A Good Cartoon

When our local, right wing publication
Shows a doodle that leads to frustration
I’m hopeful, real soon,
That “A Good Cartoon”
Will provide me the proper translation

I should have shared this ages ago; with luck, I’m the last one to this party and you already know about “A Good Cartoon”. You see, the two most thorough newspapers available in Cuttletown are both very right-wing: one in both stories and editorials, the other mostly just in editorials. They both seem to have a contract specifying that they run the most knee-jerk extreme right wing wingnut editorial cartoons. And, dog help me, I am a compulsive cartoon-reader.

So the genius (I say this sincerely, not ironically) behind “A Good Cartoon” is welcome relief. The translations of what the cartoons really mean are just wonderful. (Well, most are wonderful; just enough fall short to remind me that what is being done is not easy.) Take some time, and read back through the cartoons you probably saw first during the presidential campaigns. There is a special deliciousness to those once you no longer have the anxiety of “but this idiot could be President!” lurking around.

If you tend toward right-wing politics yourself, you might enjoy these just for the sheer artistry, but if you tilt to the left, you get both the artistry and a very welcome dose of unabashed liberalism.

“Stand Your Ground” Against Atheist Attacks?

So my aggregator sent me to a site where I expected to find bad arguments about crosses on war memorials. I found them (along with some fascinating descriptions of what atheists are, and what they think).

And then, this disturbing bit:

“Stand Your Ground” isn’t any different when atheists defile Jews/Christians, believing that Due Process will protect them from God’s preeminent power. Likewise, any War Memorial “Stand Your Ground” is equally justified under Jesus’ Principality where the sanctity of life is honored above all others.
Is an atheist better off dead or alive? Good Question. Are atheist “zombies” higher up the food chain than the guilt carried by mortal atheists? How about pagan “zombies” under the pre-supposed command of Osiris, Lucifer or Baal? It doesn’t take much imagination to understand how this psychotic morphology transpired between “atheistic guilt” to digging up graveyards in search of manifested hatred.
If given the chance, would atheists dig up War Memorials looking for reasons to conjure anti-God retribution? Sure!! Wasn’t this their goal all along? Yes it was/is!! Don’t be fooled by atheists; they’re the devil’s spawn bent faithless martyrdom and pagan futility. Morons!!
War Memorials are sacred, and are meant to be defended by God’s infinite power!

If I am translating properly from word salad to English, he is calling for the killing of atheists who would oppose distinctly Christian public war memorials.

I was livid… for a few minutes, until I checked some of his other writing (this, for example: “Why did God create Aliens?”). Now I feel mostly pity for the man. On the other hand… his views don’t come from his autism. They come from his environment. He clearly keeps tabs on lots of media, online and off, and if this leads him to suggest “Stand your ground” responses to the secularization of civic war memorials, then that idea is out there.

The writing is different, but the ideas would be at home on many news commentary sites.

News Site Debates Existence Of Hell. Seriously. In 2012.

I read it just this morning (I will need to make this clear,
But I had to check the calendar to verify the year)
On what claims to be a news site, and a major one, I fear—
They debated the reality of Hell

I thought Hell was merely fiction; just a myth from long ago
An adapted form of Hades, which the Greeks saw down below
For an educated person, this is something you should know
It’s a story that the ancients used to tell

In our modern world, the concept of a Heaven or a Hell
Or creation in a paradise from which our species fell
Is a sign that the believer isn’t thinking very well—
Those are remnants of beliefs from way back when

Or at least that’s how it should be; I was truly shocked to see
In our age of information (and so much of it is free!)
Such an ancient and outdated view—so how, then, could it be
On the home page—yes, today—at CNN?

No, really! Look:

Ah, but on the story’s page itself, the title is a bit less sensationalistic: Different Takes: Should we abandon idea of hell?

(Oh, and given the predictable nature of the comments, I am a bit disappointed in CNN that they didn’t tweak the comments page to read “Abandon all hope, ye who enter”)

Feathered Dinosaurs Are Cool

It seems a consensus on whether the feathers
Of dinosaurs ought to be shown has been reached
Though Hollywood lags in their fictions’ depictions
The scientists know it’s the thing to be… um… teached.
That raptors had plumage is clear now, but hear, now,
The voice of tradition that shows them without—
In movies and books (and museums?) you see ‘em
Bereft of their feathers—what’s that all about?

For some, it’s a nod to Jurassic Park classic,
A bit of tradition—what people expect;
For others, their ignorance slows them, and shows them
An icon surviving through simple neglect.
It’s not that they like things outdated, or hated;
They’d rather be current, I think, as a rule
So, really, a new wave’s approaching, encroaching,
Cos feathers on dinosaurs… really, that’s cool

(context here at io9; cuttlecap tip to Riley Black)

Car Lands On Fucking Mars…See Page 3

The day we land a car on Mars
(oh, yes, it’s not like other cars)
When scientists are having fun,
The talk in schools, or parks, or bars
Is of some skinhead with a gun.

The biggest story has been missed
(not quite—page three contains the gist)
The world ignores the Martian story
Because some white supremacist
Decides to kill, for God and glory.

The best and worst of humankind
Together, in one day, we find,
The cautious steps toward outer space
The prejudice of damaged mind,
Perceiving tribe, or faith, or race. [Read more…]

I Guess I’m Just Too Offensive

Near as I can tell, the good people at Christianpost.com deleted a comment because they didn’t like my verse.

Not my comment, mind you, so I can’t be certain. But I was following links, and have my suspicions. After the jump:

See, this story tells of a terrible tragedy miracle, in which four people died, but one survived.

Hannah Luce, daughter of Teen Mania founder Ron Luce, is continuing to improve as she recovers from a plane crash last Friday. She was the sole survivor among the five on board.

“The fact that Hannah is here with us is a miracle, and while I am overjoyed and so thankful to God that she’s here, I am also deeply saddened at the loss of Austin, Stephen, Garrett and Luke,” Ron Luce wrote Tuesday on his blog. “I can’t even begin to understand the pain their parents are feeling right now.”

It’s a terrible thing. At this point, I would be overjoyed to have my daughter survive, but I can’t quite wrap my head around people other than the parents calling it a miracle, claiming that God had a hand in saving one, without taking any blame for killing the other four. I have no qualms with the parents calling this a miracle–any port in a storm–but the commenters don’t have a stake, and if they are going to claim miracle, they can be expected to have that claim questioned.

And it seems they can and will delete posts that do question this miracle. Including, apparently, one that quoted one of my verses. The verse was about a previous miracle, a case in which a man survived a fall from a skyscraper, with only 10 broken bones (both legs, right arm, multiple ribs, vertebrae). His brother was killed in the accident. Come to think of it, it seems a very similar situation to this current tragedy miracle.

I always found it rather odd
When people think to credit God;
The doctors helped, at least a bit,
The rescue workers didn’t quit,
The strangers there, who saw him fall
And made the first responder call
So many people did so much
But still we see His Holy Touch–
You see, it seems the signs are there
That show this man has seen God’s care:
The shattered ankle, broken shin
The shards of bone that pierce through skin
The massive bleeding in his gut–
Yes, every fracture, every cut–
This is the way that God Above
Displays His omnipresent Love.
And just in case He’s still denied
Remember, this man’s brother died.
Such agony makes Man aware
Of just how precious is God’s care
And when Humanity forgets,
God has a way to hedge His bets:
He’ll find a patsy, just some guy,
Like this Moreno, way up high–
When disbelievers start to scoff
God simply pushes this guy off;
With bleeding, pain, and broken bone,
God shows us that we’re not alone,
With just a little Godly shove,
He gets a chance to prove His Love.