Klingenschmitt: Gays Want Higher Taxes on Us!


If Gordon Klingenschmitt didn’t exist, I might have to invent him. He’s just such a perfect source of wingnut crazy that I don’t know what I’d do without him. Here he is claiming that gay people want to raise taxes on straight people to pay for their deviant “lifestyle.”

Eight homosexual couples are suing the U.S. Military to accept their illegal “marriages,” and demanding extra homosexual bonus pay with medical benefits. A federal judge in Massachusetts will be asked to overturn the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which defines federal marriage as only lawful between one man and one woman.

The pro-homosexual Huffington Post reports that according to lawyers at the [Sodomites] Legal Defense Network, “the plaintiffs are challenging the constitutionality of DOMA as well as provisions in Titles 10, 32 and 38 of the U.S. Code that prevent service members in same-sex marriages from receiving the same benefits as heterosexual couples…

“At an event announcing the lawsuit at the National Press Club, the plaintiffs and their family members cast the challenge in terms of fairness. ‘The case we are bringing is about one thing, plain and simple: It’s about justice for gay and lesbian service members and their families and our armed forces,’ said Aubrey Sarvis, an Army veteran and the executive director of SLDN. He stressed that all eight plaintiffs were ‘legally married’ in various states.”

In reality, justice is the last thing the homosexuals want. Justice would enforce the law, when actually their petition is for the judge to promote injustice, and overturn the law, forcing higher taxes upon heterosexual families to pay homosexuals extra bonus pay to reward them for their immorality. If they succeed, it will create a monetary incentive for others to engage in immorality, instantly forcing homosexual marriage upon all 50 states with military bases.

Actually, all they want is for the federal government to treat their marriages the same as they treat straight marriages. But on Planet Wingnuttia, that’s a tax increase that will make people want to give homosexuality a try for the “extra” financial benefits. Brilliant!

Comments

  1. tubi says

    make people want to give homosexuality a try for the “extra” financial benefits.

    I’ve been looking for a good excuse to check it out. Gosh I hope the plaintiffs win so I can finally have one.

  2. Alverant says

    As opposed to ending the “marriage penality tax” which is actually a “tax” on homosexual couples since they can’t get married.

  3. noastronomer says

    First in with : Why does Klingenschmitt hate our troops?

    But also…

    “…instantly forcing homosexual marriage upon all 50 states…”

    Naturally Klingenschmitt is completely oblivious to the precedent that if the federal government can define marriage, in the case of DOMA as between a man and a woman, then they can define marriage however the federal government wants.

    Payback is a bitch*.

    Mike.

    * In a completely non-gender-stereotyped sense.

  4. Dexeron says

    Wow. Klingenschmitt actually used the old newspaper-bracket to change the word “Servicemembers” into “Sodomites.”

    Stay classy, Klingenschmitt.

  5. John Hinkle says

    God, this guy has “homo” burned into his brain. He used the word homosexual six times in that little blurb. And “extra homosexual bonus pay”? WTF does that even mean?

  6. a miasma of incandescent plasma says

    It’s really all about the carrot and stick for some people, “well I’m not going to try to be a billionaire if you’re going to tax me at a rate of 30% compared to 15%, cause WHERE’S MY INCENTIVE?!” or “teachers that get tenure don’t care what happens to the children in their class because they don’t have the incentive to care, cause there’s no threat to get fired.”

  7. Hercules Grytpype-Thynne says

    Justice would enforce the law

    So I’m guessing that the concept of an “unjust law” is entirely foreign to him. He should read a little St. Augustine.

  8. sinned34 says

    a tax increase that will make people want to give homosexuality a try for the “extra” financial benefits

    So many wingnuts seem to present homosexuality as this pervasive, seductively attractive lifestyle that is incredibly alluring – all it takes is a small tax rebate or for somebody to admit gays exist and conservatives are terrified that we’ll all succumb to homosexuality.

    I have news for them: I’m straight and have no problems with gay people, but I have no desire to become gay myself. I’m certainly not willing to start batting for the other team just to save a couple hundred dollars a year. Nor am I merely waiting for somebody to tell me that it’s okay to be a homosexual so that I can jump into Fabulousness with both feet.

    It’s almost like wingnuts are battling to suppress deep, dark desires, instead of confidently living out their lives in committed heterosexual relationships.

  9. says

    As a single guy, I’m forced to pay for the education of each child those “Be fruitful and multiply” types bring into the world through my ad valorem taxes on my house and cars. I also pay a penny on every dollar I spend for the local school system. When will this madness end?
    How dare those people raise my taxes because they can’t control filthy, lustful heterosexual lifestyles!
    If those people want their children educated, their wives should remove themselves from the work place and hoem skul them.

  10. jamessweet says

    I actually anticipated this argument a year or two ago, when I was wracking my brain for a half-way legitimate secular argument against marriage equality. The cost in tax revenue was the best I could come up with, but it turns out even that is a falsehood: Numerous studies have found that the net result of marriage equality would be an increase in tax revenue. For instance, all those extra weddings generate a seriously non-trivial amount of sales tax…

    Even if Klingenschmitt’s argument didn’t fail on so many other levels, it turns out to actually just fall down mathematically. Marriage equality generates more revenue than costs. Sorry, Gordy.

  11. raven says

    Actually gays would lower everyone’s taxes.

    Inasmuch as they don’t have children, not strictly true but probably the average family size is pretty low, much of their taxes go towards…people with children.

    A whole lot of my federal, state, and property taxes go towards education and social services and there are also a lot of tax breaks for people with children.

    If you don’t have children or your children are grown up, your taxes are going to benefit other people’s children. I don’t have a problem with this, it is part of living in a civilization.

  12. James C. says

    The guy is clearly just pushing conservative fear buttons, but it’s a very dense control panel. He just wanted to push the TEH GHEY button, but it’s right next to the OMFG TAXES button and his finger moved a millimeter to the left, so he wound up punching both of them.

  13. tfkreference says

    it will create a monetary incentive for others to engage in immorality

    So it would pay to marry a same sex partner rather than an opposite?

    Or is he saying that more people would be encouraged to commit themselves to a partner? Can’t have that, now, can we.

  14. raven says

    it will create a monetary incentive for others to engage in immorality.

    The solution is obvious in our capitalist economy.

    Just pay the gays to go straight. End of problem.

    It’s undoubtedly cheaper than ranting and raving every day for years on end while no one normal pays any attention.

  15. greg1466 says

    In reality, justice is the last thing the homosexuals want. Justice would enforce the law, when actually their petition is for the judge to promote injustice, and overturn the law…

    Hmm, justice. I don’t think that word means what you think it means.

  16. Who Knows? says

    extra homosexual bonus pay

    Shit, we didn’t get extra homosexual bonus pay when I was in the Army. Unless, kicking me out could be considered a bonus?

  17. RickR says

    demanding extra homosexual bonus pay

    Damn! I knew I was forgetting something when I negotiated my last employment contract!

    (SRSLY, these nutjobs are gold just for the lulzworthy phraseology they use. Yesterday’s winner was “sexual entitlement”. Will tomorrow bring “Ghey Welfare”? Stay tuned.)

  18. says

    Hinkle: “extra homosexual bonus pay” means you get paid in extra-gay money — pics of George Washington, Abe Lincoln, etc. that show no interest in pics of Queen Elizabeth. Oh, and Susan B. Anthony dollar coins that get totally hot for Queen Elizabeth.

    What? That’s not it? Okay, smart guy, what is it then? Don’t call me a loony unless you have a better answer than mine.

  19. says

    Notice how Gordo never shows up here anymore? He’s pretty much given up on trying to convince any sane people of his views, and now he’s probably stuck with an audience of idiots, who will desert him the minute he says anything sensible. Just like Chuck Norris, I’m guessing…

  20. iangould says

    Ever notice how anti-gay wingnuts think virtually *anything* will tempt people into turning gay?

    I wonder why that is.

  21. John Hinkle says

    @Bee:

    What? That’s not it? Okay, smart guy, what is it then? Don’t call me a loony unless you have a better answer than mine.

    That’s why I threw up my hands and said WTF? Reading this blog, I throw up my hands so many times per day, I should invent a brace that keeps them up all the time.

  22. JustaTech says

    “Extra bonus pay”? It’s obvious that Gordy doesn’t live on the smae planet with the rest of us, but come on! And really, I don’t see a huge loss of tax revenue here if we expand the “married” pool. In fact, I’m paying *more* taxes this year as a married person than I did last year as a single person. And they were so damn complicated that we had to get a CPA to do it! (Does that make me a job creator?)

    Gordy, why don’t you find something more useful to do with your time, like lick toads.

  23. cptdoom says

    If they succeed, it will create a monetary incentive for others to engage in immorality…

    As opposed to the monetary incentive divorced service members have to opposite-sex marry again? ‘Cause that ain’t allowed by your “god” either, yet somehow that doesn’t get you into such a dither.

  24. netamigo says

    The war to destroy gay families by attacking gay parents and their children is a religious effort to deny governmental benefits to those the religious right deems do not follow their religious beliefs sufficiently. It centers currently on destroying the parents’ marriage. This is starting to fade as an issue. All the leading medical and mental health organizations support marriage equality. The only organized opposition today comes from right-wing religious groups based upon a discredited religious mythology of human sexuality.

    http://psychnews.psychiatryonline.orgnewsArticle.aspx?articleid=180863

  25. Doug Little says

    who will desert him the minute he says anything sensible. Just like Chuck Norris, I’m guessing…

    Wait What! Chuck Norris said something sensible.

  26. dan4 says

    “Sodomites Legal Defense Network?” So if you’re a homosexual and a member of the armed forces, that automatically means that you’re not a virgin? Why do homophobes also equate “homosexuals” and “homosexuality” with sexual acts? It’s definitely NOT the kind of thinking that goes on the other side of the “sexual orientation coin” (i.e. the word “heterosexuality” is pretty much never automatically equated with “penetration,” nor should it be).

  27. says

    And “extra homosexual bonus pay”? WTF does that even mean?

    1) Bonus pay that dates and screws bonus pay of the same sex.

    2) A seventh-grade punk band that came in last at Middleview Junior High’s Battle of the Bands after they spectacularly botched their attempt to perform “Fortunate Son”.

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