Trump’s Plan

Republican stalwarts won’t mention “Convention”
Without saying prayers—at least knocking on wood—
It isn’t supposed to be “open”; they’re hopin’
The voters eliminate Trump, as they should
The problem is, Trump’s an attraction—some fraction
Of GOP voters think Trump is the GOAT
In races where Trump has contested, he’s bested
The party elites (when they’ve split up the vote) [Read more…]

Scalia, Jack Bauer, and Torture

There’s a bomb going off in an hour—Jack Bauer
Must find and disarm it, before we all die
And just ere the clock reaches zero, our hero
Comes through, thanks to torture! And so goes the lie.
In truth, this scenario never—not ever—
Describes what we do, or describes what we find!
The truth stands in stark contradiction to fiction
Excepting, of course, in Scalia’s cold mind. [Read more…]

Questions For Tonight’s Democratic Debate

As I sit here, just off the coast of Maine, I see politicians, minions, reporters and spin-doctors scurrying around the state of New Hampshire, kissing babies, shaking hands, eating lobster rolls and pancakes, and generally tying up traffic. Having already asked questions of the republicans, I now set my sights on the democrats, and a little bit more seriously (and not in verse, sorry). [Read more…]

Why I Will Not Watch Tuesday’s GOP Debate

They took a pile of dog shit,
And they mushed it in a mound,
Till it stood about two inches tall,
Nine inches wide, and round,
They let it sit a while,
Till it dried a little bit,
And it looked a bit like pastry
(Though it through and through was shit)
Then they covered it with frosting
So it seemed a proper cake—
If you hadn’t paid attention,
And you didn’t know it’s fake—
Then they took the pile of dog shit
And they put it on display
And they said “it looks delicious—
Won’t you try a bite today?” [Read more…]