“Spiritual Home” Repairs


“Mormonism is my spiritual home,” she says.

“And if I see that my home needs renovations I invest in making it a better place.”

My windows need reglazing
And my plaster has a crack
The attic’s full of hornets—
There’s a big nest in the back—
The bathroom plumbing’s leaky
And I broke a couple stairs
But my home is still my home, and so
I’m making some repairs.

I’m normally quite handy,
But my house is playing games—
I soldered up my plumbing,
Now my shower shoots out flames!
I fixed a squeaky floorboard
In the middle of the hall,
And looked up, to see the words “Get Out!”
Appearing on the wall

I am told, by helpful neighbors,
I should find another place;
There are houses on the market
Or apartments with some space
Hell, a tent, a yurt, an igloo
Or a geodesic dome
But I want to stay the course, because
My home is still my home

But my house is truly hostile
And it’s telling me to go
In a voice that sounds like demons—
Nasty, menacing, and low
Each attempt I make to fix it
Goes horrendously awry
My home is still my home, but now
I kind of wonder why

Via the Beeb, the story of Kate Kelly, who has been excommunicated from the Mormon church. What horrible sin is she guilty of? Did she set fire to Mitt Romney’s hair? Eat a baby? Drink coffee? Of course not! The Mormon church is her spiritual home, and she loves all the rules.

But if Ms Kelly thinks she’s an obedient Mormon, her Church leadership does not. She was excommunicated in June for founding a campaign to ordain women to the priesthood.

“You know, normally excommunication in our Church is for really grave sins like murder and child abuse,” she says. “I was excommunicated for stating a fact, which is that men and women are not equal in our Church.”

Excommunicated. This is a group that baptizes dead people, so important it is to be certain that, say, Elvis (posthumously baptized into the Mormon church at least 7 times) makes it to his own planet. Or Pope John Paul II (six times). Or both Adolf Hitler and Anne Frank. (Source for these). If you are not in the church, you are not going to heaven.

Kicked out of heaven, for the sin of wanting women to be more involved with the church. It may be admirable that Kelly wants to fix one of the more egregious faults of her spiritual home. But when your home is actively trying to kick you out, it might be time to bulldoze that sucker to the ground and give the ancient burial ground back.

Comments

  1. Alex says

    If your shower shoots out flames
    ‘Tis not maintenance that’s lacking –
    As there’s no repair on earth which tames
    The rampant fracking.

    Just sayin… :)

  2. Cuttlefish says

    Hadn’t really considered the odds, there, Pliny–my own planet, a deathtrap, and with my luck it would get the Pluto treatment as well.

  3. Ed says

    It really is outrageous to kick her out for asking the church to consider something. From what it looks like, she was following the existing rules while doing so. She wasn’t preemptively founding an order of female priests or encouraging people to quit the church if she didn’t get her way. I have a hard time believing that Mormons never ask their leadership for anything.

  4. Alex says

    It really is outrageous to kick her out for asking the church to consider something.

    I’m sure there’s more to it than that. She probably dared to be insistent after some elder told her to bugger off to her first request. You know, being all uppity and annoying?

    @Cuttlefish

    Hadn’t really considered the odds, there, Pliny–my own planet, a deathtrap, and with my luck it would get the Pluto treatment as well.

    Consider yourself lucky if it’s not a gas giant. Although, with the correct boat, that could be really fun. Is there SF about people roaming gas giants with big “air”ships?

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