Atheism As A Religion: A Phenomenally Ignorant Book

Y’know what? Fuckit. I was going to write a verse for this one, but it honestly doesn’t deserve one. Not even one of mine (which, I guarantee you, take less time and effort than most). See, my aggregator tells me there is a new book out: Athesim As A Religion: An introduction to the world’s least understood faith. By Mike Dobbins. If you follow the link, you can read an excerpt. If you do not follow the link, you can read the same excerpt here, along with my reaction to that excerpt. Honestly, I would rather you not give them the clicks, but if you have doubts, by all means click through and verify. [Read more...]

“Spiritual Home” Repairs

“Mormonism is my spiritual home,” she says.

“And if I see that my home needs renovations I invest in making it a better place.”

My windows need reglazing
And my plaster has a crack
The attic’s full of hornets—
There’s a big nest in the back—
The bathroom plumbing’s leaky
And I broke a couple stairs
But my home is still my home, and so
I’m making some repairs. [Read more...]

We’re Not Excluding You—We’re Just Not Including You

You haven’t quite heard what we’re saying—we’re praying
We’d let you, but atheists really don’t pray
We call on a spiritual being, but seeing
As atheists don’t, there is nothing to say
We see your complaint as illusion; ”exclusion”
Implies that you once had a chance to be heard
You didn’t. This can’t be excluding—quit brooding! —
An atheist prayer? Why, the thought is absurd!

Are hippos “excluded” from flying? I’m trying
To think of a way that this even makes sense!
An atheist prayer? Oxymoron! Implore on—
Your huffing and puffing is all a pretense!
You’d “pray” to the people who hear you? It’s clear, you
Have no real conception of praying at all!
You’re different from us, no denying—quit trying
To claim the protection of Jefferson’s “wall”! [Read more...]

Armageddon Gets Results; Navy Puts Bibles Back In Hotel Rooms

There’s a war on Christianity
We’re martyrs for a cause!
The seculars are making sure
We’re following the laws!
That’s simply unacceptable,
And so we scream and fuss—
The laws are for the baddies,
So they don’t apply to us!

But Christians in this country
Are oppressed at every turn!
From a lack of state religion,
To the science that we learn!
To the bibles in hotel rooms
So that heathens might be saved—
Watch the power of the atheists…
Wait, what? The Navy caved? [Read more...]

Florida Church Cancels Funeral Of Married Gay Man

“I’m not trying to condemn anyone’s lifestyle…” –T. W. Jenkins, pastor at the New Hope Missionary Baptist Church in Tampa, FL
Translation: “I don’t have to try, after so many decades of practice.”

Julion’s death was expected
He’d been dying a number of years
Still, the end will leave none unaffected
And his husband shed plenty of tears

But the church where he was to be buried
Then found out that the dead man was gay
Worse than that, was the fact he was married
So they turned the man’s husband away

In this church, by this cross, ‘neath this steeple?
It could never be done, can’t you see?
Lest parishioners learn—gays are people
And the church is as wrong as can be [Read more...]

Pastor: “Ebola could solve America’s problems with atheism, homosexuality, sexual promiscuity, pornography and abortion.”

Ebola could deliver us from atheists and gays—
God is doing good, through pestilence and plague—
But don’t you blame the pastor for the horrid things he says;
It’s not bad, you know, so much as it is vague:

He thinks we’ll turn to God, in times of trouble, pain and strife;
“There’s no atheists in foxholes”, so he means
He forgets we have a better way to make a better life
While depending on, not Jesus, but vaccines. [Read more...]