Wingnut pastor John Hagee says that God is preparing to kill more than 100 million Americans in the “end times” — one person for each abortion that took place in this country. And you better believe he’s gonna do it because, you know, Noah’s Ark and all.
Read Revelation 9:15. It’s the sixth trumpet. There are four angels released by God himself to destroy one third of mankind in one day. The Bible says there is a year, a month, a day and an hour that God picked out from Genesis 1, that one third of mankind on that day, by the will and hand of God will be destroyed. You say, ‘I have a hard time believing that.’ May I refer you to Noah and the flood? Believe it.
In America, we have something over 300 million people. That means 100 million people in this country in 24 hours, gone. You’ve heard me say that I believe God will require a life for every child killed in every abortion clinic in America. I believe that’s where the tally is going to be set, right there.
Except Noah’s Ark is a ridiculous story believed only by the ignorant and the credulous. And remember, you have to love this barbaric God because he’s just so gosh darn loving.
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coragyps
March 26, 2012 at 12:32 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
That sounds like there’s about a 33% chance that Hagee will go out in that first round…….
raven
March 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
What an idiot. He doesn’t even know his own mythology.
Jesus is going to show up Any Minute Now, 2,000 years late and kill 7 billion people and destroy the earth. An event known as the Happy Second Genocide because jesus loves us.
I’m sure in Hagee’s estimation, it would be way more than 100 million Americans. He is an anti-Catholic and anti-Mormon bigot, so there they go. Then the atheists. Moderate Protestants. Anyone not from his weird cult. Must be up to around 300 million people by now.
FWIW, the Rapture is scheduled to occur on May 27, 2012 according to a fundie wingnut named Weinland. Do make sure to empty the wine cellar before then.
raven
March 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Revelation is a list of future events. None of them have yet happened. It’s safe to say that none of them will happen, it’s just some wacko’s drug trip.
I do hope the fundies are sending large sums of money to Hagee. Harold Camping raised millions of dollars and was wrong three times. Despite jesus being the all powerful god who created the universe, his self proclaimed servants always seem to need money.
The Lorax
March 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hey, sweet, another opportunity for an Apocalypse Party!
By the way Pastor, when is this going to occur? mm? … c’mon, gimme a date man. I mean, it has to happen soon, otherwise you are a liar, since you said 100 million Americans will be killed, and well, you know how population works. In a few decades, we will easily have doubled, I’m sure of it, and then that 100 mil figure you quoted will be factually wrong, which makes you a liar.
Wasn’t there something in the bible about humans not being able to know when Judgement Day would arrive? D’ya think the Pastor could look that passage up for me, ’cause I forget it.
Also, why just abortions? Why not other cruel acts, like child rape. Surely someone has to die for those, right? But no, I’m sure the Pastor just lumped them in with the abortion revenge. He’s a straight-up guy, he wouldn’t lie to us, bloat numbers, or willfully ignore anything that doesn’t enhance his worldview.
Also, I gotta question… we humans have quite a few boats nowadays. Stands to reason that if God is gonna flood the Earth again, a lot more people would survive. Though, probably less than those 200 million Americans who don’t get killed.
Goodness, I’m confused now… maybe the Pastor can clarify the details on all of this.
Pierce R. Butler
March 26, 2012 at 12:41 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It’s been nice knowing y’all…
Bronze Dog
March 26, 2012 at 12:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Wait. First:
Then:
So, either he’s suggesting the death toll will be largely averaged by nationality, or possibly he’s suggesting that furriners aren’t a part of mankind. That might just be my cynical interpretation, though.
Of course, I doubt he cares about whether or not those angels will discriminate in their slaughter of whole human beings for the sake of vengeance on behalf of non-conscious fetuses. His god certainly doesn’t seem to care who gets killed by all the natural disasters, so long as there’s death and destruction for him to get his jollies from.
It would make things interesting if those angels killed off a third of heaven’s population for all the natural, spontaneous abortions their god supposedly is responsible for, given how he designed human fertility. We’d likely end up with a divine duality, rather than a trinity.
tommykey
March 26, 2012 at 12:51 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I believe God will require a life for every child killed in every abortion clinic in America.
What about the children killed outside of abortion clinics?
fifthdentist
March 26, 2012 at 12:54 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Sure, there have been a lot of deadly tornadoes in recent years. But at that rate, god’s going to be at it for quite some time to hit the 100 million mark.
Maybe he should blow Yellowstone wide open. Now that would be hitting some big numbers in no time.
raven
March 26, 2012 at 12:55 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
According to Revelation, a woman has to stand on the moon and give birth while a weird looking dragon tries to eat the kid. One wonders where god is while his girl friend is doing all this. You would think he would deepsix the dragon at least.
No one has ever seen that because it hasn’t happened yet. And it isn’t going to.
FWIW, according to Revelation, the only people raptured are going to be 144,000 male Jewish virgins.
Fundies do this a lot. Claim the bible says whatever they want it to say and hope no one actually reads it. It works really well.
PS Where is Deuteronomy when you need it. According to that book, false prophets are to be stoned to death. If they ever paid any attention to their magic book, Hagee would be dead under a pile of rocks long ago.
dingojack
March 26, 2012 at 12:56 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Fortunately, the amount of children killed in abortion clinics is as near zero as to be zero. Whew, lucky that!
Dingo
LightningRose
March 26, 2012 at 12:57 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
WTF? Yahweh is already the greatest mass murderer in history, having killed everyone born more than 120 years ago (except for a few tortoises), and a sizable percentage of those born since then.
lofgren
March 26, 2012 at 12:57 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I knew there was a reason I hadn’t seen a rainbow recently. When it comes to promises, god is worse than my mortgage broker.
quagmire
March 26, 2012 at 1:00 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Supposing he’s correct, why would anyone want to worship such a god – one who kills random people because of things other people did?
ogremk5
March 26, 2012 at 1:01 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@Raven,
I always asked my Jehovah’s Witness friends about the 144,000 figure. They literally believe that to be true. Of course THEY are the true sons of Abraham or something. So I asked him why he was evangelizing. What if someone he converted turned out to be a better JW than him and he missed heaven by that one spot?
How silly would that be? I’m afraid it didn’t take though.
Cliff Hendroval
March 26, 2012 at 1:01 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Does fat boy really believe the garbage he spews, or is he just stirring up the rubes? I suppose we’ll never know.
Gregory in Seattle
March 26, 2012 at 1:02 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Revelations is not a book of prophesy, it is a first-hand account: Armageddon occured about 1950 years ago, on time and under budget. Those of us on Earth know are the descendants of those who were “left behind.”
You have to admit, it makes more sense than than what Hagee believes.
jonathanh
March 26, 2012 at 1:02 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
If America doesn’t turn to the Dark Side the death Star will blow us up!
You say, ‘I have a hard time believing that.’ May I refer you to Alderaan? Believe it.
Ing: I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream So I Comment Instead
March 26, 2012 at 1:03 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Because fetus’s are the perfect victim. They can’t ask you to stop co-opting them because you’re not helping.
Ing: I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream So I Comment Instead
March 26, 2012 at 1:05 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The God of JW’s and Calvinists and other predestinationists always reminded me of the Terrible Tedium from The Phantom Toll Booth. It doesn’t matter that it makes no sense and has no pay out, do it anyway.
yoav
March 26, 2012 at 1:05 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’m not really concerned about god showing up and killing millions of people anytime soon, I am however quite concerned about Hagee or some of his buddies deciding to do the mass murder on his behalf.
dingojack
March 26, 2012 at 1:11 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“Why not other cruel acts, like child rape”?
Well that’d mean the
pastas, sorry, Pastors (or, Heddle, Ministers) would have to give up their favourite hobby (for fear of god’s wrath*), and, you know, minister.Dingo
—–
* unless god is simply the ultimate paedophilic enabler
lofgren
March 26, 2012 at 1:15 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
This aspect of biblical “literalists” has always bugged me to no end. You are left to conclude that they don’t know what literal means, that they have never read the bible, or that the end of the world will look something like Apocamon
Reginald Selkirk
March 26, 2012 at 1:20 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
What Revelation Reveals
Balstrome
March 26, 2012 at 1:22 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Why did the reporter not ask him the rainbow question. Seriously who’s side are these guys on?
jba55
March 26, 2012 at 1:25 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
#17 is a perfect example of why this blog needs a “like” button for comments.
Also didn’t their god say that he wouldn’t do that mass murder kind of thing again after the flood? I could be mistaken of course, but I seem to remember that.
Ing: I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream So I Comment Instead
March 26, 2012 at 1:33 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@Jba55
Recall how God is depicted in the bible (hint just like any other pagan diety)
He promised he wouldn’t kill everyone THAT way…with a flood. Seriously between this and his weakness to iron it’s clear Yahweh is a faye
jba55
March 26, 2012 at 1:38 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@Ing: Aaaah, I see. If he was faye I think that would actually make things a lot more clear. Or at least it would explain his wild mood swings, violent temper and penchant for random rules that you have to follow or else!!
grumpyoldfart
March 26, 2012 at 1:41 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The audience looked pretty convinced. I wonder how many of them will protest against this sort of hate speech by withholding their tithes at future services? I’m guessing, not one!
jonathanh
March 26, 2012 at 1:41 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Thinking about this, is he implying that if we as a country stop having abortions God will go easy on us? I mean, the Bible says God’s going to wipe out a third of the population. From that it seems like he’s just set on his own premeditated arbitrary genocide, all the abortion talk is just the nonsense frosting on the crazy cake.
John Hinkle
March 26, 2012 at 1:51 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
An hour, hmm? Which timezone?
raven
March 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Yeah, it says that. After the Big Boat Genocide, god promises not to do it again.
Fundies claim that he merely promised not to drown everyone again but that isn’t really the case. While he did say that, he also said the earth would “endure”.
Biblical exegenesis is just another term for Making Stuff Up.
naturalcynic
March 26, 2012 at 1:53 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Since the Mormons baptize in absentia, I think that they should do the same kind of thing for false prophets, stone one of their members for all of their prophets who turned out to be wrong. I think one of the Romney boys should stand in for Brigham Young.
anandine
March 26, 2012 at 1:54 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
If only 144,000 are to be saved, and 100,000,000 are to be killed, what about the other 200,000,000 people who are to be neither saved nor killed?
dingojack
March 26, 2012 at 1:55 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“faye”? So you think god is a women?
Note also:
“fay
“fairy,” 1393, from O.Fr. fae, from V.L. fata, fem. sing of L. fata (neut. pl.), lit. ‘the Fates.’ Adj. meaning ‘homosexual’ is attested from 1950s”.
Which of these “… would explain his wild mood swings, violent temper and penchant for random rules that you have to follow or else!!”
:D Dingo
Randomfactor
March 26, 2012 at 2:00 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Lorax, I believe the next schedule Apocalypse is May 27. Plenty of time to get good seats.
dingojack
March 26, 2012 at 2:01 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Perhaps you were going for fey. Related, but different.
Dingo
Randomfactor
March 26, 2012 at 2:08 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’m assuming that Hagee is counting from Roe V. Wade’s inception. My back-of-the-envelope calculation is that roughly 100,000,000 Americans have died since then, so the debt’s been covered already.
But in researching it, I did find an interesting chart. Obama “Death Panels” are apparently quite real–watch the per-capita death rate over the past decade or so. (What the hell happened in 2002?)
http://www.indexmundi.com/g/g.aspx?c=us&v=26
Larry
March 26, 2012 at 2:13 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Not if the Inca god gets there first!
jayhawk
March 26, 2012 at 2:27 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
100,000,000 get an instant ticket to paradise. Isn’t that a GOOD thing?
I have never understood why Christians fear going to paradise and do everything they can to prevent it.
It is almost like they don’t really believe it???
Think about it, from a Christian perpestive, all medicine should be about pain relief, but none of it should be about prolonging life. I understand it could be interpreted to be a sin to intentially shorten your life, but why would you purposely lengthen your trip to paradise?
Kevin
March 26, 2012 at 2:34 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Of course, never forget that Hagee thinks the destruction of 1/3 of the planet’s population will be a good thing.
Because it will usher in the 1,000 year reign of his magic zombie.
Hagee is looking forward to that happy time. Is eagerly praying for it to happen today.
So, what’s the big concern about abortions, then? If he wants 100 million dead, what are a few zygotes to the mix?
He is creepy beyond all degrees of prior creepiness.
holytape
March 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Haggee is wrong, the ratio isn’t 1 out of 3, the bible, once understood, predicts a ratio of 2063 out of every 7919 people. And it won’t take 24 hours, but it will be much longer as Death is riding an animal, and not using modern means of transportation. (Many people errously believe Death will be riding a horse, but truth is that he’ll be riding an American bison.
baal
March 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
As we all know, stars being smaller than the earth and 1/3 of them being oh, billions of stars?
I occasionally see that these folks don’t always understand causality and how later events don’t or didn’t occur until earlier events do or did but getting the scale this wrong is still bit of a boggle. In that context, sure why not off just 100 mill. It’s only a number unless it’s soylent green.
dingojack
March 26, 2012 at 3:08 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Holtape – “… the bible, once understood, predicts a ratio of 2063 out of every 7919 people.”
Cittion required.
Dingo
dingojack
March 26, 2012 at 3:12 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
oops ‘citation required’
Dingo
tbp1
March 26, 2012 at 3:22 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The obvious glee with which many on the religious right contemplate the eternal torment of their fellow humans is one of the most offputting things about them. I was particularly struck by this after the deaths of Carl Sagan and Stephen Jay Gould, when the right-wing blogosphere was positively flooded with people chortling over their imagined sufferings.
heddle
March 26, 2012 at 3:27 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
DJ #21
Ah yes, a reference to your impeccable logic from the other thread. That is, in spite of no support from a dictionary or thesaurus,
Minister’s “minister” and ministers “proselytize.” Ergo, ipso facto, QED, minister is a synonym for proselytize and the dictionary and thesaurus can STFU.
By extension,
• Minister’s “minister” and ministers “buy theology books.” Ergo, ipso facto, QED, minister is a synonym for buy theology books.
• Minister’s “minister” and ministers “obtain seminary degrees.” Ergo, ipso facto, QED, minister is a synonym for obtain seminary degrees.
• Minister’s “minister” and ministers “sign checks.” Ergo, ipso facto, QED, minister is a synonym for sign checks.
You are nothing DJ if not a master logician.
Area Man
March 26, 2012 at 3:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
There have apparently been about 50 million abortions since Roe, so we’ve paid double the debt! In your face, God!
otrame
March 26, 2012 at 3:52 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I used to make it a habit to watch the local televangelist, just to see what the enemy was up to. When I moved to San Antonio, about 23 years ago, I checked out Hagee. On that very first time I saw him, in late October, he stood up at that pulpit and told a bald-faced lie. It was an obvious lie. He said that every year a million children were sacrificed by Satanists on Halloween night. Some were babies deliberately conceived by Satanists to be sacrificed, the rest, most of them, were kidnapped kids. One million. Each year.
And that audience sat there and nodded their heads.
It broke something in me, I think. How could anyone pretending to be a sentient adult sit there and nod while a “man of God” tells lies? Obvious lies? Stupid lies.
I was not a child at the time, but I feel like I didn’t really understand our problem until then. The problem is not John Hagee. The problem is those people who sit there and nod their heads.
Jadehawk, cascadeuse féministe
March 26, 2012 at 4:04 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
so god is doing his killing based on national quotas? you’d think the godless countries would be overrepresented, but apparently not…
brian
March 26, 2012 at 4:09 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
This would be a serious national security threat, so I hope people start asking their national leaders (and candidates) just what they’re doing to make sure we’re ready for an attack from God.
Who knows, after the fetus vengeance is over, maybe he’ll go after 1 person for everyone who died due to lack of ability to afford healthcare.
On the other hand, I have heard this nasty rumor that 100% of Americans (and other nationalities, in fact) are going to die, with life expectancies seldom exceeding 80-90 years, so maybe we should just let god do his thing.
Jadehawk, cascadeuse féministe
March 26, 2012 at 4:11 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
that’s one of my favorite lines from revelations; the massive clusterfuck that would be 1/3 of all visible stars suddenly hurling themselves towards earth would wipe out the entire solar system in an instant; and that’s ignoring* the minor detail that a lot of these stars are hundreds, thousands, even millions of lightyears away; that kind of armageddon would take forever, even if stars could travel at the speed of light.
- – - –
*after all, they could have been teleported into the solar system
jimmiraybob
March 26, 2012 at 4:23 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
FWIW, the Rapture is scheduled to occur on May 27, 2012…
And me with so much yard work to do. Probably won’t even get a chance to paint the fence. Damned end of times. On a bright note, I will win the student loan pay back war.
fifthdentist
March 26, 2012 at 4:24 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@ tbp1
The Foxinistas also took several shots at Kurt Vonnegut when he died.
Jadehawk, I always figured that one star colliding with the earth would pretty much ruin our day, permanently. That many more stars would just be overkill.
michaelgaribaldi
March 26, 2012 at 4:37 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Could Hagee just please go ahead and tell us where the priest touched him?
Dexeron
March 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It reminds me of an old Arthur C. Clarke essay in which he wonders if even God is limited by the speed of light. It’s not that prayers are going unanswered, it’s that God is coming just as quickly as he can. ;)
M Groesbeck
March 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
raven @ 3 –
Alternately, Revelation was a political rant on behalf of a kooky new religious group which was, in the tradition of the day, written in off-the-wall metaphors in an attempt to avoid suppression and then later re-interpreted by heirs of that kooky religious group once they lost the social context.
heddle
March 26, 2012 at 5:23 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Gregory in Seattle
Pretty close! Actually it was 1942 years ago. But really–well done!
F
March 26, 2012 at 5:50 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So, gawd is gonna kill one third of humans, and he’s going to do it one-third per nation-state? Get outta here. Go on now.
oldwolf49
March 26, 2012 at 5:53 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
As an atheist I got one thing to say, “BRING IT!!”
Aliasalpha
March 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Sounds like a clear case of conspiracy to commit genocide, issue an arrest warrant & bring god in.
Is being an accessory to a crime possible before the crime? Hagee sounds like he’s in on it to me
ohioobserver
March 26, 2012 at 6:41 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Can’t this guy be prosecuted for “Inducing panic” or some such socially disruptive offense?
quagmire
March 26, 2012 at 6:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
There are not any “visible” stars (if we mean visible to the naked eye at the time the Bible was written, since there were no binoculars or telescopes yet) in the night sky that are “millions of lightyears away”. The most distant naked-eye stars are in the 10,000-20,000 light year range.
rjmx
March 26, 2012 at 6:44 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
F@58:
Our odds of surviving would much improve if we all moved to, say, China.
Tony
March 26, 2012 at 7:12 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Mr Hagee:
I guess you don’t think you’ll be part of that number. I wonder if Rick Santorum or his wife will be among those ‘smote’. After all, the wife of that hateful, bile-spilling, puke-inducing, homophobic, misogynistic, regressive, douchebag had an abortion.
I find it scary that you say this like it would be a good thing. When she/it decides to smite the US, a loss of 1/3 of the population would likely include many pregnant women.
Also, is she/he supposed to kill 1/3 of the US or the world? You’re a little confusing. I hope you realize that the Flying Spaghetti Monster can smite 1/3 of the world’s population but leave the United States intact, right?
Makes me wonder how many abortions at abortion clinics have been performed in the United States. Soooo:
Hmmm, more than I thought (assuming these were all performed at abortion clinics to be fair to you, even though you don’t show the same virtue). All that means is that’s the number of legal abortions performed in the US. The problem with that is…what?
raven @2:
Those ‘theists for genocide’ have been waiting a while now on their zombie savior to return. Is his alarm clock broken? Is he on an extended masturbatory session? Or maybe he has agoraphobia.
Lorax @4:
Well, we already know that god supports child rape (vis a vis priest child rape scandals), so of course he wouldn’t condemn that. I’m also not sure why god would be against abortions, given that he’s fond of terminating lives whimsically, many times while they’re in the womb.
Tony
March 26, 2012 at 7:41 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
anandine @33:
-Post Zombie Jesus Returns Orgy!
Zombie Jesus After-Party!
The “He took everyone at 4:19, and it’s now 4:20″ Mary Jane celebration!
Pick an option.
Me, I’ll take all 3.
Dingo @44:
I think you had it right the first time with “cittion”. Finding a citation to support ridiculous biblical figures like that might be next to impossible (plus, citations are utilized by honest individuals). Whatever ‘proof’ brought back might properly be called a ‘cittion’.
Jadehawk @51:
::sarcasm ahead:: No teleportation needed. God in all his glory transcends the bounds he set for this pathetic mortal realm. The speed of sound? A piffle. The speed of thought? trivial. The speed of god? limitless. I guess the same holds true for his pet dragon that he used to court his little lady.
jba55
March 26, 2012 at 7:50 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“Pretty close! Actually it was 1942 years ago. But really–well done!” – heddle
Assuming of course that your belief in preterism is correct, which many other Christians would disagree with. Could you share with us what leads you to believe that that is the way things are?
raven
March 26, 2012 at 9:04 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
LOL, That is a staple of the fundies.
They actually got the FBI to investigate this once. They never found a single case. And of course, it made no difference.
The other staple myth is that UFO’s exist and are piloted by demons from hell. And the evidence for that is also zero.
desoto
March 26, 2012 at 9:53 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Won’t do – doesn’t guarantee that the “killers” are women. Wouldn’t fit in with the misogynistic theme.
Doug Little
March 26, 2012 at 10:48 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
This sounds like something we should be defending ourselves against not worshiping. Are these angels the reapers from Mass Effect 3? Quick everybody grab your plasma rifles lets get it on.
pacal
March 26, 2012 at 10:54 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
No doubt Hagee creams his jeans at the thought og GOD murdering 100 million people.
Winterwind
March 26, 2012 at 11:34 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hagee just admitted that his God is a terrorist. If anyone else had threatened to kill 100 million Americans, dwarfing the tragedy of September 11, your military would already be launching the planes and drones.
Hopefully we’ll see God in Guantanomo Bay soon. Or perhaps Obama will just track Him to His secret lair in Pakistan and take Him down.
dingojack
March 26, 2012 at 11:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Heddle – Firstly, lighten up. Secondly:
You were saying?
So if the world ended 1942 years ago, and the gospel was preached to all nations, how come Amerindians, Maori, Australian Aboriginals, Chinese, Koreans, Japanese, various Poly, Micro and Melanesians, most Germanic and Slavic tribes, most of the Roman Empire, most African Tribes, The people of India etc. had never heard of this minor prophet who claimed to speak for your god?
Guess they’re children of a lesser god.
:) Dingo
TCC
March 26, 2012 at 11:51 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Wait, you mean something described in the Bible reflects a naive or primitive understanding of the universe? My faith is rocked to its core. (So rocked, in fact, that its effects reached back two months.)
Doug Little
March 26, 2012 at 11:57 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
As it should be.
TCC
March 27, 2012 at 12:05 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Doug: I do hope you noted that final sentence and realize that I was being sarcastic.
navigator
March 27, 2012 at 12:16 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
winterwind @71
Yes, I hope the FBI and the CIA are investigating this “Jehovah” person. He’s obviously a terrorist. Oh, and the DEA should check him out too. I mean, what is all this manna stuff he left laying around all over the place where children could ingest it? Is he trying to create future addicts?
Seriously, if this stuff happens, I totally covet the “crown of twelve stars”. The whore of Babylon gets this nifty tiara? Can I order one on-line, like a Harry Potter wand?
AJS
March 27, 2012 at 4:40 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hey, don’t knock praeterism!
If the entire Bible is literally true then Matthew 24:34, Mark 13:30 and Luke 21:32 must be literally true. Meaning the events described in the Revelation of St John must have already happened. Otherwise, who’s to say that, e.g., any of Genesis is literally true?
Pointing and laughing at a group of people standing at a bus stop on the first night of Summer Time, nearly an hour after the last bus has already been and gone, is schadenfreude — but having to walk home or pay for a taxi is hardly in the same league as suffering for eternity.
birgerjohansson
March 27, 2012 at 4:58 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I thought Revelation had been, er, revealed to be a fairly typical allegorical rant for the era it was written.
The cultists will never, ever read their texts in a historical context.
— — — — — — — —
“God Preparing to Kill 100 Million Americans”
And yet the cops continue to give me lots of aggro about some few missing persons and my wood chipper (demented laughter).
democommie
March 27, 2012 at 8:19 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“I wonder if Rick Santorum or his wife will be among those ‘smote’. After all, the wife of that hateful, bile-spilling, puke-inducing, homophobic, misogynistic, regressive, douchebag had an abortion.”
I was accused of being hateful towards Li’l Rick for saying something much less inflammatory. I’ll be stealing this, Tony.
Some say the oldest profession is prostitution. I’d say it’s preaching.
bahrfeldt
March 27, 2012 at 8:29 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
John Hagee = Harold Campings. IIRC false prophets are frowned upon.
sosw
March 27, 2012 at 8:47 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@10 dingojack:
Well, considering that some of the pregnant girls might be considered children, it might be non-zero…as even modern abortions done properly carry some risks of complications (like any medical procedure). Contraception is always the safest alternative.
But in any case, that’s nowhere even remotely as risky as actually giving birth…which is a genuinely risky procedure, even with the best care. It’s a big enough risk that you should never force anyone to take it against their will.
Which is one of the many reasons why abortion needs to be a choice.
My GF’s sister’s son is adorable, but his birth was difficult and almost killed his mother…I’m happy things turned out the way they did (both are fine), but had his mother been forced to take that risk, rather than choose to (as she did), I would not approve.
longstreet63
March 27, 2012 at 9:38 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It’s finally obvious to me.
Jesus Christ is a Reaper.
Gregory in Seattle
March 27, 2012 at 10:02 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@heddle #57 – I’ve been using that schtick for years, and it turns out there really is a school of eschatology that holds to it. Very cool, thanks!
Doug Little
March 27, 2012 at 10:37 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
TCC
No, I took it as sarcasm.
godlesspanther
March 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hagee is on TBN. Jan and Paul are in deep doo-doo at this time.
I wonder what will happen to Hagee and them after TBN is dust.
Dear John Hagee,
May I refer you to Jim and Tammy Baaker? Believe it.