Feb 11 2013

The Pope Is Stepping Down

So in his honor, a verse that speculates on what really goes on in the college of cardinals as they go about the business of selecting a new guy to wear the funny hat:

We struggle in vain to distinguish a Mass
From your typical Zombie behavior
As they guzzle down red by the bottle or glass
And delight in Filet of Our Savior.

Perhaps it’s a matter of what’s on the menu;
Your Catholic is more of a snacker,
But if you feel teeth on your shoulder, why, then you
Know zombies want more than a cracker.

When Jesus said “This is my blood that you drink,
And this is my body you eat”
Did something he knew of their tastes make him think
They were zombies, and lusting for meat?

Did the Catholic Church, from the time of Saint Peter,
Rejoice in the words that he said,
And at least once a week, become Zombie flesh-eater
And feast upon Jesus Undead?

I worry it’s some sort of slippery slope
Where they struggle ‘gainst gravity’s chains
And I wonder if Ratzinger got to be Pope
By eating the Cardinals’ brains.

Image by the wonderful Jessica Hagy.


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  1. 1
    Carol Lynn

    Applause! Day-yam that’s good.

  2. 2

    By happy coincidence, yesterday I posted to my blog some photos of the cardinals that visit my feeders, and I titled the post “College of Cardinals.” Maye one small benefit to this horrible man having served as pope (and finally resigning) is that there might be a temporary bump the traffic to my little blog.

    My first reaction to the news of his resignation: “Coward.” The kitchen is getting too hot for him.

  3. 3
    Linda Grilli Calhoun

    This reminds me of the statement made in his autobiography, of the most wonderful American humorist Don Marquis, that while others said they didn’t believe in transubstantiation, his problem was that he did believe it, and it was repulsive. L

  4. 4

    The filthy bastard ought to be in jail, not living in luxury.

    Fuckers. Just fuckers.

    Your friend,

    Janice in Toronto

  5. 5
    Johnny Vector

    @janiceintoronto: Tim Minchin beat you to it…

  6. 6

    Pope resigns to spend more time with his family…

  7. 7
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    Bwahahaha! Excellent as always.

  8. 8

    Mostly I lurk hereabouts, but I have to appear to say: That’s some of your best Cuttleverse yet. Brava! Bravisssima!

  9. 9
    Jammy Jams

    The Pope suffered for his religion as God’s-top-man-on-Earth for only 8 years….an broke the record set by Jesus!

  10. 10

    I read that he also deserted from the German army. Could this be a pattern?

  11. 11
    Crudely Wrott

    As I posted elsewhere earlier today:

    . . . he claims weariness. If I was in his Pradas I’d be weary too.

  12. 12
    Darth Marmalade

    Prada? The Pope doesn’t buy off the rack. Those shoes are bespoke.

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