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Nov 10 2011

Put a Fork in Perry

I rarely watch political debates because I find them terribly annoying. I will usually go back and read the transcripts, but I almost wish I’d watched last night’s debate just to see the moment that put the nail in the Perry coffin. This is hilarious to watch. There are people who actually take these buffoons seriously.

47 comments

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  1. 1
    robertbaden

    I heard Perry on the radio today, with his list of agencies to close.
    I wish they had included the “No one expects the Spanish Inquisition”
    part of the speech……..

  2. 2
    slc1

    As a former debate coach, Mr. Brayton should know better. These are not debates, they are joint news conferences.

  3. 3
    raven

    One of the top US generals in Afghanistan put it this way.

    “We tried electing a moron president twice and it didn’t work.”

    Bush set us back for an entire generation. At least, we may never recover. We don’t need another moron from Texas.

  4. 4
    Phillip IV

    The answer was wrong, anyway – axing just three Federal departments isn’t good enough for the GOP base anymore. I’ve heard they’re looking for a candidate who will promise to bring the total number of Federal Departments down to two: the Department of Foreign Aggression and the Department for the Enforcement of Morals.

  5. 5
    sc_314f771040c95b262912df2bec80b9ed

    slc1, I think Ed’s first sentence establishes that he does know better.

  6. 6
    Aquaria

    Oh please… Somebody do a transcript so I don’t have to listen to this third rate Franklin Pierce. I’m subjected to him enough as governor.

  7. 7
    Hank Fox

    But don’t assume that Perry was ever a serious candidate, in the sense that he had a real shot at it, or that the core GOP thinkers wanted him.

    Neither was Sarah Palin, or Michelle Bachman, or Cain. All of them are there only to make Mittens look like he’s moderate, sane and electable. Even the media will see Romney through a friendly lens after all the barking-at-the-moon chaff gets swept off to the side.

    The strategy is that the rest of us will also relax and assume Romney is the “not all that bad” candidate, the one who might be bearable over 4 or 8 years.

    To me, though, Romney looks like a fucking disaster, another monster put up by the party run by Christian Teanderthals and billionaires.

    Hell, if we liberals and progressives are as irritated as we are at Obama, think what will happen with someone even that much farther to the right gets into the White House.

  8. 8
    John Hinkle

    “Oops” pretty much describes everyone in that “debate.”

  9. 9
    eric

    Aquaria, here’s the gist:

    Perry; “I would cut three agencies. Education, Commerce, and, uh….what’s that third one?”

    Moderator: “You can’t remember the name of the third one you’d cut?”

    Perry: [after much hemming and hawing] “No, I can’t. Oops.”

    Over at Pharyngula, PZ says the third agency he intended to list was Energy. As a conservative, he ought to know that Energy is responsible for (among other things) the upkeep of our nuclear deterrent. But evidently he’s so much of an idiot that he doesn’t know what the agencies he’s proposing to cut actually do.

  10. 10
    Spanish Inquisitor

    Has anyone figured out what the third agency was?

    I haven’t seen it yet, and Enquiring minds want to know. He probably thinks “activist judges” are part of a single agency.

  11. 11
    Dennis N

    It’s not really a debate when everyone is in agreement on the issues except for Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman.

  12. 12
    Ed Brayton

    He said later in the debate that the third one was the Department of Energy.

  13. 13
    d cwilson

    I think Perry’s campaign is really an experiment to find out just how stupid a candidate has to be before he is unacceptable even to republicans. He’s almost hit rock bottom as it is, but he has more work to do. In order to drop below Huntsman, he’ll have to forget to wear pants at the next debate joint press conference.

  14. 14
    eric

    I think Perry’s campaign is really an experiment to find out just how stupid a candidate has to be before he is unacceptable even to republicans.

    Then let’s give them credit for proper scientific methodology, as they seem to be trying to reproduce their results via multiple independent tests of the same thing.

  15. 15
    Jordan Genso

    How nice would it be if Perry’s campaign was toast for coming out in favor of eliminating the Departments of Education, Commerce, and Energy (rather than because he momentarily drew a blank)?

    Personally, I’d like him more if I thought he would reliably forget all of the horrible positions he supports. Gov. Perry having a brain fart is better than him having his brain “work”.

  16. 16
    Blondin

    He kind of reminded me a bit of Reagan.

  17. 17
    Michael Heath

    eric writes:

    As a conservative, [Gov. Perry] ought to know . . .

    Knowing was discarded from the American conservative movement several years ago.

  18. 18
    reverendrodney

    If only Perry goofed, that could be the end. But look at Cain… look at Bachmann, look at Newt, and so on. They’re all clowns. What must Europeans think of this American circus known as the GOP?

  19. 19
    wpjoe

    Clearly they do not have any real reasons for wanting to cut these agencies, they just like the way it sounds.

    Maybe next time Perry will write it on his hand.

  20. 20
    Doc Bill

    I think (living in Texas) that the bottom line is that Perry really is quite stupid. Undereducated, certainly, and lazy. He simply doesn’t prepare for these “debate” events.

    But, perhaps worse than all of that is Perry’s lack of any true position. He couldn’t remember the three agencies he’d eliminate because they’re just sound bites in his head. He doesn’t have a plan. He doesn’t understand what these agencies do or what would happen if he eliminated them. He probably heard something about eliminating agencies being a “good thing” that he thought he’d jump on board.

    Furthermore, while I’m ranting about this moron, he didn’t commit a “gaffe.” He didn’t simply forget to mention “salt” after reciting a long and complicated recipe. No, he seriously doesn’t know what he’s saying.

  21. 21
    Trebuchet

    He’s going to get rid of the Department of Commerce but keep the Department of Labor? Presumably that’s the third one he couldn’t remember but FSM, what a moron. He even sounds like Bush.

  22. 22
    eric

    And, lest we forget:

    2010 DoEd budget: $47b
    2010 DoE budget: $26b
    2010 DoC budget: $14b
    Total: $87b
    2010 Budget shortfall: $1.171 trillion

  23. 23
    Area Man

    “But evidently he’s so much of an idiot that he doesn’t know what the agencies he’s proposing to cut actually do.”

    He also doesn’t realize that he was naming cabinet level departments, each of which contains multiple agencies. That may seem like semantics, but it’s sort of important to know what’s an agency and what’s a department if you plan on running them all.

  24. 24
    carolw

    All I can say is, “Bwa ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Oh no ho ho! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”
    What a buffoon.

  25. 25
    Reginald Selkirk

    wpjoe: Clearly they do not have any real reasons for wanting to cut these agencies, they just like the way it sounds.

    The GOP would love to cut education funding. They see it as a way of growing their base.

  26. 26
    Bronze Dog

    The GOP would love to cut education funding. They see it as a way of growing their base.

    And a lot of their financial backers probably see reducing our nation to a third world country as just another cost of business.

  27. 27
    Aquaria

    I think (living in Texas) that the bottom line is that Perry really is quite stupid. Undereducated, certainly, and lazy. He simply doesn’t prepare for these “debate” events.

    Very lazy. He’s been able to coast on aw shucks and good looks since he became a Republican.

    But, perhaps worse than all of that is Perry’s lack of any true position.

    Not quite. Perry’s positions are quite clear: He’s obsessed with “fiscal responsibility”, and getting Rick Perry ahead.

    He couldn’t remember the three agencies he’d eliminate because they’re just sound bites in his head.

    You already said he was stupid and lazy. Guess what?

    He doesn’t have a plan.

    Sure he does: He’s going to be “fiscally responsible” at all costs. And he’s going to get Rick perry ahead. Sheesh.

    He doesn’t understand what these agencies do or what would happen if he eliminated them.

    It doesn’t matter to him what they do if they’re causing a budget to be out of whack. To him, the fiscally responsible thing to do is to get rid of agencies. It doesn’t matter which one. Just get rid of any three. So you can be more fiscally responsible. It’s how he’s governed Texas, after all.

    He probably heard something about eliminating agencies being a “good thing” that he thought he’d jump on board.

    It sounded good to him for two reasons: He loves anything that makes government budgets only about the bare necessities. And he thought it would be unique enough to get Rick Perry ahead.

    Honestly, Perry isn’t that difficult to understand, because he’s a sociopath. He doesn’t care about people–he cares about an abstraction (fiscal responsibility) and how it will benefit him, never mind what the consequences are to anyone else. Everything about this guy revolves around it. He can support giving tuition to illegal immigrants for college, because, in the long run, that’s going to help the budget. He can gleefully sign execution orders on a regular basis because he’s saving the government money when he finally kills off those murderers feeding at the government trough with their recreation periods and their law libraries and their three meals a day.

  28. 28
    Who Knows?

    I don’t see how anyone can expect support when they talk about eliminating the department of education. Doesn’t that put the education of every child in the United States at risk?

  29. 29
    Aquaria

    You know what’s weird in this list? The Commerce Department. But I finally figured out why Perry hates it.

    You see, the Commerce Department is in charge of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA). Why is this important? Oh ye of not noticing the obvious!

    1) NOAA is in charge of little things like the National Ocean Service (NOS) and the Office of Oceanic and Atmospheric Research (OAR). Do y’all know who these people are, what they do? They’re scientists, and scientists who do a shitload of research that confirms climate change!

    I see the light bulbs going on. What Texan in his right mind is going to listen to a bunch of pointy-headed intelleckshuls talking about how burning fossil fuels. That won’t make Rick Perry look good, and that won’t do.

    2) NOAA is also in charge of the National Weather Service (NWS).

    I want everyone to remember how Perry tried to make himself look good by getting people to pray for rain, but the NWS kept telling him, there won’t be any rain, bub, and there isn’t any. IOW: Every time he prayed, they wouldn’t say, “OMG! You made it rain!”

    And that pissed little Ricky off. How dare they not make it rain and keep making him look good!

  30. 30
    eric

    Who knows @28 – short answer, yes it does.

    Long answer: U.S. education is a combination of local funding, state funding, and federal funding. Perry (and conservatives like him) want to place responsibility for education back into the hands of localities. So he’s not technically calling for a complete end to state-sponsored education, just the federal part of it. The conservative position is that the federal funding is just inefficient redstribution. So, education will actually improve if those federal tax dollars going to DoEd are never collected, because that money can be used by states and locals to fund education, with better results.

    I could wax on about why I think that’s a load of crapola, but rather than do that I’ll just repeat my short answer – yes, I think his plan will hurt U.S. education.

  31. 31
    eric

    Aquaria @29 – I think it’s much simpler than that. He or his voters don’t know what DoC does, so they will see ‘only benefit’ in closing it.

    I say this because DOE actually employs a lot of people in Texas to do national defense-related work. So, to my mind, Perry is clearly picking one or more of his targets based on incompetence rather than malice.

  32. 32
    thztds

    Getting rid of the Commerce Department has the added benefit of removing the Patent and Trademark office. Once U.S. businesses are unencumbered by patents and trademarks, we’ll be able to compete economically with China again!

    Perry is obviously a job creating genius!!!!!!

  33. 33
    abear

    After the giggling in the New Hampshire speech and the brain freeze during the debate has anyone looked into the possibility that Obama has secretly laced the Perry pre-speech cigar, perhaps with marihuana?

  34. 34
    D. C. Sessions

    has anyone looked into the possibility that Obama has secretly laced the Perry pre-speech cigar, perhaps with marihuana?

    That would be a remarkably stupid move for a Democrat. Now, slipping something to Mitt …

  35. 35
    naturalcynic

    Rick Perry needs to change his name to give a better description of himself. I would suggest Prick Airy. Prick for the obvious and Airy fro the contents of the rest.

  36. 36
    Nick Gotts

    What must Europeans think of this American circus known as the GOP? – reverendrodney

    Well we might start feeling superior – until we remember Silvio Berlusconi. His piquant combination of thief, racist and buffoon takes some beating.

  37. 37
    Nick Gotts

    Oh – I forgot misogynist.

  38. 38
    joewinpisinger1

    Perry most certainly is an idiot. I did a blog post on it that has a picture that is hilarious of him and Ron Paul. I can email to Ed if anyone knows his address. He would love it.

    http://www.3rdwavelands.com/2011/11/ron-paul-rick-perry-and-53-seconds-that.html

  39. 39
    Aquaria

    Aquaria @29 – I think it’s much simpler than that. He or his voters don’t know what DoC does, so they will see ‘only benefit’ in closing it.

    I wouldn’t take that to the bank if I were you. The fundies aren’t Perry’s only voters. The business elite also vote for him, and they definitely know the DoC.

    I say this because DOE actually employs a lot of people in Texas to do national defense-related work.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    You think Perry actually cares about jobs? Federal government pinhead jobs that pay well?

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    So, to my mind, Perry is clearly picking one or more of his targets based on incompetence rather than malice.

    Think again. Perry is pissed at the DOE because they’re talking about stopping hydraulic fracking, and that business elite in Texas? Guess what business a lot of them are in? If you said oil and gas, you’d get a gold star.

    From a campaign speech in Iowa–in August:

    You have this administration talking about stopping hydraulic fracking, trying to scare people, saying that hydraulic fracking somehow or other is going to damage the groundwater, and so we’ve got to stop this. Not one time that I’m aware of has hydraulic fracking impacted groundwater. And if we don’t have the ability to frack, then all of the Pennsylvania Marcellus shale — you know, we don’t know what’s under the surface here in Iowa. There may be copious amounts of natural gas down there. Because the Eagle Ford in Texas, no one knew it was there until four or five years ago. New technologies finding new ways to bring this energy source. And we need to be, we need to be talking about ways to make America as independent energywise as we can. And it covers the watershed.

    You were saying?

  40. 40
    Aquaria

    Damn it to hell, my link didn’t work.

    Perry’s speech about fracking.

  41. 41
    jakc

    Actually, the best part of the debate was reading the comments over at Red State – they thought Newt sounded smart.

    And I’ll have to tell my friends in the oil business that they should just start drilling holes anywhere because they don’t know what’s under the ground.

  42. 42
    dingojack

    reverendrodney (#18) asked “What must Europeans think of this American circus known as the GOP?”
    Can’t speak on behalf of Europeans, but from down here:
    [points] BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
    Dingo

  43. 43
    Modusoperandi

    Phillip IV “The answer was wrong, anyway – axing just three Federal departments isn’t good enough for the GOP base anymore. I’ve heard they’re looking for a candidate who will promise to bring the total number of Federal Departments down to two: the Department of Foreign Aggression and the Department for the Enforcement of Morals.”
    Lies! It’s four: Minitrue, Miniluv, Minipax and Miniplenty.

    Blondin “He kind of reminded me a bit of Reagan.”
    To be fair, we tend to remember the past as better than it was.

    reverendrodney “What must Europeans think of this American circus known as the GOP?”
    Who cares what Europeans think? If they were important, they’d be Americans!

    eric “Total: $87b 2010 Budget shortfall: $1.171 trillion”
    Pah! If there’s a Republican in charge, deficits don’t matter! If worse comes to worse, he can raise revenues by cutting taxes.

    Who Knows? “I don’t see how anyone can expect support when they talk about eliminating the department of education. Doesn’t that put the education of every child in the United States at risk?”
    The primary functions of the Department of Education are to “establish policy for, administer and coordinate most federal assistance to education(*1), collect data on US schools(*2), and to enforce federal educational laws regarding privacy and civil rights.(*3)”
    1. Federal government meddling in how states spend federal funding. (“States’ rights!”)
    2. Federal oversight. (“States’ rights!”)
    3. States rights. (“States’ rights!”)

  44. 44
    Pieter B, FCD

    Who Knows? wrote

    I don’t see how anyone can expect support when they talk about eliminating the department of education. Doesn’t that put the education of every child in the United States at risk?

    In the minds of the GOP base, it’s the existence of the DofEd that puts the education [i.e. patriotic indoctrination] of every child in the United States at risk.

  45. 45
    nickcan

    #44: In the minds of the GOP base, it’s the existence of the DofEd that puts the education [i.e. patriotic indoctrination] of every child in the United States at risk.

    Yea, that’s what churches are for damn it!

  46. 46
    Aliasalpha

    Wow, its like he’s a bad dungeon master

    “I plan to”
    *rolls D6, consults table*
    “cut”
    *rolls D6*
    “3 agencies:”
    *rolls D12, consults table*
    “education”
    *rolls D12, consults table*
    “commerce and”
    *rolls D12, consults table*
    “shit, education again. Oh screw it, the one with the longest name”

  47. 47
    stace

    “One of the top US generals in Afghanistan put it this way.

    “We tried electing a moron president twice and it didn’t work.”

    Really? Who said that? I tried googling that in quotes and all I got was this page.

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