Obama Causes Heart Failure

The coroner’s report on Andrew Breitbart found that he died of heart failure. I wonder how Obama managed to cause that. And obviously, the coroner is in on the coverup. I demand to see his birth certificate immediately. I bet the Illuminati are behind the whole thing.

29 comments on this post.
  1. LightningRose:

    The reich-wing-nuts should take this as a warning.

    Obama knows how to make their deaths look like a heart attack.

  2. richardelguru:

    He can cause heart failure?
    Most of the right-wing should be safe then.

  3. d cwilson:

    Who know Breitbart had a heart to fail?

  4. Brownian:

    The reich-wing-nuts should take this as a warning.

    Obama knows how to make their deaths look like a heart attack.

    I’m sure that, like all conspiracy theorists, they know that the conspirators have the power to silence everybody but people with websites and loudmouths in bars.

    So, they’re safe while being in grave danger.

  5. d cwilson:

    Who know Breitbart had a heart to fail?

    \

    GRRR.

    Who knew Breitbart had a heart to fail?

    That alone is proof of a coverup. If the coroner said the Tin Woodsmen died of heart failure, you’d be suspicious, right?

  6. TCC:

    I wonder how Obama managed to cause that.

    He’s obviously very powerful. I mean, look at what he did to Dick Cheney!

  7. Michael Heath:

    Nah, this wasn’t Obama’s doing. God killed Breitbart for not being conservative enough; God gave Andrew this wonderful opportunity to spread His Word and Breitbart was too much of a sissy boy to git ‘er done.

  8. unbound:

    Obama no longer needs the weirding module…

  9. Bronze Dog:

    I wonder how Obama managed to cause that.

    Deathnote
    How to use it
    1. The human whose name is written in this notebook will die.
    2. The writer must have the victim’s face in his mind, therefore humans sharing the same name will not die.
    3. The cause of death must be written within 40 seconds of writing the name, otherwise the victim will simply die of a heart attack.

  10. christophburschka:

    Where’s the long-form death certificate?

  11. Bronze Dog:

    Where’s the long-form death certificate?

    Okay, you win my internets for today.

  12. tommykey:

    I say Breitbart was killed by Anthony Weiner’s vengeful penis.

  13. Area Man:

    There’s no way Breitbart could have had heart problems. He spent each day being extremely angry, yelling at people, and wallowing in bottomless resentment. Isn’t that kind of exercise supposed to be good for your heart?

  14. slc1:

    I bet the Illuminati are behind the whole thing.

    Nah, it was the Bilderbergers.

  15. Gregory in Seattle:

    Almost certainly, the Illuminati were behind this. But which faction? I’m inclined to say either the Adepts of Hermes: Shangri-La really isn’t into attacks to kill, and the Society of Assasins and Servants of Cthlulhu would have been much less subtle. It is known that Breitbart was a puppet of The Network.

    (Pulls out a blank card and begins to design a heart-attack ray….)

  16. Gregory in Seattle:

    Oops, I meant to say either Adepts of Hermes or the Bavarian Illuminati.

  17. chriswalker:

    No, no, the death was ruled heart failure. Or it was “apparent heart failure”. Have you learned nothing from the Clinton Death List?

  18. jba55:

    “Obama Causes Heart Failure”

    I’m not sure I can believe that. I mean sure, he’s a good looking guy, but he’s not…

    wait for it…
    drop dead gorgeous! Eh? Eh?
    /hides from vengeful mob

  19. Modusoperandi:

    unbound “Obama no longer needs the weirding module…”
    Now you’re just being ridiculous. That’s fiction. Conspiracies are real life!

  20. jnorris:

    Not just the Illuminati but the Trilateral Commission and the Club of Rome!

  21. cottonnero:

    It was Wile E. Coyote-style heart failure. Breitbart had no heart, but didn’t die from heart failure until he realized it. Much like gravity only kicked in for the Coyote when he noticed that he was no longer standing on the cliff edge.

  22. slc1:

    Re jnorris @ #20

    Let’s not forget the Masons and the Council on Foreign Relations.

  23. Andrew Breitbart’s autopsy intentionaly falsified to ignore red skin for poison, not blue to indicate heart attack, some say. | TrenchPress:

    [...] make fun of it, but the question to ask is, what if? Even people believe it or not. For example: http://freethoughtblogs.com/dispatches/2012/04/24/obama-causes-heart-failure/ Related Posts: Was Andrew Breitbart assassinated as a NDAA terrorist IF damaging video of Obama is [...]

  24. dan4:

    @23: Oh, wonderful. Let the kooks come out. (From the link): “Why then was Breitbart’s skin bright red?” Because Andy was always angry and yelling at people, perhaps?

  25. llewelly:

    Andrew Breitbart found that he died of heart failure. I wonder how Obama managed to cause that.

    HAARP: Heart Attack Anti-Republican Program

  26. dingojack:

    Obama Causes Heart Failure“.

    The Surgeon General reports cutting back to one serving of Obama a week reduces the chance of congestive heart failure by over 25%.

    :) Dingo

  27. baal:

    Obama no longer needs the weirding module

    If he’s done with it, I’d like a turn.

    [tinfoil hat]

    The Rosicrucians direct the Illuminati. Never forget that.
    [/tinfoil hat]

  28. caseloweraz:

    “I wonder how Obama managed to cause that.”

    It must be one of those Kenyan tribal secrets — like pointing the bone.

  29. Uncle Glenny:

    “Why then was Breitbart’s skin bright red?”

    As was said, carbon monoxide does this (it binds to the hemoglobin instead of oxygen). Smoking is enough to fool hospital colorimeter-style oxygen saturation meters.

    Was Breitbart a smoker?

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