Failed Attempt At Epic Coolness: Giant Hamster-Ball Trip From Miami To Bermuda

There could maybe be some trouble
If you’re running, in a bubble,
From Miami to Bermuda (that’s a thousand miles, plus!)
It’s a fairly silly notion
Ultramarathon-on-ocean
In a hamster-wheel contraption as your private magic bus

High above, the sun is sunning
And you’re running, running, running,
In a tiny little solar powered sauna on the sea
Getting hotter, hotter, hotter
While you’re running out of water
And the middle of the ocean is a nasty place to be

Not quite running, not quite boating
What you mostly are, is floating
On the North Atlantic Current, and you’re going with the flow
First it’s fun, but then, not funny
When your hamster-ball’s too sunny,
Overheating in the tropics is a nasty way to go!

Yeah, so… who among us has not wanted to take a giant inflatable hamster wheel and cross, say, a thousand miles of Atlantic Ocean with it? But Reza Beluchi actually tried it.

The Coast Guard rescued a man Saturday from the Atlantic Ocean after they advised him earlier in the week he did not have enough supplies in his hydro pod bubble vessel to make a trip to Bermuda.

Officers with the Coast Guard 7th District command center received reports Wednesday that the man, Reza Baluchi, was disoriented and asking for directions.

When officers arrived Wednesday, they told him the trip was dangerous and he did not have enough supplies on the floating bubble to sustain him. He only had protein bars, bottled water, a GPS and a satellite phone, according to a Coast Guard news release.

He at first refused assistance from a Coast Guard rescue vessel, but was forced to activate his emergency beacon 3 days later, and was safely rescued earlier today (Saturday). I really hope his insurance is up to date, or that he just happens to be independently wealthy, cos I expect him to owe a substantial pile of money for the trouble he put the Coast Guard to.

Mind you, XKCD had it covered years ago. Actually, twice.

Genius!

It’s time to determine what’s “Genius”—I mean, yes,
The talented people, deserving of grants
MacArthurs, of course—they give dollars to scholars
And artists, and authors, and folks who can dance;
Lawyers, musicians, mathematics, dramatics,
Inventors of this or the other device
Each year, I think “hey—sepielling? No telling!”
Each year, I conclude, “well, it would have been nice” [Read more…]

The Doctor Is In

This was rubbish! This was horrid!
This was brain-insulting stuff!
This was far too complicated
Or, perhaps, not quite enough!
All the writers should be fired,
With about two-thirds the cast
They could never hold a candle
To the folks from seasons past—
Why, I still remember watching
[Insert favorite doctor here]
And [some previous companion]
From the best and greatest year
This new Doctor disappoints me
Most completely, it would seem
(And you mustn’t get me started
On the credits or the theme)

Yes, my utter disappointment
Makes it difficult to speak…
So expect me here, like clockwork,
To complain again next week. [Read more…]

A Modest Proposal For Virginia

As the midnight hour was coming,
As the seconds ticked and tocked,
Same-sex couples in Virginia
Found their new foundations rocked
When the SCOTUS, in their wisdom,
Had their right to marry blocked
Till the justices can weigh in on the fight.

While they’re pondering the problem,
I suggest here’s what they do
To reframe the situation
With a new and different view:
Simply block the right to marry
For the heterosexuals, too,
Then we’ll see if it’s a fundamental right. [Read more…]