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Gordo: Demons Turn Animals Gay

Wow, our old friend Gordon Klingenschmitt seems to have no limit to how crazy he can get. He went on a liberal talk radio show hosted by David Pakman and went seriously looney tunes, arguing that the reason we observe homosexuality in other species is because they’re possessed by demons too.

“The problem is, nobody’s born a homosexual,” he said, explaining that all gay people are converted via “marketing” because the LGBT community “has an agenda” to “repopulate their population by recruiting the children of heterosexuals.”

Klingenschmitt added that “anyone who’s studied” genetics knows that homosexuality is not an inherent trait, simply because LGBT people aren’t capable of reproducing and passing that genetic trait along. Though Pacman didn’t immediately challenge it, that’s a claim as bizarre as it is untrue, as scientists have long known homosexuality can be attributed to genetic traits and many LGBT people have reproduced thanks to the help of platonic opposite sex partners.

“That’s what this whole marketing scheme for pro-homosexual movement is all about,” Klingenschmitt insisted, reiterating his point about repopulating the LGBT community.

That’s when Pacman hit him with the science on homosexuality in the animal kingdom.

“Let’s step back for a second, Gordon, and say okay, let’s assume you’re right that homosexuality among humans is only because of marketing,” Pacman countered. “What about in the 4,000 other species that have homosexuality? Because, as far as I know, they don’t have TV. They don’t have advertising. They don’t have the iTunes store to recruit people. How is it that humans are gay sometimes because of marketing, but 4,000 other species… Why? Is it something else?”

“It is entirely possible — we know from the Bible, for example, when Jesus cast the devil out of Legion, he went into a herd of pigs,” Klingenschmitt said. “So, it is possible for demons or the devil to inhabit or invade animals just the same way they invade humans, and that causes the sin of lust.”

Well that explains it.

Comments

  1. Mr Ed says

    “The problem is, nobody’s born a homosexual,” he said, explaining that all gay people are converted via “marketing” because the LGBT community “has an agenda” to “repopulate their population by recruiting the children of heterosexuals.”

    1 Nobody is born homosexual

    2 People only become gay by being converted by someone who is gay

    Where did the first gay person come from?

  2. jamessweet says

    I think a demon got into your spell-check, Ed, because everywhere that the original article refers to David Pakman, your blockquote calls him Pacman. Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom…

  3. Chiroptera says

    Wait, what? Are homosexuals recruited or caused by demonic possession?

    Is this like how a Christian’s salvation is due to one’s free choice, so we must suppress all opposing viewpoints and immerse our children in 24-7 pro-Christian propaganda to ensure they make the correct “free choice”?

  4. Tualha says

    ROFL, you seem to have a spelling checker or something that automatically converts “Pakman” to “Pacman”. Whocka-whocka-whocka-whocka.

  5. d cwilson says

    Where did the first gay person come from?

    It’s gay demon turtles all the way down!

  6. Tualha says

    Klingenschmitt has one of those faces you just can’t help wanting to punch, doesn’t he. Looks like a thinner, younger Rush Limbaugh.

  7. dingojack says

    Mr Ed – “Where did the first gay person come from?”

    Jesus. I mean the fastidious grooming, the pastel robes, the weak hand gestures and the whole Jewish Momma’s boy thing – no brainer!

    Dingo
    —–
    PS: wonder what turned ‘fruity’ Gordo?
    (Perhaps it was 5 litres [1.32 gallons] of sickly sweet, cheap cask wine.)

  8. pooder says

    dingojack:

    |Mr Ed – “Where did the first gay person come from?”
    |
    |Jesus.

    But Jesus didn’t reproduce . . .

    . . . or DID he??

  9. says

    “The problem is, nobody’s born a homosexual,” he said, explaining that all gay people are converted via “marketing” because the LGBT community “has an agenda” to “repopulate their population by recruiting the children of heterosexuals.”

    Man, I bet the “Shakers” wouldaliked to have thought of this!

    Does that “marketing” include subliminal ads for teh GAY? I’ll take my answer offline, I’m feeling some very strange urges!!

  10. Doug Little says

    “It is entirely possible — we know from the Bible, for example, when Jesus cast the devil out of Legion, he went into a herd of pigs,” Klingenschmitt said. “So, it is possible for demons or the devil to inhabit or invade animals just the same way they invade humans, and that causes the sin of lust.”

    Before he got through this paragraph this should have happened to him.

  11. dingojack says

    Puppygod – if that cute lil’ demon hit Klingshitt the result would be like this (or perhaps it’s Rush after some cosmetic surgery?)

    Pooder – but, but the homo-sex-uels don’t breed, they recruit using subliminal advertising remember? (Feel like licking a toad now?)

    :) Dingo

  12. Phillip IV says

    So, it is possible for demons or the devil to inhabit or invade animals

    I don’t see the connection. My cat isn’t gay at all, despite being very obviously possessed by a demon.

    Seriously, though, the sad thing about this isn’t that Gordo believes in that, it is that he can state it publicly and earn more than scorn and ridicule for it. That’s religious privilege in action – pulling arguments right out of your ass, not offering any sort of evidence and support, and still being treated as if you actually contribute to the discussion.

  13. Tualha says

    But all cats are possessed by demons. It’s obvious. It’s just that it takes a certain kind of demon to make an animal gay. And how do we know this? Why, obviously because some animals are gay and some are not! That’s logic.

  14. The Lorax says

    “I have scientific facts to back up my claims!”

    “Your scientific facts are demonstrably wrong.”

    “In that case, my god said I was right. So pbbt.”

    Lather, rinse, repeat.

  15. eric says

    That is so awesome, I really, really hope it makes it into conservapedia.

    Gordo’s comment does leave me with one deep, philosophical question though: are conservatives like him contributing to comedy, or competing with comedy?

  16. Larry says

    I read nonsense such as this about demons and I forget what century we’re supposed to be in. All these years of scientific advancements and there still are people who seriously believe demons are the cause of various conditions just as they did in the 10th century.

    Simply mind-boggling.

  17. cptdoom says

    …because LGBT people aren’t capable of reproducing and passing that genetic trait along…that’s a claim as bizarre as it is untrue, as scientists have long known homosexuality can be attributed to genetic traits and many LGBT people have reproduced thanks to the help of platonic opposite sex partners.

    It’s also true that there are traits, like Sickle Cell disease, that are recessive and limit, if not eliminate, the ability of the individual with the trait to reproduce. Yet these traits can still be prevalent in a given population because they provide some measure of benefit to the carrier siblings (who have only one recessive gene) of those with the condition. It is entirely possible this is the primary route of inheritance for homosexuality as well.

  18. says

    cptdoom – Exactly. Looking at things from an evolutionary perspective, repressing homosexuality is the worst possible thing to do if it’s biologically-based. Assume it’s maladaptive – that there’s something wrong with it in some objective sense that has real-world consequences that outweigh any possible advantages (such as how sickle-cell helps protect against malaria).

    If homosexuality really is bad, then it will evolve away after a while. Any effort to force homosexuals to breed will just preserve the ‘bad’ genes longer. (Even if it’s only neutral, it’ll most likely go away just through genetic drift). So laws against homosexuality are a bad idea in direct proportion to how bad you assume homosexuality is.

    But if we assume the converse, that homosexuality is objectively neutral – or perhaps even has net advantages for the population that contains it – then laws against homosexuality are also obviously a bad idea.

    If it’s not biologically-influenced – and I can’t see how anyone could really argue this, if sex and sexual orientation don’t have a biological basis, then what the hell does? – then it’s something that consenting adults choose to do. As long as nobody’s being hurt involuntarily, what possible (non-religious) justification could a law against homosexuality possibly have in that case?

    So, no matter what position you take on the subject, laws against homosexuality are stupid.

  19. eamick says

    “The problem is, nobody’s born a homosexual,” he said, explaining that all gay people are converted via “marketing” because the LGBT community “has an agenda” to “repopulate their population by recruiting the children of heterosexuals.”

    Man, I bet the “Shakers” wouldaliked to have thought of this!

    They did. Among other things, the creation of state-run orphanages and stricter controls on adoption brought an end to the practice.

  20. says

    Hmmmm. And I thought watching a Michele Bachmann speech was what made men gay. I bet Marcus was totally hetero before he married her and as a result swore off women forever.

  21. kagekiri says

    What a numbskull. Every “good Christian” knows that Paul gives God the credit for making people deludedly gay in Romans 1.

    So this guy just called God’s works in people (and animals, apparently) the work of demons: from what my old church taught, that’s pretty much blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, which is the unforgiveable sin. You’re good as damned, dude!

    Man, these silly fricking Christians don’t seem to let their own nutty scriptures or doctrines get in the way of ignorance and bigotry, do they? They’re just making all sorts of shit up.

    Reminds me of a Chinese pastor I knew who was convinced that kung-fu masters didn’t use chi, but really used selling their souls to demons to fly about like in the movies or to not be pierced by weapons, and thus all martial arts were sins that would get you possessed by demons.

    I mean, even thinking that kung-fu masters have the powers ascribed to them in movies and legends is pretty dumb (he claimed to have witnessed it even, but he seemed even more prone to making shit up than most pastors), but to think it’s because Satan is giving them power in exchange for their souls? I…cannot believe how deluded I was to think this guy wasn’t utterly ignorant, and how deluded those people who attend his church still are.

  22. says

    kagekiri,
    I know that, traditionally, one goes to the crossroads to sell his soul for success in music, but where does one go to sell a soul for the fabulousness?

  23. wholething says

    @dingojack #8

    “Feet” is often used as a euphemism for genitals in the Bible, such as Ruth 3, where Naomi tells Ruth to go the bed of Boaz to “uncover his feet” so he would redeem her out of slavery.

    In John 12, Lazarus’ sister washes Jesus’ “feet” with an expensive perfume and dries them with her hair (which sounds kinda kinky). In John 13, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, Jesus insists upon washing all the disciples’ “feet”. Peter asks for a shampoo and manicure, too.

  24. Pierce R. Butler says

    Did the Gadarene swine butt-boink each other on the way over the cliff?

  25. Skip White says

    Wow, so that explains why my dog likes to hump the other male dogs in the neighborhood.

  26. eric says

    kagekiri – tell your pastor friend that Big Trouble In Little China is not a documentary.

    fifthdentist – I believe one goes to Macy’s.

  27. jnorris says

    Why on earth would Satan send demons to possess animals and make them gay?
    Does Satan have a surplus of demons who need the work, any work? Are there any True Christians(tm) praying for the animals?
    Does the Vatican have a gay animal exorcist?

    If I start a ministry to cast out the gay demons from animals will True Christians(tm) contribute millions of dollars for my good works?
    Anyone want to help me start my online gay animal demon exorcism ministry?

  28. Ichthyic says

    Why on earth would Satan send demons to possess animals and make them gay

    well, the way I understand it demons and angels don’t actually have genitals, but cloacas instead. I doubt they would even view the issue of gender in the same way humans do.

    the humans just misinterpret random demon-possessed animal coupling because they tend to look at the genders involved.

    all makes perfect sense, see?

  29. says

    “well, the way I understand it demons and angels don’t actually have genitals, but cloacas instead.”

    Do you mean that they have sex with their buttholez? I mean, I think that’s a BAD thing, right there.

    Or, do you mean that they can shit but can’t fuck? I know that would piss ME off! {;>)

  30. KG says

    So, it is possible for demons or the devil to inhabit or invade animals just the same way they invade humans, and that causes the sin of lust. – Gordon Klingenschmitt

    This is surely sufficient evidence on which to have Gordon Klingenschmitt condemned as a heretic. According to True Christians™, non-human animals do not have souls, and so cannot sin.

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