Romney: Son of the South »« Greta’s Book is Out!

Finally, a Constructive Suggestion for Jessica

Saw this over at JT’s place and it made me laugh. It’s a letter to the editor of the Providence Journal suggesting that Christians should take concrete and effective action to convert Jessica Ahlquist to Christianity.

Excoriating Jessica Ahlquist is not going to accomplish anything positive. What will help is for all believers to offer up to God their prayers, fasts and other sacrifices for her conversion and that of all atheists, especially during Lent. Small sacrifices add up. Forgo a candy bar, a new blouse, etc. God may have allowed this controversy for a reason — for Jessica’s conversion. We are his tools; let him use us. God is in charge!

I absolutely agree. Everyone who disagrees with Jessica should pray, fast and sacrifice candy bars in the name of converting her. That’s a lot better than sending threatening emails and letters. Pray, fast and sacrifice candy bars 24 hours a day if you want.

Thanks for the blog fodder, JT. But I’m still gonna crush you like a grape at the poker tournament.

Comments

  1. baal says

    I’ve often thought that I’d convert to Christianity if someone would just not get a new shirt or buy candy bars. Now if they’d just tell which Christianity is the right one…

  2. harold says

    As a completely non-religious person, who has never been religious, I have no problem with this.

    How could I? It is entirely their right to express this sentiment.

    Furthermore, while some may not make the distinction, I differentiate between those who behave in a violent or disrespectful way, and use religion as an excuse, versus people who do not do that, but call themselves religious.

    To put it another way, I can’t read anybody’s mind. What I care about is how they behave.

    Let the flames begin.

  3. MyPetSlug says

    This is pretty funny. Perhaps Jessica should reply to the editor that even if she converted to Christianity, the prayer mural would *still* be a violation of church and state.

  4. dontpanic says

    I’m always confused by these sort of displays. How is that supposed to work, what with “free will” and all that? Now if they were directly offering Jessica the candy bars (per becca) I could see how one could hope to change her behaviour/thoughts. But random anonymous people praying and fasting unbeknownst to Jessica?

    Is doG supposed to swoop down and poke a finger into Jessica’s brain to change her thoughts because enough people didn’t by a blouse or candybar? If doG can do that, ah, at will why doesn’t he do that for everyone right now? Then there would be no “sin”, no disagreement, no need to ask forgiveness — we could all be “good” all the time.

  5. Larry says

    Maybe they’ll nail candy bars to crosses all over town?

    In my best Homer Simpson scream: Noooooooooooooooooo!

  6. says

    Translation: threats don’t work, and they don’t have reason on their side, so it’s time to go back to good old fashioned manipulation, possibly accompanied by some prayerful stalking. That’s the evangelical playbook, and it’s pretty much tailored toward young students.

  7. exdrone says

    Pray for her?? Fundies, fundies, just bribe her. She’s an atheist, so she’ll cave. You’re giving up things for Lent anyways, so start sending that money to her. It’ll either corrupt her, or she’ll be overwhelmed by Christian generosity. I promise. Now, if she starts using that money for causes to which you object, it just means that you haven’t sent her enough money yet.

  8. says

    dontpanic, here me out. You have free will, right, because God can’t mess with it. That’s, like, His one rule.
    And then He messes with it. He’s such a prankster.
    He wants you to come to Him of your own free will. Even though He’s omniscient and already knows what happens, because He really didn’t think this through. Luckily He’s omnipotent, so He makes Himself forget how bad He is at being the ultimate being.
    With booze. It’s kind of sad, really.

  9. John Hinkle says

    We are his tools; let him use us.

    What’s this “let” stuff? He’ll use you if he damn well pleases. And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.

    Well, there is one thing you can do about it: pray. Because prayer does something. Or not. But that’s not your concern, because he works in mysterious ways. But keep trying to influence him, because nothing works like prayer.

  10. frog says

    Can we get them to give up gasoline for Lent, too? If enough of them go along with it, the price will drop and the rest of us can enjoy the spring.

  11. says

    Okay, this:

    “Excoriating Jessica Ahlquist is not going to accomplish anything positive. What will help is for all believers to offer up to God their prayers, fasts and other sacrifices for her conversion and that of all atheists, especially during Lent. Small sacrifices add up. Forgo a candy bar, a new blouse, etc.”

    would go a long way towards explaining Jason Russell’s teh Batshit KKKrazzee episode a few weeks back–well not the jerking-off part, but still…

  12. lancifer says

    We are his tools; let him use us.

    Oh, now they’ve gone and done it!

    This “letter writer” didn’t capitalize the pronouns when referring to “Him”.

    I think some major smiting is in their future. The Lord thy God is a wrathful, vain, megalomaniacal, jealous prick. He doesn’t “let little things go”.

    I hope they like oozing sores and plagues of locusts.

    But of course He will only do this because He loves them.

  13. woolonwire says

    “Forgo a candy bar, a new blouse, etc” while silly would still look good on the back of a T shirt.

Leave a Reply