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Jul 23 2013

Garbage! (A Happy Dog Song)

My dog was a little bit frisky
As we went for our evening walk
And it might be the moon, or the whisky
But I swear I could hear the pup talk
My pooch wasn’t sleepy, nor hungry
He’s well rested, and recently fed—
Well then what, of all things, was the matter?
And so help me, here’s what my dog said:

Oh, please, can we roll in some garbage?
Can we wallow in filth for a bit?
As an eau-de-toilette, it’s the best you can get
Can we please roll around in some shit?
I love how it feels, the saran wrap and peels,
The aroma of chicken and fish
Oh, please, can we roll in some garbage?
Won’t you please grant your doggie his wish!

Then he smiled and he puckered his eyebrows
Did that thing where he cocks his cute head
He was doing his best to be fetching
But I wasn’t so easily led
So he whined and he wagged, and he wiggled,
But he wasn’t quite making it plain
He could tell that I wasn’t persuaded
So my puppy implored me again:

Oh, please, can we roll in some garbage?
There’s some stinky stuff here on the lawn
And I think I smell skunk, such a wonderful funk
We should hurry, before it’s all gone!
How could anyone think it’s a bad kind of stink?
When it’s all of the things I adore?
Oh, please, can we roll in some garbage?
I won’t ask you for anything more!

He was asking so very politely
With that puppy-dog look in his eyes
So I stopped for a bit and considered
And you know, he deserved a surprise
We were passing some odorous trash bags
When I told him “ok, we can stop”
And I opened a bag and I dumped it,
And we both rolled around in the slop!

Come join us, and roll in some garbage!
In coffee grounds, fish heads, and slime
Squirm around, if you please, in some old moldy cheese
Cos it’s really a wonderful time!
You won’t really know, till you give it a go,
What it’s like to be happy and free
Come join us, and roll in some garbage!
Have fun with my puppy and me!

9 comments

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  1. 1
    rq

    I needed the laugh. Thanks!

  2. 2
    philipelliott

    You make it sound so appealing!

  3. 3
    badgersdaughter

    I looked up from my work and worry and laughed like hell. Thanks :)

  4. 4
    fusilier

    I have this image of The Cuttlepartner waiting at home with a pressurewasher connected to a 55 gallon drum of 10%bleach solution.

    fusilier
    James 2:24

  5. 5
    procrastinator will get an avatar real soon now

    “Can we please roll around in some shit?”
    memories: We had a poodle/schnauzer looking mutt (house dog). Walking across a cow pasture with her and sniff, sniff, sniff at a fresh cow patty and flop on her back into it. Threw her into a stock tank much to the chagrin of the farmer.

  6. 6
    tmscott

    Hey CF,

    Your verse reminded me of my days at a fish hatchery with an old English sheepdog named, “Sherman”, after the tank. When the salmon would come up the river to spawn and die, he would love to roll in the all the dead carcasses on the riverbank. Often, you would see him trotting along with a decaying salmon clinging to his long coat, happy as he could be.

    Unfortunately for Sherman, his favorite time of year meant isolation from his friends and family as he was outcast by adults and children alike until after the first winter floods washed the river clean again. Then the pater familis would have to don a gas mask and take a pair of sheep shears to Sherman, and he was welcomed back into the family.

  7. 7
    Cuttlefish

    For me, this verse hearkens back three dogs ago, when we had a long-haired mutt on the shores of Lake Erie. This meant plenty of dead carp to roll around in; she rolled in rabbit and squirrel carcasses for more formal occasions, though.

  8. 8
    memehunter

    Seriously, I’ve read that it’s an instinctive pursuit to reabsprb certain needed vitamins and minerals that are often dumped out in excrement. For the same reason some animals will eat other animals’ poop–my dog used to do that–or rub it on their skin. Considering what women will smear on their faces in pursuit of becoming more beautiful, we should not condemn canines’ cavorting in crud.

  9. 9
    memehunter

    Sorry–”reabsorb”.

  1. 10
    National Dog Day » The Digital Cuttlefish

    […] sort of dog verse (doggerel?) I could dig up. I’ve written quite a few doggy things, from celebrations of rolling in garbage, to wedding weirdness, to religious metaphors, to sirius serious science… and a verse that is […]

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