Headline Muse, 11/4

Though her story remains just the same
There’s a candidate shirking the blame
He’ll dismiss it because,
Though she’s breaking no laws,
His accuser will not tell her name

Headline: Herman Cain accuser stands by complaint, won’t go public

Why should we listen to someone who won’t even admit her identity? Hmm… why do we insist that a woman open herself up to public excoriation before we take her seriously? Cain’s accuser is already on record; there is no reason to think that knowing her identity adds anything to the accusations.

Let The Finger-Pointing Begin!

Cain blames Perry
Perry Blames Mitt
Mitt gets cautious–
Don’t say shit.
Who told stories?
Cain don’t know.
Bring the popcorn;
Start the show!

Whenever two or more of you are gathered in His name
The odds will rise, the exercise is one of laying blame.

Cain backed off from initial claims that Perry was behind the accusations of sexual harassment. Perry’s people now hint strongly that Romney’s people are behind it.

Just in time; with All My Children off the air, I needed my daily stories.

To Phrase A Coin

The motto is “In God We Trust”;
Display it everywhere, we must!
In doing so, recall, it’s just
A hollow little phrase.
It’s on our money, even though
It lost religion long ago—
Rote repetition made it so
It’s meaningless these days.

If you’re like me, you find it odd
That those who claim to love their god
Would fight to keep this cheap façade,
Especially on money!
But now, in congress, start the fight
To grow the phrase in public sight—
Replacing God with new “God lite”
You must admit, it’s funny

Remember Teddy Roosevelt
Opposed the motto, cos he felt
It sacrilege to put on gelt,
Insulting the creator
But that was then, and this is now;
We’ll push our god; we don’t care how,
With every method we allow.
And jobs? Well, maybe later.

Rant, after jump: [Read more…]

For God And For Country (But Mostly For God)

The chaplains are ready to answer the call
In the guise of supporting our fitness
To breach and dismantle the church-and-state wall
And to act as a born-again witness

And the Head of the chaplains will smile and nod,
For God and for country (but mostly for God)

To protect and defend, you remember the oath,
So there’s no use in getting indignant
But I think I’ve detected a spiritual growth
And I’m worried it might be malignant

A chaplain, who shepherds the men in his squad
For God and for country (but mostly for God)

There’s no cause for worry, no need for alarm
It’s only the damn constitution
And the chaplain, who’s keeping your soul safe from harm
Is the problem, and not the solution

But they’ve been there so long it no longer seems odd
For God and for country (but mostly for God)

The problem is growing, of that there’s no doubt
And the bible does not hold the answer
The simple solution—you cut it right out
Cos that’s what you do with a cancer

It’s a cult, once you see past the shiny façade
For God and for country (but mostly for God)

Two things. Go here and read this. And even more importantly (US Citizens only), go here and sign this. As of this writing, only 376113 (update just after 9PM Eastern)87 (just after 10PM) signatures are needed. You do have to register, but it’s painless, takes only a minute or so, and damn is it a good cause.

Oakland Lullaby

MSNBC anchor: “In Oakland, police fired tear gas to calm down the crowd.”

Hushabye, hushabye, rest your sweet head
The tear gas is fired, the rioters fled,
The bullets are rubber; we’re saving the lead
Hushabye, hushabye, darling…

Hushabye, hushabye, close your sweet eyes
The tear gas would give them a sorry surprise
So looking about you is rather unwise
Hushabye, hushabye, darling…

Hushabye, hushabye, draw down the shades
The darkness approaches, the day softly fades
There’s no need to witness the flash-bang grenades
Hushabye, hushabye, darling…

Hushabye, hushabye, darling, now rest
Sleep like an angel; sleep heaven-blessed
Sleep while your momma is under arrest
Hushabye, hushabye, darling…

Hushabye, hushabye, time now to snooze
Nothing to see here, we’ve turned off the news
So no one can see when policemen abuse
Hushabye, hushabye, darling…

Hushabye, hushabye, here in the dark
No need to worry about folks in the park
It isn’t a fire; it’s only a spark
Hushabye, hushabye, darling…

(Yes, there is a particular tune, but any sleep-starved parent could come up with one equally as good. It’s quiet, gentle, and would put any baby to sleep. Even in Oakland.)

But It Was Supposed To Be A Parody!

In the New York Times today, an article on a Mississippi constitutional amendment on the ballot, which would define personhood as beginning at conception.

The amendment in Mississippi would ban virtually all abortions, including those resulting from rape or incest. It would bar some birth control methods, including IUDs and “morning-after pills” that prevent fertilized eggs from implanting in the uterus. It would also outlaw the destruction of embryos created in laboratories.

It is clear that the impetus behind the issue is religious, not simply because it flies in the face of science (the majority of fertilized eggs don’t make it to birth, so “personhood” is certainly not guaranteed by biology), but because we can hear it in the words of the supporters:

“I view it as transformative,” said Brad Prewitt, a lawyer and executive director of the Yes on 26 campaign, which is named for the Mississippi proposition. “Personhood is bigger than just shutting abortion clinics; it’s an opportunity for people to say that we’re made in the image of God.”

This being the NYTimes, the comments are more coherent than on most sites (I have yet to see the equivalent report on Fox. Can’t wait.). Many bring up, as the logical consequence of this proposed amendment, a scenario very like one I wrote about a while ago. I did already repost it here, but that was before FtB really got going, so I am reposting it after the jump: [Read more…]

Good News, Political Pundits!

The news is bad; a daily bummer
But just when you thought that you’ve never been glummer
A candidate rises who couldn’t be dumber:
His name’s not Joe; He’s not a plumber

He’s one of those guys; he’s one of those faces
That keep popping up in the strangest of places
Like campaign stops and congressional races
He’s ready to run; he’s knotting his laces

He’s qualified—he’s off his rocker—
His name is Sam “Joe” Wurzelbacher
Whom every pundit, fool, and mocker
Had written off (now that’s a shocker!)

In case you think it’s all just funny,
With friends like his, small things like “money”
Are drawn to him like flies to honey
So cheer up, bub! The skies are sunny!

The hero of the middle class,
A pompous, preening, boorish ass—
Rejoice, reporters! Know, alas,
The sad, sad truth: this too, shall pass.

The Perfect Republican Candidate

We’re looking for a candidate
A good and Christian man
We need to win the White House
With God’s help, I think we can

He loves the Constitution
And our freedoms and our laws
With the possible exception
Of one first amendment clause

Cos the freedom of religion
Is for Christians, as a rule
The founding fathers wanted
Christian prayer in public school

A candidate who’s proud to say
That Jesus is his savior
Is so much more important than
That candidate’s behavior

He’s so pro-life, he’s willing to
Amend the constitution
To make sure life’s protected
All the way till execution

He’ll put the Ten Commandments
In each courthouse in the land
A cross on every corner, and
A bible in each hand

The kids will pledge allegiance,
To their flag and to their god
Then time for their devotionals
And every head will nod

It’s possible, just maybe
Such a candidate would please us
And be worthy to be president…
Of the United States of Jesus