Some things are just too good to be true. Eternal Earthbound Pets, it seems, was one of them.
All the sordid details, after the jump:
The day the rapture sweeps the land,
And plucks up true believers,
Among those heathens Left Behind
Are Labrador Retrievers
No Saint Bernard will make the trip
Nor Cockapoo, nor Hound;
The Lord may be my shepherd,
But my Shepherd stays aground.
No Poodles, Pugs, or Pekingese;
No ifs or ands or buts—
The rapture takes God’s faithful,
But it doesn’t take the mutts.
Believers who are worried for
The welfare of their pets
Are offered, now, an answer
If they’d like to place their bets.
“Eternal Earthbound Pets” exists
To serve those Left Behind;
It’s rapture pet insurance, if
Believers are inclined.
Of course, not all believers think
Their pets will all be lost;
Their pets may go to Heaven, too
(Thus saving them the cost)
And Fido sits beside them, cos
In Heaven, all is well;
Together, they can laugh and spit
At sufferers in Hell.
Alas, it was all a hoax:
The owner of a business who claimed he would provide atheist rescuers for Christians’ pets left behind in the Rapture now says his service was an elaborate hoax and never had any clients.
That’s right, no clients at all, ever.
“Eternal Earth-Bound Pets employs no paid rescuers,” Bart Centre wrote in a blog post on March 16. “It has no clients. It has never issued a service certificate. It has accepted no service contract applications nor received any payments — not a single dollar — in the almost three years of its existence.”
The bad news is, people will howl “fraud!” over this, though a total of zero people lost money. How much money went Harold Camping’s way?
Bart Centre is doing it wrong, apparently.