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Apr 11 2012

God Backs Loser. Again.

When God says “run”, you must obey;
There cannot be another way.
The voters speak, and so it goes:
“Dieu propose et l’homme dispose”

Long (well, not that long), involved (fairly straightforward, actually) rant (ok, there you speak the truth, so long as ranting can include quotes from Shakespeare) after the jump:

At current count, 4 and a half of God’s choices are out of the running. Herman Cain, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, and Michelle Bachmann each ran because God told them to (Tim Pawlenty’s campaign manager said God told him to get Pawlenty elected). This does not include the second- and third-tier candidates; I would be flabbergasted if their inclusion did not at least triple the list.

As flies to wanton boys are we to th’ gods,
They kill us for their sport.

(Lear, IV. i. 36-37)

Well, not kill; rather, nominate to fight to the death campaign against one another. But if God’s behind it, no good can come of it. They couldn’t all have won, of course–but they certainly could all lose. Maybe God is betting short on the human futures market.

Or maybe… I read just this morning that Mormonism is not a Christian religion. Not from some fire-and-brimstone born-agains, either–these are conservative Catholics warning us. Maybe the 2012 primary season is telling us that the Mormons are right. (yeah, yeah, ignore Huntsman for a bit…like the Irishman who is considered sober so long as he can cling to a single blade of grass and not fall from the face of the earth, Huntsman could be considered religious despite accepting evolution, global warming, and an earth older than my grand-dad. In other words, he’s part of the tribe, we’ll forgive his faults.) Where was I? Oh, yeah, the Mormons are right, Christianity is a false religion, God is dead, we all get planets of our own when we die, and we are more convinced than ever that Obama can’t possibly be a Christian. (Wait, what? yeah, it’s all at the most recent link.)

Near as I can figure it… Obama is leading in the polls. If he were leading in the polls because he is a good Christian, then Santorum would be the Republican candidate. Or Cain, or Bachmann, or Perry. Since they are not, clearly God is martyring himself (what, again?!?), and deliberately losing. If Obama wins while God Himself has chosen to lose, Obama must clearly be a Muslim socialist atheist communist left-wing radical follower of Reverend Wright.

My head hurts.

3 comments

  1. 1
    Anthony K

    I keep re-reading the headline as “God Beck’s ‘Loser’. Again.” and thinking, Why not? Still an awesome song.

    And somehow that’s not nearly as absurd as the current political reality of both the US and Canada.

  2. 2
    lordshipmayhem

    God must be a Leafs fan.

  3. 3
    Die Anyway

    If God, the almighty creator and ruler of the universe, tells you to run for POTUS, shouldn’t you stay in ’til the bitter end? Seems as if a few of those believers are not “true believers”.

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