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Jan 15 2014

“What If You’re Wrong?”

So I was looking at a hilarious church/state violation in the news (might write on it tomorrow, so no spoilers), and after a video played, in the “suggested videos” was prominently displayed a video entitled “what if you’re wrong?”. No, I didn’t even look at it; I’ve seen enough. It’s one version of Pascal’s Wager, and it’s asked as a “gotcha” to atheist speakers (because, of course, they are the only ones who can be wrong). But this time, I heard “what if you’re wrong?” (just that phrase, not the whole thing) to the tune of “I’m a gnu“. So, yeah, this one is not a verse, it’s a song. And, given the tune, it scans wonderfully… so if it does not scan for you, clearly, you are doing it wrong. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)

What if you’re wrong?
What if you’re wrong?
What if the Greeks were right all along?
What if you should have been followin’ Zeus or Apollo, in-
Stead of some carpenter’s son?
What if your praying and kneeling just isn’t appealing
To gods that just wanna have fun?
What if you saw Aphrodite in only her nightie
You still think your faith is so strong?
What if you’re wrong?
What if you’re wrong!

What if you’re wrong?
What if you’re wrong?
What if you hear Heimdallr blow his Ragnarök song?
What if you should have been loadin’ a toast unto Odin,
A flagon of honey-sweet mead?
What if you found, if you say a quick message to Freyja
She’ll give you whatever you need?
What if you stutter and stammer at Thor with his hammer
Who smashes your head like a gong?
What if you’re wrong?
What if you’re wrong!

It’s simple probability—to join, or not to join
It’s the bet you place on black or red; the flipping of a coin
With that little pesky detail—which religion should you join?—
That exposes Pascal’s Wager as a scam
There are gods by tens of thousands; maybe millions; maybe more
Should you offer up a sacrifice, do you say which god it’s for?
And if others might be jealous, is this something to ignore?
True Believers may, themselves, be in a jam!

What if you’re wrong?
What if you’re wrong?
What if both you and the rest of your throng?
What if, of all the gods listed, one only existed,
And that one, no longer believed?
You’re in the church of your father, but god says “why bother?”
And all of your life, you’re deceived?
What if I mess up my timing and force all my rhyming
This impudent verse to prolong?
What if you’re wrong?
What if you’re wrong!

9 comments

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  1. 1
    Markita Lynda—threadrupt

    Priceless! Thank you.

  2. 2
    Al Dente

    Flanders and Swann would be proud of you.

  3. 3
    Tigger_the_Wing, Back home =^_^=

    Brilliant! =^_^=

    But please – link to the original, not the Muppets!

    And in retaliation, you must listen to this as penance!

  4. 4
    Randomfactor

    Atheists choose to believe that if there WERE a god, he’d be nothing like the irredeemably evil being he’s painted as by Christians.

  5. 5
    Cuttlefish

    Tigger–

    A) I am a huge muppets fan!

    B) Thanks for that–amongst other things, I did not know about Flanders’ polio and wheelchair. The little details that challenge assumptions are always worthwhile.

  6. 6
    Pierce R. Butler

    Pascal cast his wager on a roulette wheel with a million slots.

    He must’ve won, because we haven’t seen him around here in a long time.

  7. 7
    Cuttlefish

    Pierce, it doesn’t matter–the odds are fifty-fifty:
    http://freethoughtblogs.com/cuttlefish/2011/06/27/its-all-so-simple-really/

  8. 8
    rq

    The Muppets are awesome!
    And so is this song. :)

  9. 9
    richardelguru

    Tigger, thanks for that link. I (as an Englishman) love that song and of course have a collected F&S, but I’d never ever heard the US version before!
    Wonderful additions, and a geographically lovely change, of “these islands of ours” to “those islands of ours”, for use in furrin parts.

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