatory fantasies, they use their mind’s image of Obama in handcuffs.
Stevarious
July 3, 2012 at 2:01 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
But how did he respond to the threats when he’s wigged out on drugs?
tommykey
July 3, 2012 at 2:03 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
And to think I joked that the Right might do that.
Ouabache
July 3, 2012 at 2:04 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
This story is dated June 28th so I’m going to assume that someone got to the person that had the tape, right? There’s no way this guy could be just making stuff up.
/s
The Lorax
July 3, 2012 at 2:10 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
TL;DR – “I’m being silly! Everyone pay attention to me!”
Seriously, pointing out people like this is like pointing out that the guy wearing baggy pants, over-sized shoes, a fake red nose, and a puffy rainbow wig is a clown.
justsomeguy
July 3, 2012 at 2:10 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It reminds me of the 9/11 conspiracy episode of South Park. Summary: turns out the attacks were carried out by al Qaida, but the conspiracy was that there *was* a conspiracy that the government did it. Because even though the government doesn’t really have the power or inclination to do it, there’s utility in having people *think* it is so.
Except in this situation, there’s a bit of a reversal: It’s the people who oppose our current president who have the most to gain from spreading the notion that the president has the power to blackmail federal judges and assassinate bloggers.
roggg
July 3, 2012 at 2:14 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@7 – That’s just what they want you to believe.
oranje
July 3, 2012 at 2:24 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So is Obama going to sit and quietly talk to Roberts’ kids until they keel over, or what?
Michael Heath
July 3, 2012 at 2:25 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
But, but, but , this guy is, “always right” (see linked site). So it must be true.
raym
July 3, 2012 at 2:25 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Stream-of-consciousness?
Ed, I believe you’re giving him far too much credit.
Reginald Selkirk
July 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’m losing track – was the death threat before or after Roberts was drugged?
YankeeCynic
July 3, 2012 at 2:45 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Yes, Wingnuts, the President of the United States apparently had enough power and influence to threaten Chief Justice Robert’s family with death, had the influence to make him believe the threat and not report it, and then ensure that the Chief Justice voted the way he wanted. Then, despite having all this diabolical power and criminal prowess made all the moves in question with a Secret Service Agent, and one who apparently wasn’t part of the conspiracy, PRESENT and then DOESN’T HAVE THE POWER TO KEEP THAT SECRET SERVICE AGENT FROM REPORTING IT. Then, despite all that Snidely Whiplash mustache-twirling genius, POTUS will then somehow be able to avoid keeping himself getting arrested (or impeached for that matter).
That makes perfect sense. Much more sense than the Individual Mandate being treated as a tax because a politically pragmatic Chief Justice didn’t want to completely undo decades of constitutional jurisprudence.
I’m constantly tempted to adopt a new policy for people like this: when they bring up insane stuff like this, I’ll just laugh in their face. As obnoxiously and dismissively as possible. Engaging them is giving them way to much credit, a sort of a “good on your CV, not so good on mine” approach.
YankeeCynic
July 3, 2012 at 2:48 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The amusing thing is that the gentlemen in question who wrote this is now trying to spin it as satire. Of course, that’s better than actually believing this crap, but it still means that you’re a shitty writer who can’t figure out how to write effective satire.
thalwen
July 3, 2012 at 2:58 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Reading that feels like being inside Glen Beck’s head – nothing makes any sense but it’s all bad and all Obama’s fault.
yoav
July 3, 2012 at 3:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Ouabache #5 says:
Obama used the time machine he built so he can go and plant the fake birth certificate and publish his own birth announcement in the Hawaii papers, to kill the secret service man’s great grandfather so he wouldn’t be born and therefore there will be no recording of him planing to kill Roberts’ kids.
Reginald Selkirk
July 3, 2012 at 3:44 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
RE #14 Yankee Cynic: Maybe he doesn’t realize that he is satirizing himself.
John Pieret
July 3, 2012 at 6:33 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
People like this are a good reason for enacting the Affordable Health Care law. Head/desk concussions can be very serious.
christophburschka
July 3, 2012 at 7:40 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
This confirms again the existence of a point of no return in cognitive dissonance. Beyond that point a person becomes so invested in a belief that all contrary evidence instead strengthens their belief in a conspiracy.
Like the birthers. An average person wonders “is Obama eligible to be president?” and reasons “if he weren’t, the Federal Election Commission wouldn’t have let him stand for election”. A less average person says “I want to see the birth certificate myself”, but is satisfied on seeing it. The true nutcase, however, sees it and says “that must be a fake” – because obviously they already know their conspiracy theory is true, so all evidence to the contrary must be fake, and merely adds fuel to their theory.
netamigo
July 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
With an ad for in-home care for Medicare recipients and another for AARP Medicare supplemental coverage in the article, I’ll bet the author Harry is on Medicare and really likes his single-payer governmental health program. He’s just opposed to others having such benefits.
F
July 3, 2012 at 8:33 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
oranje
Shit, LOL.
Dr X
July 4, 2012 at 12:42 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
After his prediction didn’t come true, he claims it’s satire. Huh? So he was actually ridiculing the hysterics of his fellow wingnuts?
slc1
July 4, 2012 at 6:57 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Re christophburschka @ #19
Another example of this type of thinking is the Kennedy assassination conspiracy theorists. Point out any evidence that points to Oswald and their response is that it was planted or manufactured by the police and the FBI.