Bachmann Gets Second Godhead Endorsement


We all know that Michele Bachmann has claimed that God told her to run for president. But now it appears a second member of the triune Godhead has endorsed her as well, according to wingnut preacher Peter Waldron. Warren Throckmorton reports:

Waldron: I’m compelled by Scripture. If I may tell you the story of Michele Bachmann, how I came

Deace: Can you do it in 60 seconds?

Waldron: I can do it in less than 60 seconds.

Deace: Go ahead.

Waldron: I was interviewed by several candidates. I came to Iowa to be interviewed by Hermann Cain. I met with him at the Holiday Inn in downtown Des Moines. He was scheduled to speak at a home schooling event over at the capital. I went over to hear him speak and this woman came out and she spoke and the Holy Ghost said to me as I was standing there, uh, this is the one. And I left Des Moines, returned to my offices in Tennessee, I prayed and God said volunteer. So literally I volunteered for Michele Bachmann and a funny thing happened on the way to Des Moines.

No word on whether Jesus will be joining his cohorts in endorsing Bachmann’s failing campaign. And no word from God or the Holy Ghost on the competing claims of at least 4 of the Republican candidates that they have personally endorsed their campaigns. In fact, no word from any of these non-existent beings at all. Ever.

Comments

  1. says

    I want to run for office as a republican. I would have a hidden speaker where ever I went, so that I could constantly play a recording, “This is the holy ghost, and this is my chosen one. Give him the maximum amount to his campaign, and you’ll be rewarded in heaven.”

    I would be racking up the endorsements and cash faster than Palin can blame the lame stream media for asking her questions.

  2. anandine says

    You wrote In fact, no word from any of these non-existent beings at all. Ever.

    Now, Ed, that’s just not true. It is estimated that about one in a hundred people hears the voices of non-existent beings in their head, but medication can help.

  3. says

    “This is the one.”
    Well hell, I’ve had that feeling lots of times when an attractive woman appears! Had I known that it was a message from God, I wouldn’t have squandered my unholy self on ogling and small talk and all the rest. I done let you down, lord.

  4. Michael Heath says

    holytape:

    I want to run for office as a republican. I would have a hidden speaker where ever I went, so that I could constantly play a recording, “This is the holy ghost, and this is my chosen one. Give him the maximum amount to his campaign, and you’ll be rewarded in heaven.”

    Nah, they’d be on to that. Instead I suggest wirelessly transmitting your message heard only through hearing aids. You’d get a whole bunch of the crowd exicitedly doing all your work, where it’s was clearly a miracle since they all heard it at the same time.

    Ed writes:

    In fact, no word from any of these non-existent beings at all. Ever.

    LOL. Yet not referring to them is political suicide, earning us what we get . . . good and hard. (H/T – H.L. Mencken)

  5. autumnrook says

    I have a feeling that the Holy Ghost speaking to him was also accompanied by a sudden tightness in his pants.

  6. Randomfactor says

    As a former Catholic, I’m holding out until we hear who gets the endorsement from the all-important Mary-with-the-cherry. I’m thinking she’ll vote for Obama…

  7. Mr Ed says

    Talk about halfhearted endorsement. “Compelled by scripture”, “Holy Ghost said to me as I was standing there, uh, this is the one” and “God said volunteer.” Waldron doesn’t endorse himself he just following instructions.

    On the plus side looks like Cain has a new job. I might not know what Libya is but last night I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.

  8. Phillip IV says

    the Holy Ghost said to me as I was standing there, uh, this is the one.

    I’d never have expected the Holy Ghost to start his sentences with “uh”.

  9. Aquaria says

    Somehow, I don’t see Godhead endorsing Michele Bachmann, unless it’s ironically.

    Oh–you weren’t talking about the band.

    Never mind.

  10. says

    So, which one of the “God made me do it” presidential candidates is most likely to claim they were deceived by Satan/demons etc. when they lose?

  11. freemage says

    Philip IV @8:

    I’m picturing the Holy Ghost arriving at Waldon’s shoulder, about to deliver the message It had been given, when suddenly It realized who It was going to be endorsing. That caused It to stumble, then It finished the process and went back to the Throne, only to discover Jesus laughing his ass off.

  12. Die Anyway says

    >”…no word from any of these non-existent beings at all. Ever.”

    Or… God, trickster that he is, is telling multiple people to run, that they are his favored choice, etc. And then sitting back and laughing His Ass off. That’s certainly what I would do if I were god.

  13. harold says

    So, which one of the “God made me do it” presidential candidates is most likely to claim they were deceived by Satan/demons etc. when they lose?

    None, they’ll claim that Satan caused people not to vote Republican in the general election if the Republican loses.

    (If they lose the primary, they’ll claim that God revealed to them that whichever Republican won the primary is now his real choice, but that he had wanted them to run for some reason or other at the time. It is highly unlikely that any candidate as serious as Bachmann or more serious will fail to fall into line behind the primary winner.)

    God always favors whatever is their best option at the time. Early on he favors them to win the primary. If they don’t win that, he favors the Republican who did win to win the general election.

  14. raven says

    Why is it that billions of people claim to hear the gods speaking to them.

    And the gods all say different things to them.

    (Answer). God is just a sockpuppet. The gods hate whomever you hate and want you to have whatever you want to have.

  15. raven says

    I’m so sick of all these people claiming that the gods speak to them and they know what the gods want*.

    It isn’t the least bit believable. Throckmorton is either delusional, or more likely, just flat out lying. I know this because god told me so herself, LOL.

    But I could change my mind. If there was ever a shred of proof of that. Writing in the heavens, giant celestial beings walking the earth, god getting his own TV channel and website and doing a few miracles to establish credibility.

    Not going to wait up for all that though.

    *According to the bible, false prophets like Warren Throckmorton are to be stoned to death. If the xians would ever walk their talk, that would cut their numbers way down.

  16. vmanis1 says

    I would take it a LOT more seriously if a candidate were to get endorsements from Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva. but the trinity that would be most appropriate for endorsing the Republican Clowns would be the one composed of Curly, Larry, and Moe.

  17. jakc says

    If God really wants to win elections, he should spend more time telling voters whom to vote for and less time telling candidates to run.

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