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Feb 18 2012

Patriots for Self-Deportation

A group calling itself Patriots for Self-Deportation is lampooning Mitt Romney’s advocacy of that idea, but I bet a lot of people won’t recognize that their site is a clever satire. Poe’s Law may be in operation when reading stuff like this:

A growing force within the Tea Party and beyond, Patriots for Self-Deportation believe that securing our borders is not enough. We must make sure that all residents and “citizens” have a true right to be in this great land. We believe our current laws must be changed to abolish anchor babies, whose children, throughout history, should have never received automatic citizenship to this nation. If the Federal government will not take action NOW, then it is up to us, WE THE PEOPLE, to put an end to the invasion and internal decay that threatens to destroy the fabric of the USA. If you entered illegally or stayed illegally, you are a CRIMINAL. We demand a purge for The Real America.
We hold FOUR CORE VALUES:
1) America belongs to REAL Americans.
2) Illegals and their anchor babies are here ILLEGALLY.
3) US citizenship is for those who can show PROOF their original ancestors were here legally.
4) All illegals and descendants of illegals are here ILLEGALLY and must be DEPORTED at once.
If you can’t prove you belong here, you must REPATRIATE.

Many of us have learned that we gained citizenship due to a criminal ancestor.
If this is true for you too, do what’s right: Self-Deport!
Until the 14th Amendment is changed, stopping illegal citizenship begins with US!

I’ll have to ask my father, who has voluminous files on our family’s geneology, whether the ancestor who come to the United States, from whom every Brayton in the country is descended, came here legally or not. We may have to leave.

31 comments

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  1. 1
    VeritasKnight

    Am I ever glad this isn’t in Canada! My great-great grandfather fled a massive debt in the UK, so I’d hate to have to return. With a hundred+ years of interest, that could be *hundreds* of pounds!

  2. 2
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Is their slogan : “For the love of Gawd GO!” by any chance? ;-)

  3. 3
    scotlyn

    My ancestor William Sabin, most certainly failed to get a visa before arriving from Britain on the soil of what is now Rhode Island, in 1640. Nor did he apply for permission from the resident authorities at any subsequent time. In fact, I believe he remained in Rhode Island, totally undocumented, for the rest of his life, as did several generations of descendents after him. Fortunately, I did the patriotic thing 30 years ago, and deported myself back to Europe where he came from. I’m delighted to realise, in hindsight, how patriotic that decision was!

  4. 4
    blindrobin

    Time for me to go I guess. Both sides of my fathers people moved into Michigan from Ontario back in the 1880′s. Please. Please. Please allow me to deport myself to Canada.

  5. 5
    Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    Every person who lives in the U.S. has “original ancestors” that came from elsewhere. It’s going to be a great big empty nation if we all self-deport (which isn’t necessarily an argument against).

  6. 6
    frankb

    I am descended from Governor Bradford. When he came over the natives didn’t have immigration laws, and there were no other governments. So I guess he and the other people on the Mayflower were legal. Ha, so there. All you others, GO HOME, and take me with you.

  7. 7
    Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    When he came over the natives didn’t have immigration laws

    Which looks in retrospect like a serious oversight.

  8. 8
    pelamun, the Linguist of Doom

    Rachel Maddow had a segment on a group of Latinos for Self-Deportation once, I think one guy was behind it who had been doing that spoof since the 90s.

  9. 9
    anat

    Ed, finding one ancestor from one lineage entered legally isn’t enough. How did the wife of The Original Brayton (or an ancestor of hers) enter the country? What about the daughters-in-law of TOB? etc. Some (or all) of you may have to leave even if TOB entered legally. ;)

  10. 10
    Kaessa

    The only ancestor I have immigration records for came over back in the 1700′s as an indentured servant. Would that count as legal?

  11. 11
    jakc

    Kaessa, a real conservative isn’t going to mess with proprty rights or the right to contract, so yes,anyone whose ancestors were slaves or indentured servants is here legally, even if their owner or master was not

  12. 12
    bones

    My great great grandmother came here from Canada; therefore 1/16 of me must be deported

  13. 13
    Freeman

    The 1/8th Cherokee in me says:
    Hey, you, get off my lawn!

  14. 14
    Member X

    One of my ancestors emigrated to America as a stowaway. I guess I should pack my things and buy a one way plane ticket to Germany.

  15. 15
    Artor

    @jakc #11
    Are you arguing that conservatives practice logical consistency? Or are you distinguishing modern conservatives, circa 2012 from the “real” conservatives of the 70′s or 80′s?

  16. 16
    reasonbeing

    If Santorum wins the nomination and then the election, I might just take them up on that.

  17. 17
    Chris from Europe

    I would want to see proof in each case that the Natives actually welcomed the ancestors, not just tolerated them. If the proof can’t be delivered in sufficient time, the country has to be handed over to the remaining Native Americans and the rest could either rent back “their” “property” or should leave.

  18. 18
    Reginald Selkirk

    A group calling itself Patriots for Self-Deportation…

    If they’ve all deported themselves, then who is left to run the web site?

  19. 19
    Reginald Selkirk

    Kaessa #10: The only ancestor I have immigration records for came over back in the 1700′s as an indentured servant.

    You need to deport your dentures.

  20. 20
    Scott Hanley

    It’s hard for me to think of the illegal immigration debate without recalling the t-shirts I see being sold at Indian powwows: “Department of Homeland Security, since 1492.”

  21. 21
    Randomfactor

    Hey, it was good enough for Mitt’s granddaddy, right?

  22. 22
    tubi

    #17

    I would want to see proof in each case that the Natives actually welcomed the ancestors, not just tolerated them.

    I am descended from Colonel John West, who was born in Virginia in 1632, the first child born on the York River to English parents. His father was Governor of the Virginia Colony. John West had an English/American wife with whom he had 5 children. But he eventually separated from her (there’s no record of an actual divorce) and took up with a Pamunkey queen named Cockacoeske, with whom he had at least one child, also named John West.

    So I would say that in at least one instance, one of my ancestors was more than tolerated by the locals.

  23. 23
    magistramarla

    My maternal grandfather was a Cherokee Indian, whose parents had been a part of the Trail of Tears. I guess that makes me eligible to be one of those who can say “Hell yes, get out of my country”.

  24. 24
    coryat

    Wow, the UK needs to work on its immigration laws if a load of colonials are going to return with their Hummers and their sunglasses and their tendency to call football soccer. What if we let the wrong ones in? We colonised Australia. Ken Ham’s ancestors are Australian. What if he wants to come home? Oh God…

  25. 25
    Childermass

    My great great grandmother came here from Canada; therefore 1/16 of me must be deported

    A True Patriot™ will insist that the top 1/16 of yourself be deported. After all we would not want any Americans with brains.

  26. 26
    dingojack

    Coryat – yes but you also got Jonathan Coleman, Geoffrey Robinson (and his wife), various Minogues and Daddos, Rolf Harris and a shit load of bar staff, what are you complaining about? :)

    None of these ‘cafeteria deporters’, can anyone show documentation for the migrants (or their descendants) of ca. 75,000 years ago?

    Ethiopia is going to get crowded, deport yourself now and avoid the rush!

    :) Dingo

  27. 27
    Rip Steakface

    Even if you’re American Indian, you have to self-deport – the hypothesis I typically see for the migration path of humans into the Americas is through Asia and over a land bridge where the Bering Strait is right now. In other words, American Indians are all Asians and need to GIT BACK TO DER OWN COUNTREH.

  28. 28
    llewelly

    The East African Rift Valley could become a very crowded place.

  29. 29
    lordshipmayhem

    The native Americans didn’t get any immigration papers when they first arrived. Back to Siberia!!

    You know, this game can go on and on and on, until there’s nobody living in the United States at all.

  30. 30
    llewelly

    Off topic, but if anyone is still interested in the birthers, Phoenix sheriff Joe Arpaio is drumming up attention for his “shocking” March 1 news release about his investigation:

    http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/valleyfever/2012/02/joe_arpaio_obama_birth_certificate.php

  31. 31
    jakc

    Arturo. The great thing for conservatives is that in refusing to learn about history and such, you’ll never know if you’re contradicting yourself.

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