From Rick Perry, during his speech withdrawing from the presidential race:
“I began this race with a sense of calling — I felt led into the arena to fight for the future of this country. I feel no different than I did then, knowing the calling never represents a particular outcome, but a journey that tests one’s faith and character.”
Oh, nonsense. You began the race because you thought you had a chance to win. But the fact that you’re a weapons-grade moron quickly became apparent even to Republican voters, who tend to actually like garden-variety morons. That wasn’t God calling you, it was your ego.
21 comments
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imrryr
January 24, 2012 at 10:14 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Still, that’s one crazy-ass garden.
Jordan Genso
January 24, 2012 at 10:20 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Did his speech include the phrase “I am quitting on America”?
holytape
January 24, 2012 at 10:25 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It was God calling Perry. It was a wrong number. You have to remember that God is getting old in His age. He flooded Iowa when Obama won the senate in Illinois. He wanted to flood the gay parade in the french quarter, but ended up flooding the rest of New Orleans by mistake. God was just trying to call his Son Jesus, to ask him why he never visits any more, and why he hasn’t settled down with a nice Jewish girl yet. “I know you’re my only Son, but a couple of Grandkids would be nice.” Perry, who doesn’t speak a lick of ancient hebrew, mistook the call as a calling for higher office.
(P.S. When God did realizes his mistake, he tried calling Perry back, but dialed the wrong prayer again. Ms. Collinworth, of Yorktown Ohio, a normally happy woman, with a good career and family, spent a week with the thought “Don’t run for president, you stupid moron.” running through her head.)
Abby Normal
January 24, 2012 at 10:32 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Amazing how often those things get confused.
D. C. Sessions
January 24, 2012 at 10:34 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So when the Heavenly Phone rings for Perry, Bachmann, et al. and the Campaign Manager in Chief tells them that they’re “called” to the Presidency, it’s really just the setup for a pratfall?
The lesson to be learned from this is that when someone says that they’re “called” to public office, it means that they’re going to get the Jonah treatment and become public laughing stocks.
peterh
January 24, 2012 at 10:49 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So all his actions in the recent past were exercises to gain another Heavenly Merit Badge™?
Larry
January 24, 2012 at 11:03 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Give it up, Perry. It’s time to go back to threatening to secede from the Union.
Brownian
January 24, 2012 at 11:04 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
LOL, holytape.
Taz
January 24, 2012 at 11:10 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I never thought it would be possible to say this about anyone, but Perry is George W Bush without the brains.
Ed Brayton
January 24, 2012 at 12:01 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
holytape is hereby awarded one internet.
Canadian Yankee
January 24, 2012 at 12:14 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Actually, the problem with all of them is that when God called them to run for President, none of them asked the obvious followup question: “President of what?”
d cwilson
January 24, 2012 at 12:14 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
At least now we know where the cellar is. From now on, every republican candidate will have to strive to be not quite as dumb as Rick Perry.
A country you once threatened to secede from.
It’s more of a nut orchard.
pHred
January 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
holytape – OMG you are channeling Douglas Adams! That was awesome. I just wish I wasn’t taking a bite of sandwich when I read it. You almost killed me.
Michael Heath
January 24, 2012 at 12:24 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Ed wrote:
Where Gov. Perry then preceded to campaign depending entirely on his id. What he didn’t realize was that Newt Gingrich had already locked-up the demographic niche which is attracted by such behavior.
Modusoperandi
January 24, 2012 at 12:50 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
d cwilson “At least now we know where the cellar is. From now on, every republican candidate will have to strive to be not quite as dumb as Rick Perry.”
When God closes a door He opens an Overton Window…
D. C. Sessions
January 24, 2012 at 2:10 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You have a far higher opinion of today’s POG than I do.
MikeMa
January 24, 2012 at 2:16 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
MikeMa
January 24, 2012 at 2:16 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Preview would have been good there…
carolw
January 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
If only he would drop out of politics all together. Now we (Texas) are going to get him back for another term as Gov., probably. Damn.
exdrone
January 24, 2012 at 10:55 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
D.C. Sessions @5 says:
I know the G-man likes to be old school, but if he’s going to start relying on multiple inspirations, he really needs to get a Twitter account.
Ichthyic
January 25, 2012 at 2:46 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Please tell me Texas will not re-elect this clown as their governor, AGAIN.