That’s right, I’m withdrawing my support for Fred Karger and throwing my support to Mittens Romney*! I’ve even written him a campaign song… after the jump:

He’ll never use a compass
When a weathervane will do;
You can check his past directions
For the way the wind once blew
There’s no permanent position
Which, for money, he won’t bend
To the will of corporations
Cos they’re people too, my friend!

It’s time we had a president
Who will not stand for shit—
So strap your dog to the roof of your car
And let’s hit the road for Mitt!

He passed a law for health care
Which of course he now regrets
He likes to prove his honor
With ten-thousand dollar bets
Abortion is an evil, which
Good people should abhor
In utter contradiction of
The stand he took before!

It’s time we had a president
Who will not stand for shit—
So strap your dog to the roof of your car
And let’s hit the road for Mitt!

Bridge:
Oh beautiful for spacious skies
For amber waves of grain
For candidates who can’t recall
Which years they worked at Bain

His piercing eyes, his shining teeth,
His perfect, manly hair
His mainstream Christian values
And his magic underwear
He’s earned my admiration
Though it strains my common sense—
For taking strong positions, but
On both sides of the fence!

It’s time we had a president
Who will not stand for shit—
So strap your dog to the roof of your car
And let’s hit the road for Mitt!

*No, not really. (But I do wonder if the title of my post might get this accidentally promoted… last time that happened, it was the Enzyte people.)