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Feb 13 2012

Fischer: Ellen, JC Penneys Responsible for … Everything

Here’s Bryan Fischer’s latest bit of bigoted insanity. On his blog on Wednesday, Fischer blamed Ellen and JC Penneys for STDs, breast cancer and lesbian suicides. His “logic” is bizarre, as always.

Will America’s young women be just a bit more likely to experiment with lesbianism now that JCPenney is mainstreaming it? Too (sic) any objective observer, the answer must be yes. Is this a good thing? To any objective observer, the answer must be no.

Research has indicated that lesbians suffer from increased levels of depression, suicidal ideation, substance abuse, breast cancer and vaginal diseases compared to heterosexual women.

Thus what JCPenney has done, by increasing, even if ever so slightly, the chances that young women will experiment with this behavior will turn out to be a tragic thing for some. JCPenney will have to share some culpability for that. This once proudly pro-family company will have done its part to define deviancy down.

Lesbianism causes breast cancer? Seriously?

38 comments

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  1. 1
    Moggie

    Citation Really Fucking Needed.

  2. 2
    holytape

    Why do I have this feeling that whenever, Bryan Fischer says “vaginal diseases” he’s actually saying that having a vagina is a disease?

  3. 3
    anandine

    One thing lesbianism does cause is disrespect for Bryan Fischer. Intelligence causes it, too. In fact, everything liberal causes it.

  4. 4
    matty1

    @3 I disagree, there is only one thing that causes disrespect for Bryan Fisher – Bryan Fisher.

    All other correlations are spurious since he makes himself unworthy of respect.

  5. 5
    Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    Will America’s young women be just a bit more likely to experiment with lesbianism now that JCPenney is mainstreaming it?

    Who knew that associating Ellen DeGeneres’s lesbianism with J. C. Penney would give it a coolness it previously lacked?

  6. 6
    valhar2000

    I’d always heard that lesbians have the lowest incidence of STDs of most groups of people. Is this not correct?

  7. 7
    Chiroptera

    Will America’s young women be just a bit more likely to experiment with lesbianism now that JCPenney is mainstreaming it?

    Experimenting of one’s own free will is bad?

    So Fischer wants to ram his heterosexuality down our throats!

  8. 8
    Reginald Selkirk

    Rick Santorum was right. Gay marriage has completely destroyed the institution of marriage.

    Valentine’s Day ‘wedding’ for ram and deer at China zoo

    But Changmao has not been exactly faithful to Chunzi. He fathered a baby lamb with the zoo’s only female sheep.

  9. 9
    troll

    Fischer doesn’t really get what the word “objective” means, does he?

  10. 10
    Ingdigo Jump

    Ah yes JC Penny. The epitome of cool

  11. 11
    Kevin

    I don’t have the data at my fingertips, but I believe that nulliparous women are at a higher risk of breast cancer than those who have undergone a pregnancy — not necessarily brought to term. Nuns have a higher risk than your mom.

    Whether or not this is “real” or a statistical anomaly is something I can’t address without more research. I just know that it’s been reported.

    Of course, that says nothing about lesbians — since the ability of women to conceive and bear children these days is not dependent on a sexual orientation (and never was).

    My guess: he’s never seen “The Kids Are All Right”.

  12. 12
    Uncle Glenny

    Valhar2000: I believe you are correct. I also think that he may be correct about the increased risk of breast cancer, but somehow I don’t think JCPenney advertising is of any consequence.

  13. 13
    gshelley

    Vaginal diseases?
    Really?
    Where does he think they are getting them from?
    I’m not sure I want to know what sort of sex fantasies he has about lesbians that makes them more likely to pick up STIs

  14. 14
    justawriter

    Lesbianism causes breast cancer? Seriously?

    In other news, Lesbianism is completely effective at preventing prostate cancer.

  15. 15
    RickR

    In other news, Lesbianism is completely effective at preventing prostate cancer.

    And depending on who you talk to, it seems to have a positive effect on erectile dysfunction.

  16. 16
    Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    In other news, Lesbianism is completely effective at preventing prostate cancer.

    I’ll have to try that.

  17. 17
    d cwilson

    Experimenting of one’s own free will is bad?

    Well of course. If gawd had meant women to have their own free will, he’d have made them men.

  18. 18
    Uncle Glenny

    I’d like to add to my previous comment that the issue I remember about lesbians and breast cancer (and this goes back 15-20 years) may have been related to access to medical care, not necessarily an innate difference.

    Dredging up old memories takes time.

  19. 19
    laurentweppe

    Lesbianism causes breast cancer?

    Lesbianism also causes priapism and internet addiction.
    More worrying, it has been scientifically demonstrated that too much exposure to lesbianism tend to increase people’s empathy toward Gays and acceptance of their Gay Lifestyle.

  20. 20
    MikeMa

    @1,
    Fischer’s citations are all: The Bible. And his ass.

  21. 21
    Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    Now that JC Penny is endorsed by Ellen, how do I get to try some of this homosexuality? Is there some sort of website I should sign up on, or a form I need to fill out? Should I just go right ahead and dissolve my happy heterosexual marriage right now?

  22. 22
    jnorris

    Now that JC Penny is completely homosexual, where will Christians buy new clothes for their vacations at Disney Land/World?

  23. 23
    The Lorax

    Research has indicated that lesbians suffer from increased levels of depression, suicidal ideation, substance abuse…

    Yes, because people like you drive them to do it.

    This is like the KKK saying, “Research shows that black people get lynched more often than white people” or Hitler saying, “Research shows that Jews get gassed more often than Christians.” He is the cause of the statistic he is reporting. I think we need to invent a better word than “hypocrisy.”

  24. 24
    patrickashton

    Lesbianism causes breast cancer? Seriously?

    To be fair, he never said it caused breast cancer, just that they suffer from it more than heterosexual women, which current research bears out. Correlation is not causation though, and unless they find some cancer killing properties in semen, it is unlikely that JCPenney’s use of Ellen as a spokesperson will affect any individual’s chance of getting breast cancer.

  25. 25
    savagemutt

    Phew! I think I got one of the last pairs of pre-lesbian Dockers. I may try to sell them on that Ebay thing all the kids are talking about.

  26. 26
    marcus

    Is Bryan Fischer a fucking idiot? “Too (sic) any objective observer, the answer must be yes.”
    Zinc Avenger @21 “Should I just go right ahead and dissolve my happy heterosexual marriage right now?” Yes, I’m afraid so. Not only should you, now that “ghey marriage” is the law of the land (what, you haven’t heard?) I think that it’s legally required. The good news is: Since polygamy is next on the librul agenda xe’ll be able to marry you and your new boy/girl friend soon.

  27. 27
    kermit.

    troll: Fischer doesn’t really get what the word “objective” means, does he?

    Sure he does –

    objective, adjective
    1. Increases truthiness of a tribal marker belief. (“Not only is there no evidence for evolution, but there is no objective evidence for evolution.”) See also literally

    2. Implied claim that there is a “real” world external to the revelations of the Bible. (“You may think you have heard God talk to you, but there is no objective evidence to support that claim.”)See also verified, supported

  28. 28
    jeevmon

    Am I missing some ad where Ellen is making out with her wife? Because the ads I’m seeing don’t really mention or allude to Ellen’s sexual orientation in any way shape or form.

    But I gather that Ellen’s lesbian-mojo is so potent, it can be transmitted even when you hear her voice coming from a cartoon fish.

  29. 29
    Chiroptera

    And I’ve said this before,

    I will bet a small sum of money that most of the regular JC Penney’s shoppers who are offended by this ad compaign…

    …will continue to be regular shoppers at Penney’s.

    But I can be wrong; it shouldn’t be hard for the both of them to come together and coordinate their boycott.

  30. 30
    Nemo

    Mr. Fischer, the only reason lesbians get more depressed is that assholes like you beat up on them all the time. Do you really not get that?

  31. 31
    D. C. Sessions

    Lesbianism causes breast cancer? Seriously?

    I’ll give it a try:

    1) Lesbians have lower rates of motherhood than heterosexual women.
    2) Breastfeeding babies has a (small) protective effect against breast cancer.
    3) Therefore, lesbians have higher rates of breast cancer.

    Now pardon me while I go hammer my fingers for writing that.

  32. 32
    Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    @ D. C. Sessions, #31:

    Burn your keyboard.

    It’s the only way to be sure.

  33. 33
    Aquaria

    Thus what JCPenney has done, by increasing, even if ever so slightly, the chances that young women will experiment with this behavior will turn out to be a tragic thing for some.

    Huh?

    How slightly, Bryan?

    Funny, when I go shopping, I don’t give a shit what a spokesperson says about this or that store or product. I go to buy something that will look good on me, at a fair price.

    I dunno… I think that’s how most women do it.

    In other news, Lesbianism is completely effective at preventing prostate cancer.

    It also reduces your chances of contracting HIV/AIDS. Quite dramatically.

  34. 34
    joshuaz

    I actually would suspect that lesbians will have a higher level of reported breast cancer. Out-of-the-closet lesbians are more likely to have a good understanding of their reproductive health and associated matters and thus are more likely to get diagnosed earlier. This applies also to the a variety of other diseases.

  35. 35
    exdrone

    Will America’s young women be just a bit more likely to experiment with lesbianism now that JCPenney is mainstreaming it?

    At JCPenney’s? Where? In the changerooms? Mattress section? Lingerie department? … Sorry, my sex-addled mind was “[doing] its part to define deviancy down.” (Whatever that means.)

  36. 36
    exdrone

    Allow me to correct myself @36, I didn’t realize that “defining deviancy down” was actually a Sen. Patrick Moynihan quote. Who knew?

  37. 37
    dingojack

    You know what? I’ve never won several million in the lottery!*
    Curse you Ellen and your radiating contagious magical lesbianism!

    Dingo
    —–
    * of course I’ve never bought a ticket either…

  38. 38
    Who Knows?

    Will America’s young women be just a bit more likely to experiment with lesbianism now that JCPenney is mainstreaming it? Too (sic) any objective observer, the answer must be yes. Is this a good thing? To any objective observer, the answer must be no.

    Is this a good thing? To any objective and intelligent observer, YES. The world would be better off with more lesbians.

  1. 39
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