Why Brother Smoggy Is A Christian (A Guest Post)

I am delighted to share with you a guest post by friend of good people everywhere Smoggy Batzrubble, beloved of all, member of the Order of the Molly on Pharyngula. Smoggy did send this to PZ for his “Why I am an atheist” series, but since that gives it a less than 1% chance of being posted by Christmas, and since it contains a Christmas poem by Smoggy, I am performing the public service of expediting the delivery of high art. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
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Why I am a Christian, A Conversation with Jesus
Transcribed by Smoggy Batzrubble

(With a Bonus Christmas Rhyme)

Smoggy Batzrubble: Dear Jesus?

Jesus Christ: [sigh] Yes, servant Smoggy?

SB: Dear Jesus, those Hell-bound atheists are baring their tormented
souls on the evil Pharyngula blog, blathering on the theme of ‘Why I
am An Atheist’ to justify their pointless existences and pretend
they’re not terrified of the eternal damnation which awaits them.

JC: And?

SB: And? And… and… and it’s not good enough Jesus! What if some
impressionable young believer gets whiff of the heady haze of heresy
and starts thinking rational thoughts? Can you imagine a world with no
religion, no heaven, no hell below, above us only sky?

JC: Careful Smoggy, you’re getting lyrical. (continues after jump) [Read more…]

Now, This Is A Holiday Tradition I Can Get Behind!

The days have grown shorter; the nights have grown longer—
Our spirits are weaker, and have to grow stronger
We think we’re all right, but we couldn’t be wronger
It’s Christmas—it’s time to beware!
The Krampus is coming—he’s horribly scary!
His job is quite simple; he’s coming to carry
Bad children away, so we’d better be wary
And only go out if you dare!

More, after the jump: [Read more…]

Over My Dead Body

I was listening to NPR the other day (it was brief, and I don’t remember which program it was that I heard a snippet of), and heard a man speak of the death of his mother, which happened many years after he and his siblings had left the Catholic Church. As non-believers, and more importantly, as individuals independent of any faith traditions, he and his siblings were at a loss: what do you do with the body? Not in the sense of “do we just let her lie there and decompose?”, but more in the sense that they had no rituals, no traditions to follow. (More, after the jump:) [Read more…]

Bad Pun Of The Day

I don’t mind eels
Except as meals
And the way they feels
–Ogden Nash

This video shows the favored result of an encounter between an octopus and a moray eel. There are other videos out there that show a different result; you can find those yourself. We are cephalopod people here.

Looks mighty tasty to me.
Eel heaven, eel heaven, eel heaven…

Am I Making Myself Clear?

With a predator beneath you, looking up to see your shadow,
It is good to be transparent, so the light just passes through
But a nearby light’s reflection makes you sparkle like a diamond,
So a darker pigmentation is the better thing to do.
Those are two competing strategies, and mutually exclusive
Each has fatal flaws, so choosing “clear or solid?” is a bitch;
But now Japatella heathi and Onychoteuthis banksii
Have evolved the best of both worlds—in an instant, they can switch!

Story, after the jump: [Read more…]

Edible? Wearable?

An octopus, in all its glory,
Draped about a dress of nori,
Decorates a model in a German fashion show
Chocolate wraps, and masks of fishes
Are these clothes, or are they dishes?
Edible aesthetics for the woman on the go?

From the drawing-board and kettle
Of the Michelin chef Trettl
It was mostly eaten afterwards (not all of it, I note)
Now this fashion-slash-nutrition
Is a photo exhibition
As couture or as cuisine, though, I’m left wondering… is it haute?

More after jump: [Read more…]

The Mermaid In The Hudson

This beautiful site linked to my “eating mermaid” verse today. As a result, I’ve just spent an indeterminable amount of time reading the whole thing–well, up to the present. It updates three times a week, and I can tell I will be wearing out a path to its door. The link up there goes to the first page; follow it. You will find a literal mermaid and one or more figurative cuttlefish, hiding in their ink.

It also looks like they have an entire community commenting, but if I dive in there, I’ll likely never be seen again.

Do me a favor. Don’t sing for me. Don’t tell me you all already knew about this gem, but didn’t tell me. Let me think it was my own discovery. A year or so after I might have.

Oh, Wow. Four Years.

I just noticed that yesterday marked the 4th anniversary of The Digital Cuttlefish going public (I had collected a few of the things I had posted on Pharyngula on the site privately, before figuring “what the hell?”)

I’m still a tiny little cuttlefish in a vast internet ocean, but I honestly never expected to last this long, let alone to have jumped to an actual blogging community. Many thanks to a number of people, including especially those readers whose generosity changed my world in the first year of this blog (you know who you are, and what you did, and I intend to be grateful until I quit breathing), to PZ for over 90% of my traffic, and especially to Kylie who told me to do it in the first place.

I forgot to get a cake, but I think I might have some leftover meatloaf I can stick a candle in.

Happy blog-day to me…
Happy blog-day to me…

(If I finish it, it’s copyright infringement, so to hell with that)

Do Not Taunt The Bionic Monkey

When historians of later years look back, as well they may,
It’s clear the reign of cybermonkeys had its start today
Electrodes let a monkey’s brain control a robot’s arm—
It’s scientific progress! There’s no reason for alarm!

My comment for the scientists: I’m questioning the need
For monkeys that can fling their shit at hypersonic speed
I’m not against technology; that’s not my major fuss;
It’s just… shit-flinging monkeys are already too like us.

Real story, after the jump:
[Read more…]

Major Motion Picture Event

Over at Zingularity, reports of a new major motion picture event–a $150 million dollar retelling of the Noah’s Ark story. I do so hope they go with the “gritty realism” school of movies. If they do, I have the first draft–well, second, I guess, if the bible is the first draft–of their movie all set to go!

Bring popcorn, and meet me after the jump:
[Read more…]