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The Endangered Twinkie

If the living undead
Have your thoughts filled with dread
And you’re seeking a morsel of heaven
Well, the people who make
All that spongy, filled cake
Have just filed for chapter eleven!

Yes, for some, dreadful news
And they’re singing the blues,
But some info is poorly construed
See, this cream-filling log,
On the NPR blog,
Has been categorized under “food”!

Yes, NPR is reporting that Hostess Brands Inc. is filing for chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Now, I haven’t eaten any of their products in years–perhaps decades–but think of them fondly, in the same way I think of avocado-colored kitchen appliances, greasy-spoon diners and curling linoleum, as icons of my early memories.

Michael Pollan would, of course, not call Twinkies a food at all, but a food-like substance. One could wish that the decline of Hostess might be blamed on a new health-conscious attitude; that is one of the company’s claims. But I don’t think whole-wheat twinkies will sell. If they are to survive, how will they be re-framed? Collector’s items? Zombie insurance?

I think the GOP candidates need to put out the word that Twinkies are patriotic. Eat them at every photo op, sign them for supporters, use them as props to evoke that nostalgia for a better, more simpler time. Plus, it could come in handy to explain some of their behavior.

Comments

  1. lordshipmayhem says

    in the same way I think of … curling linoleum, as icons of my early memories.

    See, that’s your problem right there. Most people usually go curling on sheets of ice, not linoleum.

    :P

  2. Squiddhartha says

    I had a girlfriend who had a great term for the sort of thing that Twinkies and other nominally edible artificial items are made of: “food polymer.”

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