WND Gets New Columnist

The owners of the Worldnutdaily apparently don’t think they look dumb enough for giving weekly columns to Pat Boone, Chuck Norris and Victoria Jackson. Now they’ve added John Rocker to the list (for at least as long as they think it will sell some of his books that they get a cut of). And he apparently thinks that failed prosecutions have something to do with “big government” (a tired marketing slogan if ever there was one).

After multiple “rain delays,” blatant errors and despicable blunders, the obnoxious multi-inning affair between our generally incompetent federal government and Major League Baseball has finally ended. On June 18 the acquittal of Roger Clemens on all federal counts figuratively pushed across the final run in what, at times, seemed like an endless and outright ridiculous saga.

The “game” that lasted more than nine years, wasted countless man hours, cost American taxpayers tens of millions of dollars, while irreparably ruining once-impeccable reputations, yielded but one obstruction of justice conviction carrying with it nothing more than two years’ probation and community service. If this “game” that had the first pitch thrown by our federal government doesn’t blatantly reveal the laughable incompetence of individual legislators such as George Mitchell, Elijah Cummings and John Tierney, to name a small few, much of our governmental process specifically and big government overall, then I’m quite sure nothing ever will. From my observation, all that emerged from the government-contrived three-ring circus over the past decade was an indictment of big government at large.

Um. Okay. Apparently he thinks that because prosecutors failed in trying to convict Roger Clemens, that means we should cut “big government” — whatever that might mean to him. Cut social security and medicare? Cut defense spending (highly doubtful)? Defund NASA? What exactly is the connection between those things? Nothing at all. Because this is a guy who isn’t capable of constructing a coherent position, only of throwing together a few well-worn buzzwords and catchphrases. It’s a pretty good Sarah Palin impersonation, really.

8 comments on this post.
  1. Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant):

    To sufficiently committed authoritarians a failed prosecution will always be a sign of the failure of justice. If they weren’t guilty, they wouldn’t be under suspicion, would they?

  2. lafcadioscarpino:

    I know, I know, cognitive dissonance rules all, but I wonder how conservatives who love to mutter “Why does anyone care what [insert non-right-wing actor/musician/athlete] has to say about [insert political topic]?” reconcile that stance with “Look, we’ve got a ‘column’ that is ‘written’ by [insert right-wing actor/musician/athlete]!”

  3. birgerjohansson:

    Can you persuade him to comment at Pharyngula? New chewing toys are always welcome there.
    — — — —
    BTW this guy would love Russia, only 1-2% of the prosecutions fail there as contrasted with ca 10% in western Europe.
    No, it has nothing to do with a corrupt justice system, confessions beaten out of suspects or politically beholden judges…

  4. oranje:

    I think this will be my new goal as a writer: write a blog that is sufficiently crazy to get myself a paying gig at WND. It will be a remarkable stretch to keep up writing like that, but I like a challenge.

    If I could somehow pull it off, I’ll let everyone here vote on where I donate the money.

  5. naturalcynic:

    …once-impeccable reputations
    Uhhhh, whose reputations might those be? The sandbagging seasons of Clemens; that skinny kid who played for the White Sox named Sammy or the skinny kid from Pittsburgh named Barry; the Bash Brothers?

  6. fifthdentist:

    I’m thinking he should be tried on charges of maliciously (and badly) torturing baseball analogies.

  7. BrianX:

    You know, not that Boone, Jackson, or Norris are exactly known for their political insights, but there’s nothing really wrong with giving them columns. (Okay, Jackson is even dumber than the stereotype she’s always played, but that’s not really germane to my point.) But John Rocker is different. With Rocker’s history of racism and whatnot, this is a signal that WND’s putting down the dog whistles and joining Dinesh D’Souza and Newt Gingrich in the unapologetically racist category.

  8. John Hinkle:

    oranje:

    I think this will be my new goal as a writer: write a blog that is sufficiently crazy to get myself a paying gig at WND. It will be a remarkable stretch to keep up writing like that, but I like a challenge. If I could somehow pull it off, I’ll let everyone here vote on where I donate the money.

    Donate?? Take the money and run, brother (sister?)!! Sponge as much cash as you can out of the fundies. For as long as you can. And then, when things wind down, broadcast to the world that you were putting them on the whole time, and sponsor some scholarships to decent, non-religious schools.

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