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The Humility of Newt Gingrich

It has long been joked that the shortest books in the world are The Great Chefs of Ireland and Italian War Heroes, but The Humility of Newt Gingrich would surely be shorter. The Romney campaign has put out an amusing list of some of Newt’s more grandiose pronouncements about himself.

Newt, you see, is a “transformational figure” and a “revolutionary” in the process of “shift[ing] the entire planet.” He started “talking about saving civilization” in 1958. And he’s compared himself to, among others, Ronald Reagan, Margaret Thatcher, Abraham Lincoln, Woodrow Wilson, Henry Clay, Charles De Gaulle, Pericles, Thomas Edison and Moses.

The whole thing is really quite funny to read. If he gets elected, they would have to build a new wing at the White House to hold his ego. He’s a poster boy for narcissism.

Comments

  1. Ramel says

    It has long been joked that the shortest books in the world are The Great Chefs of Ireland and Italian War Heroes, but The Humility of Newt Gingrich would surely be shorter

    Unless it was written by the Newt himself…

  2. Phillip IV says

    Well, he can appear humble when it suits him, for example when he said to James Dobson:

    There are times that I have fallen short of my own standards. There’s certainly times when I’ve fallen short of God’s standards.

    That’s crazy humble, isn’t it? I mean, in reality there were actually only two such times in his life: The 20th century, and the 21st.

  3. Mr Ed says

    “I Have An Enormous Personal Ambition. I Want To Shift The Entire Planet. And I’m Doing It. … I Represent Real Power.”

    newt is either a comic book villain or a politician willing to do something about global warming.

  4. matty1 says

    Newt Gingrich was apparently born in 1943*, which means he started talking about saving civilization at 15. Why did’t his parents or teachers talk him out of this?

    *Although he claims to have been present for creation since God needed someone smarter to talk him through it.

  5. Artor says

    Little known fact; Newticle’s ghastly pompadour is actually pretty thin. It’s his swollen head that makes his hair look so big.

  6. Didaktylos says

    I dunno – I think “The Humility of Newt Gingrich” has the potential to be the most verbose work of fiction of all time …

  7. Stevarious says

    Humility? Of course! Obviously he doesn’t suffer from any undue pride… that would be a flaw!

  8. Michael Heath says

    Imrryr, a regular commenter in Ed’s blog had a winner about Newt several months ago. Riffing off of Newt Gingrich’s dishonest and insincere “repentence” for being a serial adulterer and abandoner of spouses when they most needed their significant other, Imrryr states:

    For Newt so loved America that he gave his one and only wife, and his second one, that whosoever believeth in him should not have same-sex marriage, but have everlasting tax cuts for the rich. Amen.

  9. lordshipmayhem says

    There are times that I have fallen short of my own standards. There’s certainly times when I’ve fallen short of God’s standards.

    Now to fall short of an imaginary being’s standards, that’s one Epic Fail.

  10. JoeKaistoe says

    @9

    “If Newt Gingrich ever revealed his true greatness, he would instantly be elected president, regardless of whether it is an election year. Only his unsurpassed humility keeps him from doing this.”

    We came up with my favourite Chuck Norris joke recently, when watching an infomercial on the Total Gym.

    “Chuck Norris only knows 4 major muscle groups.”

  11. cp3honingcomplex says

    Lol and let’s not forget that bizarre press release from his campaign over the summer, about how the “literati sent out their minions” to attack Gingrich.

    “But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.”

  12. Azkyroth says

    Weird; I have an Irish cookbook with some decent recipes in it. O.o Of course, most of them are full of flesh…

  13. Reginald Selkirk says

    Obama: I want you to go in and ki- er, neutralize Osama bin Laden.
    Seal Team 6: No problem, SIR!

    Obama: I want you to go in and rescue hostages from Somali pirates – in Somalia.
    Seal Team 6: Sir yes Sir!

    Obama: I want you to go in and find New Gingrich’s humility.
    Seal Team 6: Sir, some things are just not possible.

  14. lpetrich says

    I’d posted in an earlier thread about how in his childhood Newt Gingrich had liked Isaac Asimov’s Foundation Trilogy and how he now thinks of himself as a present-day Hari Seldon. In the Trilogy, Hari Seldon worked out that the Galactic Empire would someday fall and he worked out a plan for rebuilding civilization: the Foundation outposts. Newt Gingrich’s version of the Foundations are organizations that he founded like GOPAC.

    Source: Newt Gingrich the Galactic Historian | History News Network

  15. MikeMa says

    @Marcus,
    Caesar was good for more than Alesia but that was an impressive win over staggering odds. In more modern encounters the joke I always remember has the punchline, “Adjutant, bring me my brown pants.”

  16. Scott Hanley says

    Gingrich will get a strong bit part in historical studies of the Clinton presidency, but other than that — I can’t see any reason to even mention him in a US history textbook. None at all. Not even remotely as significant as Rush Limbaugh.

  17. Reginald Selkirk says

    I can’t see any reason to even mention him in a US history textbook

    He led congressional Republicans in a shutdown of the federal government in a Tea Party prequel.

  18. exdrone says

    Donald Trump not moderating that one debate is a missed opportunity, then, for an ego-a-ego match against Newt. That Mixed Mental Arts match would have sorted out who the saviour of civilization really is.

  19. lpetrich says

    Donald Trump? I’ll give him credit for not being as deliberately divisive as Newt Gingrich has been. It’s NG who wrote Language: A Key Mechanism of Control back in the 1990′s, giving a list of “good” words for the Republican Party and “bad” words for the Democratic Party.

  20. Rip Steakface says

    I’d posted in an earlier thread about how in his childhood Newt Gingrich had liked Isaac Asimov’s Foundation Trilogy and how he now thinks of himself as a present-day Hari Seldon. In the Trilogy, Hari Seldon worked out that the Galactic Empire would someday fall and he worked out a plan for rebuilding civilization: the Foundation outposts. Newt Gingrich’s version of the Foundations are organizations that he founded like GOPAC.

    A damn shame that he didn’t continue reading more Asimov. Maybe he wouldn’t believe he’s on a mission from god.

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