Another Atheist Christmas Card

Ok, this one really takes the “let’s out-Hallmark Hallmark” and runs with it. Cuttlefamily’s first christmas cards have begun arriving–one from a cousin who has an album of christmas hymns out. Seriously. Her cards always–always–have a bible verse, and a poem that is weapons-grade glurge.

So, below the fold… weapons-grade atheist glurge. Do not click if you are insulin dependent. Do not click if you are allergic to syrup. Do not click if you have just eaten.

But if you get the same sort of cards I get from my relatives, and want something equally saccharine to send to them… put on your protective goggles and look past the jump…

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Making Amends At Penn State

We could have called the cops, I guess,
In fact, I wish we had;
We might have done the proper thing
We didn’t, though—our bad.
If maybe we’d done anything
We’d not be here today.
But now it’s time to set things right…
That’s right; it’s time to pray.

The victims and their families
Have suffered for our sins
Too late now to prevent; the time
For penitence begins.
We didn’t do the least we could;
We shuffled and delayed;
The time has come to make amends…
I think it’s time we prayed.

It’s our responsibility
Since we’re the ones who failed
Our shame keeps growing deeper as
The charges are detailed.
It’s time for us to bow our heads
And pray with all our might
For god to touch these poor boys’ hearts…
And that will set things right

More after the jump: [Read more…]

The Dirtiest Word In Politics: “Atheist”

In case you’d forgotten, we thought we’d remind you
With data that show a continuous trend
The electorate never will gather behind you
Unless you declare your invisible friend

Political races are known to be dirty—
With negative messages, branding, and hype;
The numbers today show at best around thirty
Percent who would vote for an atheist type

Yes, “godless” is hopeless in voters’ opinion
A view in which humans are nothing but beasts
Morality’s seen as the church’s dominion
(As evidenced clearly by pedophile priests)

Two thirds of the country is “somewhat” or “very
Uncomfortable” letting an atheist lead;
They’d rather Santorum, or Gingrich, or Perry—
They’re morons, but morons who follow a creed.

Until and unless they have power and money
They won’t be invited, or asked to the dance
The clowns are in charge, but it just isn’t funny:
In politics, atheists don’t stand a chance.

Context, after jump: [Read more…]

Headline Muse, 11/3

This is not something simple, that passes
While we all sit around on our asses
It’s a “monster” increase—
We’re refusing to cease
Our production of more greenhouse gases

Headline: “Monster” greenhouse gas levels seen

The opening says it all:

The global output of heat-trapping carbon dioxide jumped by the biggest amount on record, the U.S. Department of Energy calculated, a sign of how feeble the world’s efforts are at slowing man-made global warming.
The new figures for 2010 mean that levels of greenhouse gases are higher than the worst case scenario outlined by climate experts just four years ago.

This is terribly disappointing news. We are all so screwed.

Edible? Wearable?

An octopus, in all its glory,
Draped about a dress of nori,
Decorates a model in a German fashion show
Chocolate wraps, and masks of fishes
Are these clothes, or are they dishes?
Edible aesthetics for the woman on the go?

From the drawing-board and kettle
Of the Michelin chef Trettl
It was mostly eaten afterwards (not all of it, I note)
Now this fashion-slash-nutrition
Is a photo exhibition
As couture or as cuisine, though, I’m left wondering… is it haute?

More after jump: [Read more…]

The Church’s Last Taboo

We’ll talk about race and we’ll talk about sex,
Execution, abortion, divorce
Share power with women, admit open gays,
Make political choices, of course
We’re toppling taboos; we’re changing our ways
The choices we make, though, are funny—
The issue that none of us dare speak its name…
The final taboo… why, it’s money

Goodies, after the jump:
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Trick Or Treat With Jesus

Jesus came back from the dead tonight
(He said he had done it before)
He took to the streets in the Bible Belt
With the children in masks, door to door.

With pirates, and goblins, and heroes, and ghosts
Came the Savior, the true child of God
On the streets where the Christian majority lives
It was more than a little bit odd:

Wherever they stopped, the people would guess
(Cos that’s what the homeowner does)
Though Jesus was Jesus, and not in disguise
Not one of them knew who He was.

The Jesus they know is the one they created,
Who thinks like, and looks like, themselves
Whose stories they hear in their sermons, but not
In the bibles that sit on their shelves.

If Jesus existed, if Jesus was real,
If He died on the cross for our sins
He wouldn’t want gays to be punished for love
Or care if a Democrat wins.

He wouldn’t want lies taught to children in school;
He wouldn’t want homeless to freeze
The weakest and weariest crying for help
In a system that’s deaf to their pleas

I worry, you know, for the Christian Right—
And (of course) for the human race—
When Jesus himself goes from door to door
And no one knows his face

Hey, the power was out; I had to do something.

Headline Muse, 10/26

Though some see the number and mourn
Others look at their sadness with scorn
Is it yes, no, or maybe,
To celebrate “Baby
Seven Billion” about to be born?

Is it cause for some big celebration?
Or for policy forcing castration?
Seven billion to feed
And we still feel the need
To contribute to more population?

I’m sure that the parents are proud
And of course that is fully allowed
But this rate of our growth
It could sure use some slowth—
We’re already a menacing crowd!

Headline: World Population to hit 7 billion

By the end of this month. So some momma is currently walking around, back and feet aching, looking like she’s smuggling a pumpkin under her skin (and yet, radiant–how the hell does that happen?), carrying the planet’s Seven Billionth Human. She’s probably already experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions.

I just missed being the world’s 3 billionth person. There are more than twice the number of people on the planet as there were when I was born. I have a hard time shaking the feeling that this is going to make the “housing bubble” look like a bad dream.

But It Was Supposed To Be A Parody!

In the New York Times today, an article on a Mississippi constitutional amendment on the ballot, which would define personhood as beginning at conception.

The amendment in Mississippi would ban virtually all abortions, including those resulting from rape or incest. It would bar some birth control methods, including IUDs and “morning-after pills” that prevent fertilized eggs from implanting in the uterus. It would also outlaw the destruction of embryos created in laboratories.

It is clear that the impetus behind the issue is religious, not simply because it flies in the face of science (the majority of fertilized eggs don’t make it to birth, so “personhood” is certainly not guaranteed by biology), but because we can hear it in the words of the supporters:

“I view it as transformative,” said Brad Prewitt, a lawyer and executive director of the Yes on 26 campaign, which is named for the Mississippi proposition. “Personhood is bigger than just shutting abortion clinics; it’s an opportunity for people to say that we’re made in the image of God.”

This being the NYTimes, the comments are more coherent than on most sites (I have yet to see the equivalent report on Fox. Can’t wait.). Many bring up, as the logical consequence of this proposed amendment, a scenario very like one I wrote about a while ago. I did already repost it here, but that was before FtB really got going, so I am reposting it after the jump: [Read more…]