It’s Raining Rationality!

Today is the Reason Rally and it looks like it’s gonna be thunderstorms all day long. No doubt the wingnuts will declare this to be God’s judgment and warning to us to change our evil ways — because, of course, it’s so incredibly unusual for it to rain in Washington, DC in the spring. And that claim will only reinforce the necessity of fostering a more rational view of the world.

Seriously, a rainstorm is the best God can do? In the old days he supposedly rained down fire from the heavens, sent plagues of locusts, wiped out cities — and now all he can do is spit out a mundane rainstorm? I think God should prove his existence by opening a giant hole at the national mall and swallowing us all up. Go ahead, God — I double dog dare ya.

Or maybe you could turn Richard Dawkins into a pillar of salt. Or cause an earthquake that will topple the Washington Monument on top of us all. Or send in an army of the righteous to murder all the men and married women, then let them keep the young women for themselves. Heck, it worked on the Midianites, right? I think it’s time for God to kick it old school and pull out some seriously Biblical responses.

He won’t, of course. But he has a hell of an excuse — non-existence.

15 comments on this post.
  1. cafeeineaddicted:

    . Or send in an army of the righteous[...]

    Easy on the self-fulfilling prophecies.

  2. Who Knows?:

    You want an explanation?

  3. Raging Bee:

    Actually, we in DC were starting to complain of the lack of rain; so if the wingnuts link the rain to God’s opinion of the Reason Rally, that won’t exactly make us think ill of the Reason Rally.

  4. laurentweppe:

    I think God should prove his existence by opening a giant hole at the national mall and swallowing us all up.

    You should excuse the Allmighty for not even trying: He tried to tell Rick Perry that he was full of shit about Global Warming by burning Texas, yet the governor did not get the hint.
    So doubtlessly, Dawkin would dismiss God sending him two dozens horny fat men with no sense of personal space and nespresso machines to explain him why he went overboard with the elevatorgate as the quantum foam glitching.

  5. LightningRose:

    “Or cause an earthquake that will topple the Washington Monument on top of us all.”

    Now, *that* could happen…

  6. suzysalaksartok:

    It rains on atheists = God is mad at evil secularists
    Touchdown Jesus struck by lightning = God is mad at evil secularists
    Pray for rain, get wildfires = God is mad at evil secularists

    At least god has a consistent message.

  7. bricewgilbert:

    I’m soooo scared of so many things with this rally. Anything that can get the press (or the Daily Show) to talk shit about it. Already we have people talking about the numbers of how many people are showing up without any real data. I hope i’m i’m being paranoid.

  8. exdrone:

    Just invoke the golfer’s ritual. Stand by a window with your hands on your hips, stare at the rain clouds and say, “Yup, this’ll clear up in about half an hour.” It really doesn’t matter how much it might be raining. In the case of fog, you need to change “clear up” to “burn off”.

  9. naturalcynic:

    Or send in an army of the righteous to murder all the men and married women, then let them keep the young women for themselves. Heck, it worked on the Midianites, right?

    Nah, just kill ‘em all. How many virgins over the age of 16 will be there? And the ones that are will be too uppity anyway.

  10. Azkyroth:

    One more reason having it in the middle of the school semester was a boneheaded move.

  11. raven:

    One more reason having it in the middle of the school semester was a boneheaded move.

    Wondering that myself. The season and timing.

    Seems like summer would be better. Or early fall, late spring.

  12. otrame:

    Summertime in D.C. can be lethal in large crowds. Hot and so humid you can cut the air into blocks and use them to build stuff.

  13. Tenebras:

    As someone who once lived only a few blocks from The Mall, I have to agree with otrame: Summers in the city are hot as hell. In a crowd that big, you’d have a lot of problems with people getting sick from the heat and being unable to get out of it. The Mall is big and open, and shade is not the easiest thing to find. Spring is a good time to have it, it’s cooler and you have the benefit of pretty cherry blossoms. ;P I wish I could be there, but I couldn’t get off work. My best friend got to go. I’m totally jealous. XP

  14. sonjaphillips:

    Is that why it never rains on their”holy days”?

  15. abb3w:

    All in all, a nice event, despite the drizzle.

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