Warren Throckmorton reports that Alan Chambers, the president of ‘ex-gay’ group Exodus International, recently admitted at a recent conference that 99.9 percent of the people who claim to be no longer gay are still gay.
The majority of people that I have met, and I would say the majority meaning 99.9% of them have not experienced a change in their orientation or have gotten to a place where they could say that they could never be tempted or are not tempted in some way or experience some level of same-sex attraction. I think there is a gender issue there, there are some women who have challenged me and said that my orientation or my attractions have changed completely. Those have been few and far between. The vast majority of people that I know will experience some level of same-sex attraction.
That’s because they’re still gay. And they’ll always be gay. They can choose to be celibate, of course, just as many straight people do, and they can choose to have sex with the opposite gender, but that doesn’t make them not gay. A celibate straight person doesn’t stop being straight. And straight people can and do participate in same-gender sex (porn actors often do), just as gay people can and do participate in opposite-gender sex, but that doesn’t change their sexual orientation.
I don’t really have a problem with someone who wants to control their sexual behavior, for whatever reason. Individuals do this all the time and often for good reason. We may want to have sex with all kinds of people but if we are in a monogamous relationship, exercising control over your desires is not a bad thing. If a gay person genuinely believes that having gay sex is morally wrong and they put their effort and focus into not acting on their desires, more power to them. I don’t think that’s a healthy thing to do, but it’s their life. And just as I don’t think I am in any position to morally judge someone for having same-gender sex, I also don’t think I’m in any position to morally judge them for not having it. But don’t pretend that you’re no longer gay. And especially don’t pretend that others should do the same thing or should follow your path to becoming “ex-gay” when you are no such thing.