Lou Engle, the absolutely deranged and self-declared apostle, says that the reason the tornadoes in Dallas last week didn’t kill anyone was because he and his cohorts were praying to God. Right Wing Watch reports:
“We didn’t gather here to have a nice little worship service!” he informed the crowd. “We’re actually creating a throne,” he explained, to contain God and the “angelic hosts by the thousands” who would be attending the rally. Many of them, he said, had come with 39 women, part of an organization called Back To Life, who had just walked from Houston to Dallas to protest legal abortion’s roots in Texas.
“Who would have guessed that when they crossed over the county line of Dallas, 12 tornadoes exploded,” Engle cried. “And no deaths!” The tornadoes, the hail, the grounded planes at the airport — all of this, he told the women and girls and more than a few men in the crowd — were a sign that God would hear the prayers of those assembled, and use them to influence worldly affairs.
Isn’t that convenient? When natural disasters happen and lots of people die, that’s proof that God is sending a message. When they don’t happen or when they happen but no one dies, that proves that prayer works and that God loves us. Heads they win, tails reality loses.
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Gregory in Seattle
April 12, 2012 at 1:12 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The word you want is blackwhite:
anandine
April 12, 2012 at 1:14 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So this time God was just fucking with their property, not their lives. Isn’t this still some sort of lesson for them? I mean, it’s not like god let them completely off the hook. He/She destroyed hundreds of millions of dollars worth of stuff, and they’re grateful they didn’t get killed, too?
raven
April 12, 2012 at 1:23 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
If Lou Engle really had superpowers from the gods, those tornadoes would have happened in San Francisco, Seattle, Wasington DC, Boston, LA, New York City, Houston, and other havens of the Pagans, atheists, and heretics.
harold
April 12, 2012 at 1:58 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Raven –
I was just going to say, there hasn’t been a tornado in NYC for a long time now (there was a small one that destroyed a building in Brooklyn a few years ago, but nobody was hurt). So God must still like New York better than Dallas. Probably because they have a higher murder rate, higher divorce rate, higher teen pregnancy rate, etc. How many droughts, tornadoes, and hurricanes does He have to send before those decadent sinners in Texas get the message?
fifthdentist
April 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Apparently god is sneaky. He sent the 2011 Alabama twisters in the middle of the night so the residents couldn’t get their prayer on and thereby force him to spare their lives. That allowed him to wrack up a body count of more than 250.
fastlane
April 12, 2012 at 2:20 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It was tragic here in Seattle today.
We had a high pollen alert…..
…oh the humanity!
d cwilson
April 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
O Lord, please don’t burn us,
Don’t grill us or toast your flock,
Don’t put us on a barbecue,
Or simmer us in stock,
Don’t braise us or bake or boil us,
Or stir-fry us in a wok.
Oh please don’t lightly poach us,
Or baste us with hot fat,
Don’t fricassee or roast us,
Or boil us in a vat,
And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,
In a Rotissomat.
typecaster
April 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
No, no, you’re looking at it all wrong. These guys have just admitted to being able to prevent storm-related deaths. Insist on it, in fact.
Therefore, ANY storm-related deaths from here on out open these guys up to being sued for wrongful death. If they’d been using their prayerware as advertised, those deaths would have been avoided. What, exactly, was more important than doing that?
I really want to see what the legal blogs would say about a filing of that nature….
John Hinkle
April 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
God is everywhere. This reminds me of that famous paradox: Can god create a throne so big that he himself can squeeze his fat ass into it?
Zinc Avenger
April 13, 2012 at 11:12 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Before I grew up I pretended to have magic powers too.