An Atheist Town Council Prayer »« OUCH!!!

God Is Gonna Do Some Judging…

God is gonna do some judging—
Yes, He’s gonna show His wrath—
As a message that humanity
Has left the righteous path

God is gonna do some judging
And our sins have sealed our fate;
Yes, He’s going to show His visage
Any day now—just you wait!

God is gonna do some judging
And it’s gonna happen soon—
He will set the seas to boiling
Underneath a blood-red moon
He will punish us with torment
For the things we’ve all done wrong
And he’ll start now, any moment…
Well… It shouldn’t be too long.

God is gonna do some judging
So you’d better shape up quick
Cos the things He’s gonna do to you
Will more than make you sick
You’ll suffer, suffer, suffer
As a judgment for your sins—
You’ll regret your life of evil
From the moment He begins!
It’s a torture that’s eternal—
No relief can come from death!—
He’ll be starting… any minute…
Well, I wouldn’t hold my breath.

God is gonna do some judging—
Yes, we’ve heard it all before
God is coming down from Heaven
And he’s kicking down the door
Any second—any minute—
Any month or any year
Any century—millenium—
Yes, God will soon be here!

Cuttlecap tip to Ed, here.

Comments

  1. Al Dente says

    It’s my theory, which is mine, that God has been steadily losing his powers. A few billion thousand years ago he could create an entire universe. Some time later he got pissed at people but instead of recreating the world he had to settle for killing most people in a flood. A while after that he got killed and it took him three days (actually about a day and a half, but who’s counting?) to get all better again. Now God is reduced to showing up on pieces of toast and bird droppings on a car. Old Yahweh just doesn’t have what it takes any more. Vishnu and Allah must be snickering behind Yahweh’s back.

  2. chigau (違う) says

    In Chapter 1, God Creates Everything by merely saying, LET THERE BE…
    By Chapter 2, He is already reduced to playing with dirt.
    Downhill from there.

  3. Menyambal says

    “If you are planting trees, and someone says, ‘The Messiah has arrived!’, keep planting the trees. You will need the wood to build a house.”

  4. grumpyoldfart says

    You won’t be feeling so smug when god sends you blind, and wild animals kill your children, and your crops fail, and you become so hungry you will eat your own sons and daughters. (Leviticus 26:14-39)

    And be warned that it won’t stop until you finally bend your knee and agree that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

  5. busterggi says

    God’s problem is nutritional. A couple thousand years ago he consumed vast amounts of blood & smoke from sacraficed animals, now practically all he gets is the leftover smell of the money his earthly representatives get.

  6. rikitiki says

    Yes, god will come a-smiting
    God will come in fear
    Best look out, you heathen louts
    He’ll be here THIS year

    God will come a-smiting
    That’s one of his traits
    God will come a-smiting
    Just you sit and………………wait

  7. abusedbypenguins says

    busterggi, texas performs several human sacrifices a year in a small room with witnesses. You would think that (Insert name of imaginary deity here) “______” would be pleased with texas, but then it might be worse without the human sacrifices.

  8. busterggi says

    Well Pengy that’s the problem – the human sacrifices are performed in Texas, not the US of A.

  9. Die Anyway says

    I frequently read Cuttlefish poetry out loud to my wife but due to my lack of poesy it usually comes out sounding like Dr. Seuss no matter what rhythm or rhyme or harmony D.C. has used. Today though I was able to get a bit of James Whitcomb Riley into my reading. I hope that’s what D.C. was going for or else I have messed up once again.

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