Televangelist Creflo Dollar says that the devil is behind his arrest for allegedly choking his daughter, and it’s all because he wants to stop “this message of grace” that Dollar promotes — i.e. the prosperity gospel fraud that God will deliver blessings to those who send money to Dollar. And look, he may well be innocent. We know nothing at this point other than that he’s been charged. He still has the legal presumption of innocence and he’ll get a full trial, if he doesn’t cop a plea, in which his well-paid attorneys will defend him vigorously. But it’s entirely predictable that he would turn that arrest into an attack on him and his warped theology.
Jun 14 2012
Dollar Blames Satan for Arrest
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Gregory in Seattle
June 14, 2012 at 11:10 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
There is something terribly, terribly funny about a Talibangelical preacher named Dollar who promotes the prosperity gospel.
“There is no god but Mammon, and Dollar is His profit.”
Draken
June 14, 2012 at 11:22 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
But it’s entirely predictable that he would turn that arrest into an attack on him and his warped theology.
Is there non-warped theology?
Alverant
June 14, 2012 at 11:28 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So he’s saying the devil put the bruises on his daughter’s neck? Well let’s arrest Satan then. He can have a jury of his peers like Sauron, Darth Sidious, Unicron, Thanos, Darkseid, etc.
matty1
June 14, 2012 at 11:28 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Not really but some theologies (like the Catholics or Orthodox Jews) have a level of complexity and at least some nod towards internal consistency that may make it harder for a casual observer to spot the bullshit.
The fruit and nut fringe of Protestantism by contrasts tends to a make it up as you go along approach, which I at any rate find more transparent in its stupidity.
Childermass
June 14, 2012 at 11:29 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Kamaka
June 14, 2012 at 11:32 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
But… but, the devil made me do it.
aaronbaker
June 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’m afraid you’ve forgotten the scumbag presumption of guilt.
Who Knows?
June 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@ Kamaka, I was going to ask if anyone remembered Flip Wilson. :)
tommykey
June 14, 2012 at 12:38 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The “devil” is always a convenient excuse for these people.
About 5 years ago here on Long Island where I live, there was a guy named Santhosh Paul, who was very involved with a local Pentecostalist church, who was filmed telling an undercover police officer to kill his wife.
One of the guy’s fellow congregant’s was quoted as saying something along the lines that Satan focuses his attacks more on people who are extra religious.
Also, amazingly about this case, despite watching and listening to the video, the guy’s wife refused to believe it and claimed he was being set up.
totallyunspooled
June 14, 2012 at 12:53 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
There were probably demons involved, too.
thalwen
June 14, 2012 at 12:55 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Well of course it’s the devil, the devil made his daughter act like a normal teenager, the devil made the police arrest him for a non-crime of strangling one’s property and the devil made the news media cover the story because the devil isn’t fond of a guy running a multi-million dollar scam.
I find it curious that the devil causes disease, natural disasters, makes people get drunk, commit crimes and cheat on their spouses. Yet, the supposedly omnipotent god’s powers don’t seem to reach beyond winning sports games and music awards (except for when he causes natural disasters and disease.. y’know, for lulz).
dean
June 14, 2012 at 1:06 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“Dollar Blames Satan for Arrest”
Note to the pastor:
When your actions are so bad even Satan is disgusted and reports you, perhaps it’s time for a little self-reflection.
Just sayin’.
thisisaturingtest
June 14, 2012 at 1:13 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So he’s blaming the devil for the arrest, not his actions that led to it? That is so typical of this type of christianity- blame the devil for the bad (and absolve yourself of any personal responsibility for it), and give all credit for the good to god, and relieve yourself of any sense that it all might just be up to you. And, my gosh, just look at the number of people in that audience, lapping it up and cheering it on! I guess that message is a comfort to them, too, in their dreary little personal lives- “it’s all up to god, brothers and sisters! Oh, and here comes the collection plate! Dig deep and help me out of this mess the devil got me in!”
Sastra
June 14, 2012 at 1:19 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The whole idea of “spiritual warfare” — angels and demons hovering unseen behind the faithful and helping, hindering, applauding, and condemning everything they do — seems like narcissism taken to a new level.
Demon put a dandelion in my garden and hid the weeder, but an angel broke his spell and whispered a reminder that I left it on the backyard swing and then cheered as I once again triumphed against Satan and pulled that dandelion up IN YOUR FACE SATAN!
Does Dollar really think his problems have such cosmic significance?
Who Knows?
June 14, 2012 at 1:21 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Ah, the message of grace that says you choke your daughter out when she disobeys you. I guess it’s not as bad as an eternity in hell.
caseloweraz
June 14, 2012 at 1:52 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Some anagrams for “Creflo Dollar”:
Lo, droll farce.
All err Of clod,
Or lad for cell?
Azkyroth, Former Growing Toaster Oven
June 14, 2012 at 2:49 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Thread won.
Raging Bee
June 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
dean @12 wins this tube!
I find it curious that the devil causes disease, natural disasters, makes people get drunk, commit crimes and cheat on their spouses.
I find it both sad and creepy that — according to all those exorcism movies at least — the Devil wastes so much time posessing dirt-poor ignorant shmoes, and teenagers who have no power over anyone, but can’t seem to get past rich people’s security to make them do REALLY destructive things, like make millions of people’s savings disappear or destroy huge chunks of God’s creation with toxic-waste spills. What good is a Devil who only preys on powerless people?
Maybe it has something to do with the whole “Devil” schtick being made up for ignorant sheeple who have already been conditioned never to question anything their “betters” do. God forbid any of those brave local exorcists should have to go up against someone with real power…
Homo Straminus
June 14, 2012 at 6:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“I… ….AM UNICRON…”
Unicron needs more love!
timgueguen
June 14, 2012 at 6:55 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Funny how the Devil is wasting his time on a minor leaguer like this when he oculd be going after the Pope or Franklin Graham.
Wowbagger, Vile Demagogue
June 14, 2012 at 7:06 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I really wish that when interviews led to someone claiming Satan was involved, the interview would actually follow that up by asking them to describe how we can distinguish between acts Satan has inspired and those just committed by regular, everyday assholes.
dingojack
June 14, 2012 at 9:33 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
DOLlAR BLAMES SATAN FOR ARREST…
SATAN BLAMES POLICE FOR ARREST;
POLICE BLAMES DOLLAR FOR ARREST! *
FTFY!
Dingo
—–
* Who actually arrested Mr Dollar, who (allegedly) choked their own daughter prompting an arrest?
dingojack
June 14, 2012 at 9:44 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Homo Straminus (#19) – I thought Mittens was really UNICRON.
I mean, has anyone seen his actual original vault (or long) form of his birth certificate (not his ‘certificate of live birth’ since everyone knows they are not the same thing)?
The documents presented a obviously fakes, they’re two dimensional and only printed on one side for a start…
Paging Orly Taitz, paging Orly Taitz, Orly Taitz to the white courtesy phone please!
Dingo
matty1
June 15, 2012 at 12:45 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Clearly the Occupy people need to start carrying out exorcisms.
brettsaunders
June 16, 2012 at 5:32 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
brettsaunders
June 16, 2012 at 5:38 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I clearly don’t understand how the blockquote works. That was @Alverant from post 5.