Farah Prays for a Michele Miracle


Joseph Farah’s latest column is even more unintentionally amusing than most of what he writes. He goes through each of the GOP candidates, explains why he doesn’t support them, and then offers a prayer for the one he does: Michele Bachmann.

That leaves one other candidate – Michele Bachmann.

She’s the real deal, folks. She’s 100 percent. She’s gaffe-proof. She’s smarter than Newt, but doesn’t brag about it half as much. She’s honest. She’s sincere. And she really believes in what she says.

What we need to pray for prior to the Iowa primary is a Michele Miracle.

Pray fervently for the future of this country – that it should be worthy of the blessings God has bestowed upon it for 235 years.

And ask God for a little miracle this year.

Ask Him to give us Michele.

Leaving aside the fact that anyone who thinks Michele Bachmann is “gaffe-proof” is simply delusional, I’m always baffled by these kinds of prayers. When answering the problem of evil, people like Farah always talk in grandiose terms about free will. But the only way Bachmann can win is if enough people vote for her. And they are either going to vote for her or they’re not, so what is the prayer for? Either people are going to vote for her anyway, in which case the prayer is pointless, or God can answer those prayers by changing people’s minds, a clear violation of free will. Their belief system is internally incoherent.

Comments

  1. anandine says

    If a gaffe is when a politician accidentally tells the truth, then she has never made one. I don’t remember ever hearing anything from her that was unequivocally the truth.

  2. MikeMa says

    It is already a miracle that Bachmann is an elected public official. More can not be expected. God is exhausted from that effort.

  3. eric says

    I’m sure there are many Dems who will join him in this prayer. You’d think that even the most self-delusional pundit would take pause when he finds his opponents cheering on his efforts.

  4. Phillip IV says

    But the only way Bachmann can win is if enough people vote for her.

    Or if all of the other Republican candidates are struck down by lightning for above. That’s probably what Farah dreams of at night – and, come to think of it, I’m not sure whether I would be really devastated by that particular outcome…

  5. Scott Hanley says

    Either people are going to vote for her anyway, in which case the prayer is pointless, or God can answer those prayers by changing people’s minds, a clear violation of free will.

    That’s not so hard to rationalize. God will tell people in their hearts that they should vote for Bachmann. Those who choose not to are morally culpable for their disobedience.

  6. Hercules Grytpype-Thynne says

    God can answer those prayers by changing people’s minds, a clear violation of free will.

    No, He’ll operate the way He always does, by presenting a detailed and cogent argument and appealing to the rational faculties of His listeners to make the logically correct choice.

  7. Michael Heath says

    Ed writes:

    I’m always baffled by these kinds of prayers. When answering the problem of evil, people like Farah always talk in grandiose terms about free will. But the only way Bachmann can win is if enough people vote for her. And they are either going to vote for her or they’re not, so what is the prayer for? Either people are going to vote for her anyway, in which case the prayer is pointless, or God can answer those prayers by changing people’s minds, a clear violation of free will. Their belief system is internally incoherent.

    Even the most delusional and idiotic among conservative Christians blithely avoid considering your valid point by the following argument. That they’re merely asking that God, “soften hardened hearts so that truth and wisdom can be considered”.

  8. raven says

    The fundie xian death cults aren’t as powerful and numerous as they claim.

    The two leading candidates of the Theothuglican party are:

    1. A Mormon who isn’t even a xian.

    2. Gingrich, who is a convert to Catholicism, a Fake Xian, and whose real religion is obviously opportunism, his bank account, and whatever women he can chase down.

    They can’t even find a fundie to head the ticket for their own party.

  9. Didaktylos says

    Well I’m more tactful and subtle than a charging rhino, but I don’t expect to be changing my career to the Diplomatic Corps any time soon.

  10. yoav says

    I’m sure Obama and his team are praying as hard as they can for Michele Bachmann to be the nominee. She is gaffe prof, as in anything she ever say is 100% guarantee to be a gaffe.

    Either people are going to vote for her anyway, in which case the prayer is pointless, or God can answer those prayers by changing people’s minds, a clear violation of free will.

    But jeezus don’t have to make people vote for Bachmann, he just need to hack the voting machines and change the results, problem solved.

  11. Larry says

    Their sky fairy has already told Crazy Eyes she should run (well, her and at least half of the other clown posse). Of what use will any prayers be when she has its blessing already? Is Farah implying that his deity doesn’t have the wherewithal to make it happen?

    I find his lack of faith disturbing…

  12. Trebuchet says

    I’m still hoping she’ll keep on running after the official (R) candidate is chosen. Can’t hurt, and since God told her to run, who is she to say no?

  13. Aquaria says

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA

    Oh, yes, please keep encouraging this boulder brain to stick with her campaign.

    I’m begging you, do not let her stop!

    I need the laughs.

  14. MikeMa says

    As much as I like having her insanity in the race, I don’t think she has the cash or stamina to mount an independent campaign. I enjoy her craziness but not enough to send her a nickel to continue.

  15. Stevarious says

    Either people are going to vote for her anyway, in which case the prayer is pointless, or God can answer those prayers by changing people’s minds, a clear violation of free will.

    There is a third option. God can arrange for a number of voters (who were going to vote wrong) to not be able to make it to the polls. He can make them sick, or have them get in a car accident, or maybe the voting machine just ‘forgets’ to count their votes (spiritual hacking!) or any other number of seemingly random events that reflect the will of god.

    After all, isn’t that how god does everything? In a manner indistinguishable from random chance?

  16. says

    Its all just a useless dog and pony show. Anyone who would vote for any of the republican candadites will still cast their vote for whoever is nominated. Nothing will change that because nothing CAN change that.

  17. John Hinkle says

    I’m always baffled by these kinds of prayers.

    You have to set your Reality Regulator to “Farah.” Yours has a “Farah” setting, doesn’t it? If not, try setting it to “moron.”

  18. lofgren says

    Either people are going to vote for her anyway, in which case the prayer is pointless, or God can answer those prayers by changing people’s minds, a clear violation of free will.

    God doesn’t answer those prayers by changing the way people vote, he answers them by tampering with voting machines.

  19. Aquaria says

    And she really believes in what she says.

    I think this is one case where the truth doesn’t set us free. It fucking terrifies us.

  20. D. C. Sessions says

    Either people are going to vote for her anyway, in which case the prayer is pointless, or God can answer those prayers by changing people’s minds, a clear violation of free will.

    You don’t understand — to a narcissist, those “other people” are just stage dressing, and “free will” doesn’t apply to cardboard cutouts. To Farah, “free will” means that he can do as he likes and that Great Cardboard Cutout in the Sky will give him cookies.

  21. Modusoperandi says

    John Hinkle “You have to set your Reality Regulator to ‘Farah.’ Yours has a ‘Farah’ setting, doesn’t it? If not, try setting it to ‘moron.'”
    OFF works too.

  22. ottod says

    I hope you’ll all continue to support Ms Bachmann’s campaign. Each day she spends trying to become President is one less day she’s back here in Minnesota running a congressional campaign — and there’s a good change she can pull off a re-election if she starts soon enough. Logic hasn’t recently been an important factor in Minnesota’s 6th.

    Go Michele!

  23. naturalcynic says

    Uh, people… it won’t be deus ex machina.
    You don’t use a voting machine in a caucus. Eligible caucus-goers will meet at a location and they will split up into groups favoring a candidate and noses are counted. There may be cases where a group favoring a minority candidate may disband and their voters may move as a block or individually to another candidate. No voting machine, only human vote counters.

  24. says

    It’s hard not to wonder if Farah won’t soon be busted for having a giant stash of LSD, since pieces like this indicate he’s hallucinating regularly.

  25. duck1887 says

    She is indeed gaffe-proof, in this sense: no matter what she says, her supporters will not see it as a gaffe. (Unlike, say, Obama or Romney, who would presumably lose supporters if they say that Burma is in Eastern Europe or that snow comes up rather than down).

    But I don’t think that’s what Farah means …

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