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Category Archive: Pinheads

Feb 27 2014

Bad News From North Carolina: Christian Love Strikes Again

I thought I saw an atheist Among the kids at school Who didn’t understand that, here, The Christian bullies rule You may call it “brave” or “foolish” But she dared to show her face I may have seen an atheist… They put her in her place. I thought I saw an atheist, According to report, …

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Feb 23 2014

The Biblical Justification For Arizona’s Proposed Law

Jesus hated homos, which he says in [find this verse] Yes, he also hated hypocrites, but really, gays are worse So as Arizonans ask themselves just “What would Jesus do?” He’d engage in homophobia, like [look this verse up, too] See, Jesus always made it clear [um, look this up as well] Baking cakes or …

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Feb 22 2014

“The Church Of Self-Worship” (or, “are you faster than a unicorn?”)

You don’t believe in gods or demons, Spirits, souls, or elves— You’ve got to worship something, So it has to be… your selves! You don’t believe in hell or heaven, So I’ve heard you say You say my God is make-believe— To whom, then, do you pray? You look to find life’s meaning With no …

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Feb 17 2014

Natural Experiment On Gun Availability

If you give the people weapons, is this good or is it bad? I suppose it all depends upon their aims Up to now, there’ve been no data, so the arguments we’ve had All rely on someone’s a priori claims “But of course we’d be much safer if most everyone was armed!— Cos the criminals …

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Feb 16 2014

“Sports Chaplains” Hunting Big Olympic Game

I’ve come all the way to Sochi With an overarching goal- I’m not here to win a medal— No, I’m here to save your soul: Have you ever heard the story Of the savior on the cross? Who redeemed us all from sinning Through his sacrifice and loss? I can see it in your eyes—you’re …

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Feb 02 2014

The Templeton Foundation’s Big Bad (Really Bad) Questions

If you’re listening to the voices— Those that no one else can hear, Just a disembodied speaker When no mortal soul is near— If you’re listening to the voices And you think they’re in your head, There’s a Ph.D. with Templeton Who thinks it’s God, instead. If you’re listening to the voices And you know …

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Jan 29 2014

Pissing Off The Atheists

They took the crosses down, that used to stand at City Hall The took the face of Jesus from its place there on the wall They didn’t leave a single thing—they took them, one and all So I’m hatching up a plan to make them pay! You put a cross in your yard, and I’ll …

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Jan 28 2014

“We Assert That Images Of The Spiritual Leaders Of All Religions Should Be Deemed To Be Respectful”

So… if, by law, religious figures Are deserving of respect From the meditating Buddha To the Manson, spittle-flecked, From the image of Mohammed To the memory of Jim Jones, From Joseph Smith to Jesus Christ To dusty relics’ bones From the ancients on Olympus To the modern Kanye West, I’m required to respect them Shall …

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Jan 26 2014

Victoria’s Secret Kicks Out Nursing Mother

When a woman at the mall began behaving, well, parental And she used her breasts to feed her baby boy Some employees of a store that features breasts as ornamental Tried to force her to behave a bit more coy When they lavish them with laces, or with padding supplemental, It’s no Secret that Victoria …

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Jan 17 2014

Pennsylvania Voter ID Law Struck Down

A judge in Pennsylvania Did his utmost to explain: “Ya Gotta let the people vote—and make it easy!” He said “Voting’s fundamental!” And the message that he sent’ll Go a ways to fix a process that’s, well, sleazy. Court Judge Bernard L. McGinley Found the state’s case spread too thinly And the “voter fraud” more …

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