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February 8, 2012 at 12:05 pm 
Ed Brayton Chuck Norris has endorsed Newt Gingrich for president and he’s busy writing furiously to convince people to vote for him. I’m sure it’ll come as a shock to hear that he’s making really dumb, disingenuous arguments in the process, as he does in his latest Worldnutdaily column. But first, he has to remind you once again that he knows how to kick people in the face:
As a six-time undefeated middleweight world karate champion, I have a pretty good idea what makes a warrior. And there’s presently one particular presidential candidate in the political ring who wears those gloves better than the others. Even when he’s knocked down, he has astounding agility and rebound.
Because obviously, knowing how to do a roundhouse kick means you should listen to him on something other than how to do a roundhouse kick.
It’s one thing to enter a ring with a single opponent, but what if you had to enter with three: one candidate with unlimited reservoirs of wealth and two titans of political swing to back him? That is exactly what former Speaker Newt Gingrich is facing right now.
People see Newt’s primary opponent as Gov. Mitt Romney, but I don’t. I think Newt’s first adversary is Mitt and his cronies’ staggering wealth.
Last week, the Washington Post exposed that there are 41 mega-rich individuals who bankroll Romney’s campaign and his purchase of the seat in the Oval Office: “a dozen of the donors have contributed $1 million or more … including executives at Bain Capital, his former firm; bankers at Goldman Sachs; and a hedge fund mogul who made billions betting on the housing crash.”
And Newt is being backed by the third richest man in America, who has spent $10 million and counting on his behalf. And that man made his money on sinful gambling. But that’s totally different, for special, lucky, magic reasons.
Posted in 
It’s been my observation that the candidates who’ve demonstrated the most resiliency, class, and the least relative dependency on a few plutocrats is Ron and Paul and Barack Obama. Somehow I doubt Mr. Norris would apply his standards to Mr. Obama.
That is exactly what former Speaker Newt Gingrich is facing right now.
I still find it odd that we use people’s highest historic job title as an honorific. Newt is called “speaker” because of the job he was thrown out of. Mitt is called governor because of a job he couldn’t get reelected to. Does that mean Duke Cunningham should be called “the honorable” or “Congressman Cunningham? That would be too much.
I couldn’t even get past the first sentence, Ed. Chuck Norris can write? Who knew?
Now I’ll go back and read the rest.
I see Hal Lindsey is still “working” for WND. Like most Christians who claim a direct line to Absolute Truth, these wankers never learn squat from experience.
Third richest man in America? Who, Larry Ellison? Gambling? Huh what?
Heh. Hal Lindsey. I remember as a kid seeing the TV commercials peddling his book about how the world was going to end by the mid-80s. How’d that work out again?
Re Twalha @ #6
Mr. Brayton is laboring under the mistaken notion that Sheldon Adelson, who is into casinos, is the third richest man in the US. Of course, it’s Larry Ellison, the CEO of Oracle and noted competitive yachtsman.
Well, when you’re carrying an extra 70 pounds, you’re going to rebound off just about everything, except the ground, which apparently is where Newt is headed.
With Norris’ endorsements, Newt at least has the Mars Hill Church Cult vote locked up.
He hit the ground already, but rebounded from it, almost as if… as if he were bouncing on a trampouline. He bounced right up with his head embedded in his ass.
What? Norris doesn’t like the idea of a few rich guys choosing the next president? That’s unregulated capitalism, baby! I thought rich guys doing whatever they want with their money was his favorite.
“As a six-time undefeated middleweight world karate champion, I have a pretty good idea what makes a warrior.”
Oh FFS. No jackass, you don’t. Sparing with people in an athletic competition that has strict rules to keep people from getting hurt is nothing like actual warfare, where people actually kill each other.
But don’t worry, according to internet lore, you’re still the manliest man around.
It’s a good thing Gingrich isn’t being bankrolled almost single-handedly by some super-rich dude. Like, for example, a billionaire casino magnate. That would surely taint his candidacy, would it not?
Chuck makes Newt sound like one of those inflatable clown punching bags we had as kids.
A more authentic endorsement would have started:
There is no chin under Chuck Norris’s beard, only another fist. The beard is actually the hair on his palm from wanking out these dumbshit columns he “writes.”
Numbchuck Norris’s political bloviating is the REAL reason that Bruce Lee had to die in that “accident”.
What this country needs is for a radical feminatheistislamopagan with some serious dojomojo to kick Upchuck’s ass.
Dear Michael Heath:
I am almost always in agreement with you but this:
“It’s been my observation that the candidates who’ve demonstrated the most resiliency, class, and the least relative dependency on a few plutocrats is Ron and Paul and Barack Obama.”
is, imnaaho, is wrong.
President Obama is dependent on a large number of pseudopluto’s and Ron Paul only WISHES that there were some self-identified Skinheadzillionaires who would pump up the warchest.;)
@17: “…Norris’s political bloviating is the REAL reason that Bruce Lee had to die in that “accident”.
Huh? Bruce Lee was murdered because Chuck Norris likes to bloviate about politics?