An Amusing Wingnut Fundraising Email


In the age of internet spam, sometimes you get funny things in your inbox. Some wingnut group I’d never heard of called Public Advocate somehow decided that PZ Myers has an @freethoughtblogs.com email address and they keep sending him — meaning me, since anything sent to an email address that doesn’t exist at that domain comes to me — hilarious fundraising emails. I’ll post the latest one below.

Dear PZ,

I’ve never had such a difficult decision…

I desperately need your advice.

You see, the homosexual onslaught is relentless.

They’ve been attacking on every front for months and your Public Advocate is worn to the bone.

PZ, I’m worn to the bone.

During the holidays, I could barely take time away to spend with my family.  Their attacks were so relentless.

And because I just barely reached my end-of-year fundraising goals, the radical Homosexual Lobby smells blood in the water.

Over the past month, they’ve launched a tidal wave attack to ram through their entire agenda — while I can barely fight back…

And now…

Now I’m forced to make a decision.

You see, the Homosexual Lobby is pushing three main planks in their campaign to reshape America:

1) The Homosexual Classrooms Act, requiring every school — even private and religious schools — to teach appalling homosexual acts.

This legislation would spin impressionable students in a whirlwind of sexual confusion and misinformation, even peer pressure to “experiment” with the homosexual “lifestyle;”

2) The Offense to Marriage Act, repealing the Defense of Marriage Act which has stood for over a decade against the Homosexual Lobby.

If passed, wedding gown-clad men smooching before some left-wing clergyman or state official is just the beginning.

You’ll see men hand-in-hand skipping down to adoption centers to “pick out” a little boy for themselves.

And religious adoption agencies? SHUT DOWN.

3) The Gay Bill of Special Rights, granting special job rights to homosexuals. Every homosexual fired or not hired becomes a potential federal civil rights lawsuit.

Radical homosexuals will terrorize day cares, hospitals and churches.

Traditional moral values will be shattered by federal decree.

My friend, all of these bills are grave threats to morality and the Family… I just don’t know which to fight.

That’s why your advice is so critical.

Which do you consider the biggest threat?

Please click here and complete the Membership Poll with your advice as soon as possible.

You see, without your advice, I don’t feel comfortable pulling resources from one fight to another.

But if enough members like you tell me that one or two of these bills represent the greatest threat to you personally, I can move forward knowing I’m doing the right thing.

Of course, fighting just one will cost precious resources.

In fact, if I’m to effectively defeat even one of these bills, I’m going to need an immediate influx of funds.

That’s why along with your advice, I desperately need you to contribute financially so that your Public Advocate is strong enough to defeat the Homosexual Lobby.

If the Homosexual Lobby succeeds in reshaping America in their image, the values you and I hold dear will be lost forever.

The ultimate goal of every radical Homosexual Activist is to create a new America where sexual promiscuity is the new norm, and traditional values are long forgotten.

You and I can’t let them succeed.

I’ve prepared a massive grassroots lobbying campaign to defeat these bills.

The plans are all there ready to go…

I just need you to click here and tell me which one!

But that still leaves all the costs…

Defeating just one of these bills will take tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars.

I’ve currently budgeted around $35,000 for each fight.

But that’s not nearly enough…

Are you a business owner who refuses to submit to the threat of lawsuits by defeating the Gay Bill of Special Rights?

Or are you a parent or grandparent who desperately wants to protect the innocence of the next generation by defeating the Homosexual Classrooms Act?

Or are you passionate about preserving the sanctity of REAL marriage by making sure the Offense of Marriage Act NEVER repeals the Defense of Marriage Act?

Will you help me raise what Public Advocate needs to win?

In order to make sure the Homosexual Classrooms Act NEVER becomes law, I’ve calculated that I need you and a majority of other pro-family Americans to contribute $50 right away.

But there’s also the Gay Bill of Special Rights and the Offense of Marriage Act… We have to fight those too!

If you’re like me, nothing short of fighting AND DEFEATING every single one of these bills will ever be enough!

But for you and I to win I need you to give more than ever.

I’ve calculated that winning every one of these battles will require you and other supporters to give $150, or even $200 each.

Can I count on you to give that today?

Please chip in your contribution, along with your Membership Poll with your advice on which battle is most important to you.

Whether your most generous contribution is $50, $100, or $150; give what you can to keep the Family strong.

Thank you, in advance.

Yours for the family,

Eugene Delgaudio
President, Public Advocate of the United States
P.S. I desperately need your advice.

You see, the Homosexual Lobby is pushing three main planks: the Gay Bill of Special Rights, the Offense of Marriage Act, and the Homosexual Classrooms Act.

Please complete your Membership Poll advising which of these bills you believe is the greatest threat; along with your contribution of $50 to ensure we can defeat it.

Or if you’re like me and you want to win every one of these fights, please send $150, or even $200 along with your advice right away!

I have an old friend who used to do direct mail fundraising for conservative causes in the 90s and later, after he’d gotten out of the business, he described to me some of the tricks of the trade, so to speak. His favorite was the ones that began, “It’s 3 AM. My family is all in bed but I can’t fall asleep because the threat of (fill in the blank) is keeping me awake…” For religious pitches, that last part would read “…because God has called me to contact you to combat (fill in the blank).”

There are a number of standard fundraising tactics at work here. First, scare the hell out of them — something horrible is happening or going to happen and you’re the only possible savior that can rescue them from it. Second, make them feel like they’re a part of the campaign, thus the phony “I need you to help me decide” theme. And for an audience of wingnuts, of course, you need lots of randomly capitalized words, some bolded and underlined to show them Just How Serious You Are.

Comments

  1. david says

    “They’ve been attacking on every front … ram through their entire agenda “

    I suggest a rear-guard action.

  2. Ellie says

    Ah….so that’s who Eugene Delgaudio is. “He” clogs one of my email addresses with Spam every day. I’ve never opened one, so I had no idea what was written. Now, I do.

  3. harold says

    This is either open fraud or some sort of James O’Keefe thing.

    None of the three “acts” exists.

  4. Ace of Sevens says

    This guy is great. I’ve been posting excerpts on Facebook for my friends to LOL at for months. Everything is a sign the well-heeled gay mafia is coming to crush the poor, struggling Christians and the only way to fight it is sending him money. At the end of last year, I got a whole series about how they had to make their fundraising goal because their finances were public and they didn’t want to be embarrassed in front of the homosexual lobby.

    The couple times he’s complained about real problems, they got resolved by the courts without the Public Advocate doing anything with the money people send them.

  5. Ace of Sevens says

    @Harold, this may sound like a historical Jesus argument, but the acts exist. He’s just misnaming them and misrepresenting their contents for maximum shock value. The “Gay Bill of Special Rights” is the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. The “Homosexual Classrooms Act” is the Student Non-Discrimination Act. The “Offense of Marriage Act” is the Respect for Marriage Act.

  6. hunter says

    His e-mails are a regular feature at Joe.My.God. and Box Turtle Bulletin. Interestingly enough, all he does is send out e-mails — and pay himself a nice salary. He’s also a member of the Virginia House of Delegates.

    And they all sound just like this one: The Radical Homosexual Agenda is out to get me! Send money!

  7. edmundog says

    Yeah, I get emails from this guy, too. I’m pretty sure he’s committing actual fraud. He’s given himself a title that makes himself sound official and is asking for money to help defeat completely fictional bills, which he has no ability to do anything about.

  8. says

    $35,000 for a “massive grassroots campaign”? You couldn’t fund a mediocre AstroTurf campaign in Montana for that kind of money. What are the odds that contributions will actually go to any sort of public outreach?

  9. Phillip IV says

    Some wingnut group I’d never heard of called Public Advocate

    It’s not even a group, it’s a single guy – and that’s his chosen title “The Public Advocate of the U.S.”. You know, because the U.S. public really doesn’t care about anything but opposing gay marriage, and has nobody to speak out for them in Washington save that lonely, heroic figure over there, standing on the Hill like the last beacon of righteousness, soon to be extinguished.

    He’s either completely deranged or a simple scammer, in any case he’s so far out there that even the more ‘respectable’ hategroups, like Focus on the Family, don’t want anything to do with him. I’m happy to hear he’s “barely reached” his fundraising goal in 2011 – he had to claim repeated physical attacks and even outright assassination attempts (with no trace in police records) to get there. I wonder what he’ll have to do to reach his 2012 fundraising goals. By the middle of the year, he’ll likely claim he’s been abducted into a gay re-education camp, and only your financial support can stop the 24/7 sodomy. With pictures attached, of course.

  10. slc1 says

    Re Hunter @ #6

    Actually, this clown is not a member of the Virginia legislature but is a member of the Loudoun Co. Board of Supervisors.

  11. DaveL says

    The Onion should do one of their point/counterpoint pieces with Eugene Delgaudio on one side with “I’m So Worn Out By This Homosexual Onslaught”, and a workaholic gay porn star on the other with “I’m So Worn Out By This Homosexual Onslaught.”

  12. MikeMa says

    I, and many others, got email from this clown after attending to a poll at PZ’s behest some weeks ago. Against my better sense, I responded to the email and called him some very unflattering names and hinted at some sort of legal action for fraud. I fully expected a deluge of similar spam but I got nothing. So far.

  13. harold says

    Ace of Sevens –

    He’s just misnaming them and misrepresenting their contents for maximum shock value.

    We seem to have a subjective disagreement.

    What we are dealing with here is a political fund-raising letter.

    In order to provoke recipients into sending money, the sender “misnames” and “misrepresents” existing legislation. This much we seem to agree on.

    To my eye, he does so in such a distorting manner, that it appears to be a deliberate effort to confuse at least some recipients of the letter, causing them to make donations that they would not have made, if they had not been misinformed.

    Of course, this tactic, and the inevitable “I was only joking” defense, are common. The point at which it becomes reasonable to assume that some recipients of the message are being deceived rather than “in on the joke” is hard to discern.

    It is my subjective impression that this example passes that point.

  14. Doubting Thomas says

    Oh, so you can write Poe stuff like this, spam it out and people will actually send you money? Coool! I bet you can even just copy his stuff and save having to make all that crap up yourself. I wonder how much you can make for doing absolutely nothing? 1% here I come.

  15. D. C. Sessions says

    I’m jealous.

    Seriously — I have a honking ginormous collection of spam (I own my mail domain and have been collecting it for about ten years — disk space is cheap.) And there is nothing of his in there.

    Life is so not fair.

  16. Michael Heath says

    I’m surprised we’re@ comment post 18 and no one’s pointed out how this email is such a perfect example of a Poe. This guy’s just plain hilarious, as if he’s being intentionally funny rather than sincerely opposed to gays. He sure answers Voltaire’s prayer, in a way that’s entertaining for nearly all.

  17. says

    This reminds me of the scare tactics about the Equal Rights Amendment–remember that one: “Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.” Of course, the opponents claimed that it mandated co-ed washrooms for all and would destroy Amurka.

  18. dingojack says

    D. C. Sessions – what do plan to with this collection? Donate them to the Library of Congress for their ‘SPAM: A history of viral emails 2000-2010′ online exhibit?
    Curiously, Dingo.

  19. Blueaussi says

    Interestingly, WOT says his website has a bad reputation based on the personal information requested.

  20. flakko says

    I get these emails, too. I think it’s from an AFA poll crashed by PZ in which you had to give your email address. Always the same hyper-paranoid bullshit.

    I also get emails from the AFA, including this amazingly ironic one yesterday entitled “Home Depot forces agenda on employees”.

    http://action.afa.net/email/online.aspx?cid=1704&mid=21151286&tid=aa&utm_source=smAFA&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=1704

    Umm, excuse me AFA, but where exactly do you stand on the “right” of employers to pick and choose health care coverage like contraception for their employees based on a religious agenda?

  21. Who Knows? says

    I’ve been getting stuff from Eugene for quite a long time now. The emails are always the same. Poor guy’s working himself to the bone against the homosexual onslaught.

    I wonder where he lives? A homosexual onslaught sounds kind of fun, I might want to get in on that.

  22. D. C. Sessions says

    D. C. Sessions – what do plan to with this collection?

    I run searches and statistics on it from time to time, and it’s great for training filters.

    Other than that, if someone wants it for research they’re welcome to a copy.

  23. matty1 says

    Have you seen his website, it’s hilarious.

    Sample headlines

    “American Hero, Tennessee Senator Stacey Campfield Behind “Freedom From Homosexualism” Bill, Ambushed In Restaurant by Rude Homosexualist”

    and

    “America Salutes Angry Dad As He Legally Kicks San Fran Liberal Freaks In Teeth After They Charge Six Year Old With Sex Assault”

    Then there’s the Family Advocate Award given to – Marcus “Narnia” Bachman

  24. Ace of Sevens says

    @30: the one about the six-year-old being charged with sexual assault is a good example of a real problem. I would have blamed feminazis instead of the homosexual agenda if I were fear-mongering, but Delgaudio seems to be stuck on a single issue. The important thing to keep in mind about that one is that by the time the e-mail went out decrying the homosexual agenda being forced on our children and asking for money to fight it, the issue was already resolved. The by’s father pointed out that six-year-olds can’t be charged with crimes, so it hardly seems fair to put what sounds like a crime on their permanent record and the school agreed. This happened without any money or input from the Public Advocate, but Delgaudio saw no need to mention this in the e-mail.

  25. Who Knows? says

    I would have blamed feminazis instead of the homosexual agenda if I were fear-mongering, but Delgaudio seems to be stuck on a single issue.

    Feminazis? I’m left wondering if you believe there is such a thing, or just making a point.

  26. redmann says

    He asked me for advice so I gave him some:
    “Eugene, I’ve already given you my advice, drop your entire misbegotten campaign against homosexuals. You are100% wrong in everything you say about them. You are not supporting traditional values of love and respect, you are promoting hatred and bigotry and you are acting out of ignorance.”
    I’m not sure how I ended up on his list, but I get them all of the time. I once sent insulting messages to FRC and AFA and they responded with “Thanks for your support. Send money”. Now I get regular mouth breathing ALERTS from them too.

  27. dan4 says

    “Every Christian fired or not hired becomes a potential federal civil rights lawsuit” (applying, Delgaudio’s same, ahem, “logic” to the fact that “religion” is already included as a protected status in federal employment anti-discrimination law).

  28. drizzt says

    I was hoping this was a Poe, somehow copying WND articles, even to the detail of making almost always single sentenced paragraphs. This guy’s for real omfg /facepalm…

  29. Pinky says

    I wish I were an artist so I could draw the comic Mr. Delgaudio has inspired in me. I picture a skinny bedraggled and exhausted man with a head two sizes too big for his body with Michele  Bachmann eyes.  He is wearing a one piece union suit dyed red with the letters: PA embroidered on it.  He has a red cape of course.

    The narration:

    By day a brash minor politician protecting the Sterling District from dangerous progressive ideas that would slacken the grip conservatives have on the district.  By night he imbibes the secret elixir he keeps in a Jack Daniels bottle and changes into ♪♫ Public Advocate Man! ♫♪. Using the Laptop of Public Advocacy!™ he emails his sorrowful messages of societal degradation into the dark night hoping his minions will donate enough so he can buy more elixir to prepare him to type more emails begging for funds late into the night.

    ♪♫ Public Advocate Man’s! ♫♪. first adventure will feature the evil villain Reality Man. Marvel as PA Man,or PAM as his BFFs call him, finds the only viable way to combat Reality Man – by drinking more elixir!

  30. says

    He asked me for advice so I gave him some:
    “Eugene, I’ve already given you my advice, drop your entire misbegotten campaign against homosexuals. You are100% wrong in everything you say about them. You are not supporting traditional values of love and respect, you are promoting hatred and bigotry and you are acting out of ignorance.”

    That will so totally shut him up. He has been told.

  31. dingojack says

    Who Knows? (#27) – “A homosexual onslaught sounds kind of fun, I might want to get in on that”.

    First you’d have to get the homosexual agenda from the kiosk, located just inside the doors of the homosexual lobby

    :) Dingo

  32. dingojack says

    Michael H –
    Yes, because Satan would be so likely to solemnly memorialise Jesus’s death by the self-deprivation of access to a shambling has-been.
    @@ Maroons.
    Dingo

  33. ambulocetacean says

    Michael Heath, I’m glad you like it I think it’s priceless. It ain’t the most subtle of parody sites but soooo many people get sucked in to arguing with the regular poes.

    I’m sure Dingo wouldn’t be fooled for long, though…

  34. chilidog99 says

    Reading that, it strikes me that it is specifically targeted to deeply repressed gay men in self denial. Men who, like Eduardo, are nothing but a BIG BONE after fighting the evil homos who want to corrupt them.

  35. matty1 says

    @30, OK assuming the story is true* it was stupid and offensive behaviour on the part of the teacher. Even then I’d want a bit more to conclude it was policy even at that one school let alone part of an overarching agenda.

    *using a single source who asks to remain anonymous is not a good sign though I can see why the father would want to.

  36. matty1 says

    As for his language you have to understand.

    The homosexualists caught good Christians with their pants down and rammed it down their throats before the Christians had to bend over and take it. Don’t worry though because matters will come to a climax soon as Santorum sweeps the nation and the bad guys will be blown away.

  37. jnorris says

    It seems Eugene Delgaudio claims to know everything about the Homosexual Lobby except their URL so we can fact check him.

  38. says

    “Picking out a little boy for themselves”?

    From Roy Zimmerman:

    Every time we think about same-sex parents,
    Oh, my gosh, we exclaim! I mean two people who want
    To provide a protective and nurturing family environment,
    Have they no shame?? So deviant!
    It’s the Lord’s holy word, as my second wife said to my third,
    That a family is based on obligation and fear.
    We’re defenders of marriage, connubial narks
    Ever vigilant patriotic patriarchs—
    Defenders of marriage, defending the institution
    Against people who want to get married.

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