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Mar 13 2012

Eugene Delgaudio’s Perfect Scam

I wrote recently about the fundraising emails I get constantly from Eugene Delgaudio, an actual elected official in Virginia. Rob Tisinai sent me a link to a blog that documents what a lucrative little scam the guy has going, pocketing almost $200,000 a year with those emails.

So it costs him almost a quarter of a million a year just to maintain his basic operation. That’s actually not too bad. You might be wondering how much of that sum is Delgaudio’s salary. Well, none. Zip, zilch, nada. The records are clear. He doesn’t draw a salary. What selfless devotion to the cause!

Except for…well, except for the management fee paid to Eugene Delgaudio & Associates, Inc., a management consulting company wholly owned by, of course, Eugene Delgaudio. It’s $163,944, plus another $7662 buried in other expenses, for a grand total of $171,606.

$171,606. That’s what Delgaudio pays himself every year.

He also copies this hilarious text from one of Delgaudio’s previous emails that I didn’t see. Seriously, pop some popcorn before you read this:

One stormy night I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I’d heard something was up and wanted to see for myself. As I rounded the final turn my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses. Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined. Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling. My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press. Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, “Delgaudio what are you doing here?” Dozens of men began moving toward me. I’d been recognized. As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, “This time Delgaudio we can’t lose.” Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.

And remember folks, this isn’t a parody. I know it reads like something out of the Onion, but this guy is actually serious. And he’s making money off this kind of crazy bigotry.

36 comments

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  1. 1
    subbie

    You know, that’s funnier than most of the crap that passes for comedy on TV. If only he could use his powers for good instead of evil.

  2. 2
    Blondin

    “boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions”?

    I was hoping it would be body-snatcher pods or something. And instead of jumping in his car and retreating he should have one-handed cocked his shotgun and pulled his 357 out of his belt and exclaimed, “I’ve come here to kick ass and chew bubble gum… and I’m all outta bubble gum!”

    (I’ve seen this plot before)

  3. 3
    Mr Ed

    One stormy night …

    We’ve seen the right stretch the truth, cherry pick facts, lie and even make up alternate realities but this is the first conservative fan fiction that I’ve seen.

  4. 4
    Who Knows?

    You know, this whole fucking making an honest living thing is a bunch of crap. I bust my ass working 70-80 hours a week and don’t even come close to half that.

    WTF is wrong with me?

  5. 5
    captain_spleen

    Jack Chick tracts are no basis for a system of government.

  6. 6
    John Hinkle

    I’d been recognized…

    …by the fellas from my favorite gay bar.

  7. 7
    Chiroptera

    Hey, I like hard-boiled pulp fiction. This is almost good!

  8. 8
    grumpyoldfart

    I hope he doubles or trebles his income. His supporters deserve to lose.

  9. 9
    reasonbe

    Perhaps we should do a Kony-type video of Mr. Delgaudio?

  10. 10
    Abby Normal

    Delgaudio is Italian for Dick Tracy, right? This is some 1950’s detective story that got translated back and forth too many times, yes?

  11. 11
    Captain Mike

    @ Mr. Ed @3: Can it be that you’ve never heard of Liberality, the comic that stars Sean Hannity, Gordon Liddy and Oliver North as cyborg conservatives who fight the evil liberals who have seized control?

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104×5051671

  12. 12
    Mr Ed

    Come back next Friday for another exciting episode of Eugene Delgaudio’s I was a Lefty for God. Next week the evil Doctor Science tries to teach Heliocentric ideas to third graders, will Eugene be able to stop him in time.

  13. 13
    MikeMa

    How many times can you say, “The gays are coming”, and still get fools to send money? Delgaudio’s imaginative fleecing is at (dare I hope) the top of his game?

    How does this play with his constituents? Seems rather a steep bonus for almost no real work. All that pulp fiction probably cuts into the time he should be spending on whatever real work is supposed to be doing as well.

    Does he actually contribute to anti-gay causes? If not (take – fees = $0) then we can count him as a pro gay rights activist (he should get a glitter award!) by removing funds from circulation that might otherwise be spent more actively against gay rights.

  14. 14
    briancoughlan

    My God. Chortling!! I hadn’t realised things were this bad.

  15. 15
    Ace of Sevens

    I’ve seen him send out fundraising e-mails based on situations that were already resolved before the e-mail went out with no apparent help from PUA. Here’s an example. I’ve been wondering what the need all this money for. They don’t seem to actually do anything except send out alarmist e-mails every couple weeks and keep a clunky website with basically the same info. One guy could do it in his spare time, yet at the end of last year, they needed over $100,000 to avoid a budget shortfall that would let the radical homosexual lobby win. This answers a lot.

  16. 16
    Ellie

    Oh my. Well, from now on, when Delgaudio appears in my mailbox, I’ll have to read him. I see I’ve been missing a lot by clicking “delete.” But, shouldn’t that have been, “It was a dark and stormy night?”

  17. 17
    matty1

    He spends a lot of time thinking about what homosexuals are up to right? This is how his story reads to me.

    One stormy night I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I’d heard something was up and wanted to see for myself. As I rounded the final turn my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses. Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined. Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling. My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press. Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, “Delgaudio what are you doing here?” Dozens of men began moving toward me. I’d been recognized. As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, “This time Delgaudio we can’t lose.” Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.

  18. 18
    matty1

    Oh how did I miss the ‘dozens of men moving towards me’. Actually I may have seen this movie, I think the next scene is set in a communal shower.

  19. 19
    call me mark

    I wear my hair long and I have earrings. This means I’m gay now?

    I suppose I’ll have to let my wife know.

  20. 20
    Ace of Sevens

    Chicks love gay guys, so you’ll be fine.

  21. 21
    twincats

    Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling. My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press.

    Wow.

    Yeah, I suppose this sounds more ominous than some guy sitting at a computer updating email lists because I’ve never actually signed one of these petitions on paper myself.

    The only place here that I ever see folks with paper petitions is Wal-Mart and I hardly ever go there and even when I do, The petitions are very right-leaning or else for stopping some building or freeway on-ramp the NIMBYs don’t want.

  22. 22
    acroyear

    He and his Republican allies, prior to the last election, did a major gerrymandering scheme that eliminated not one, but *two* (the only two) Democratic-party held seats on the board in Loudoun (a formerly rural + the rich county with lots of horse country, but now much of it is more or less a DC suburb). In doing so, he suddenly became *my* representative on the board in spite of the fact that I didn’t move anywhere.

    They created a new single-party rule, the entire board is Republican. Needless to say, come the next election, I have every intention of taking to the streets and making a major campaign about his bigotry. No, it won’t convince the religious schmucks who voted for him, but it might actually increase turnout of all the moderates who didn’t come out to vote, the low turnout which the gerrymandering scheme relied on.

  23. 23
    DaveL

    Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling.

    How old is this e-mail? Who does paper petitions on a massive scale anymore?

    @17

    If you liked that, you’re going to love this one:

    If I fail to raise $46,359.17 by December 31st, I’ll be forced to broadcast our weakness and vulnerability to the Homosexual Lobby…

    …if they see Public Advocate’s treasury depleted they will see an opening to ram through the Gay Bill of Special Rights, the Homosexual Classrooms Act and the repeal of DOMA…

    No wonder they’ll be pouring over my finance report like demented hyenas cackling as they stalk their prey, ready to rip it to shreds…

  24. 24
    raven

    I don’t have a problem with fundie xians sending large sums of money to con-people and scammers.

    Money spent by scammers on high living, fine wines, expensive vacations, hummers, and large houses is money not spent trying to overthrow the US government and set up a theocracy.

    Scamming money from fundies must be easy, there are so many people making a luxurious living off of it.

    This Delguadio profiles a lot like a sociopath. Not uncommon among the fundie leaders.

  25. 25
    Area Man

    Yeah, I’m surprised that he didn’t managed to work “hard”, “sweaty”, or “thrusting” into that email. Although he gets major points for “bulging”.

    I’m reminded of that study that found that the more homophobic a person is, the more likely they are to be aroused by homoerotic imagery. If Delgaudio isn’t a self-loathing closet case, he at least knows how to play to that crowd.

  26. 26
    LightningRose

    It’s probably better that his poor, deluded, contributors are sending him money rather than to someone who will actually do something with it to harm GLBTs.

  27. 27
    tfkreference

    Bulging boxes or boxers?

  28. 28
    carolw

    raven @ 24,
    Is that hummers or Hummers they’re blowing that money on? :)

  29. 29
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Huh. Delgaudio could probably make big-ish bucks writing fiction. I guess he should quit his day job…

  30. 30
    eugenedelgaudio

    Thank you for the plugs. For the record, I do not know who is posting this and they have nothing to do with Public Advocate. I work hard fighting the homosexual agenda and they can’t keep up so they attack the messenger.

    This writer joins an army of pro-gay blogs and repeat postings that post old copy over and over and over again. Of course the twisted logic escapes most sane political commentary so its good that this is comedy central junior.

    People who contribute to me or any right of center cause will eventually get an email or letter from me. That’s called organizing. I learned from President Obama. Is that bad?

    Lets see if I have this down: you hate me because I have led a group since 1981 that sends out anti-gay rights letters and because I also have been elected and re-elected FOUR times since 1999. So you want me to surrender as president of a non-profit group thats been fighting you for 31 years because…. (pause here) And you want me to give up running and winning electons because (pause here)…… I have been successful in fighting you AND I have another job too.

    So you think normal people are jealous I have two jobs?

    Never in the history of modern or ancient political thought have so many “enlightened” commentators gotten together to protest absolutely nothing. By your logic, Public Advocate should immediately send out a letter protesting the Human Rights Campaign Fund to stop sending out emails promoting the gay cause.

    Oh. Wait.

    That would be just copying the Human Rights Campaign Fund protesting that Public Advocate is on THEIR internet.

    My bad.

    For you newbies:The first “negative” headline was 30 years ago: “Conservative Letter Uses Strong Words” in the Washington Post on June 3, 1982 (see reference)
    http://www.publicadvocateusa.org/news/article.php?article=7417

  31. 31
    Ace of Sevens

    So Eugene, does your non-profit actually do anything besides spin alarmist tales a couple times a week> You’re always implying you are fighting the homosexual lobby. Are you just fighting them by keeping people apprised of their activities or are you doing something?

  32. 32
    Ed Brayton

    *snicker* You’re funny, Eugene. I don’t hate you. I think you’re hilarious. I especially love your feverish fantasies of being attack by a warehouse full of gay truck drivers. You’re a stupid bigot, but an entertaining one.

  33. 33
    dan4

    “…anti-gay rights letters…”

    Wait a minute, you believe that only heterosexuals should have rights (the logical inverse of being “anti-gay rights”)? Wow, you ARE a bigot.

  34. 34
    MikeMa

    I wonder what got Delgaudio so riled up about homosexuality in the first place? Was he propositioned? Was he NOT propositioned?

    Eugene,
    When you have worked for 31 years against a cause that is in ascendency and one which history will judge as correct and just, what does that say for your efforts? Wasted life? Misspent time and money? Totally useless? A guardian of bigotry and hate? I think they will say…nothing. You will not even be remembered in a just, future world.

  35. 35
    valhar2000

    If this is the kind of fare I can expect, I am strongly tempted to support Mr. Delgaudio’s campaign. That story was absolutely hilarious! You simply can’t buy that kind of comedy.

    The thing about trembling with worry when he sees long-haired men wearing earings… Goddamn!

    Eugene, seriously, you gotta write a screenplay someday. It could very well become one of the funniest movies ever made.

  36. 36
    Ellie

    I decided to read Eugene Degaudio’s Spam of the Day today. It seems as though he needs $82,462.60 to pay Larry and other small businessmen in Virginia. He doesn’t explain who Larry is. But that’s only a part of the $132,945.23 he must raise in the next 25 days to pay past bills and keep programs going.

    This email of his comes to an anonymous email address I have and my name there is “Jane Doe.” However, I guess when you send out Spam, you don’t pay attention to little things like that. BTW, I used this address for only one thing. It was to receive email from The Daily Kos. Is this what they do with email addresses? Guess it’s time to get rid of it and start another one.

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