Headline Muse, 10/29 »« The End Of “The End Of The World”

Eating Mermaid

A fish connoisseur made paella with Mermaid;
He thought the aroma was nice.
With garnish of seaweed (his sycophants “oui-oui-ed”)
And saffron infusing the rice.
He clarified butter, and started to mutter
“It tastes like it’s really Mazola”
Then added blue cheeses: “the trick, if you please, is—
With Gorgon, you need gorgonzola!”
With minimum bluster, he gutted and trussed her;
You see, in his studies, he’d learned
That the delicate features of mermaid-like creatures,
If left unattended, get burned.
The succulent breast of (as well as the rest of)
The meal, would make proud its creator;
I was told that one bite would bring utter delight,
And I could not refuse… so I ate her.

Originally, I wrote this when I learned that there was a fatwa against eating mermaid. I shit you not. Today, I was simply reminded of the verse, because I am doing a bit of cooking, and an excellent Stilton got me thinking of blue cheeses. Besides, I can’t let Physioprof be the only one on FtB who posts about food.

Comments

  1. Kylie Sturgess says

    Ooooh cheese. On pizza crust…

    We have to meet somewhere again and just eat food. Nothing else.

  2. geocatherder says

    Blue cheese on pizza crust? Doesn’t work for me. With mermaid, though, it might work beautifully.

  3. Cuttlefish says

    Actually, Bulgarian white cheese on pizza crust. Like feta, but creamier and just incredibly wonderful on pizza crust.

    But yes, blue cheese with mermaid.

  4. says

    Eating mermaid is a bad idea, as portrayed in Rumiko Takahashi’s Mermaid Saga, originally a manga and later made into an anime. If you’re one of the rare lucky ones eating mermaid flesh makes you immortal. Usually it just kills you. The really unlucky ones become monsters.

  5. Joan says

    It’s great that you site
    This gourmet delight,
    Which of course is cooked
    After you catch ‘em.
    I’m wondering though,
    Cause I don’t really know
    Of the best bait one uses
    To fetch em.

    Are those with no feet
    Attracted to meat
    From four footed ones
    On the shore?
    Or could fancy cheeses
    Be prize bait that pleases,
    All foodstuffs that humans adore?

    Do Mermaids eat dishes
    Of much smaller fishes
    Or filet the ones all full-grown?
    Poor species divided
    Decision two sided
    But one avoids their eating their own

  6. David says

    The tricky bit is that the fishy part shouldn’t be overcooked, and should just flake with a fork. But the mammal bits need to be brought to an internal temperature of 170 F, measured by meat thermometer stuck into a thick part of the thigh. Oh, wait…

  7. Joan says

    Ooops. Sorry. That should read “cite”, not “site”. My brain is as fuzzy tonight as my eyesight. If they ever invent a spell checker for homonyms, I would pay dearly for it.

  8. Thinker says

    My appetite’s whet, I will rush out and get
    Us some mermaid, and then we shall dine!
    But I stop in my tracks, perplexed to the max,
    For what is right choice of wine?

    Such a one-of-a-kind must be properly wined
    But the experts I ask give me zilch
    (well, except funny looks). And there’s naught in my books.
    I rule out, as a start, Liebfraumilch.

    Is the best siren song just a Sauvignon Blanc?
    Pinot Grigio? Soave? Traminer?
    Would she pair with Sancerre or an Entre-Deux-Mers
    Or an Austrian Grüner Veltliner?

    Would her flavors combine with a Riesling from Rhine,
    Would they clash with Retsinas’ aromas?
    Tell me how can I know if she’s best with Meursault,
    Or with one of the better Sonomas?

    When the Aussies then say “Semillon Chardonnay”
    The New Zealanders “Marlborough White”,
    Oregonians “Willamette”, I’m frustrated, dammit!
    Can’t anyone tell me what’s right?

    Will the dinner succeed if Loired or Chablis-ed?
    Or should our meal be Champagned?

    In the end, you will find, I’ve gone out of my mind.
    … and thus is the fatwa explained.

  9. Joan says

    Thinker, that was just brilliant! But still, for those still planning on ignoring the fatwa…

    Here are menus galore
    Adding wines, even more
    But the main dish is still up to fate
    Cause in all these fine poems
    Still no answer to Joan’s.
    Catching Mermaids?
    What’s useful for bait?

  10. HP says

    Joan,

    To capture a mermaid (half fish and half human),
    It’s best to proceed on her terms.
    Dress nice, be polite, show respect for her views, and
    Be sure to bring plenty of worms.

  11. changeable moniker says

    The Hollywood version,
    whilst loving immersion,
    still pines for some bloke on the sand.
    A prince who’s called Eric.
    A marriage! A cleric!
    A life on the constant dry land.
    (Dry land!)
    She pines for a life on dry land.

    But a tentacled witch,
    with a power-crazed itch,
    has her making a terrible choice.
    To be with her loved one,
    and live as a human,
    she must give up her beautiful voice!
    (Her voice!)
    She must give up her beautiful voice.

    Oh, now, there is intrigue,
    there’s chaos and misdeed,
    there’s subterfuge, danger, and plot.
    (And some pans.)

    But in the end, all’s well
    that floats in the great swell
    of inter-specific love stories of old.
    (And the tallest of tall tales are endlessly told.)

  12. says

    Mermaids!

    Oh, you must must must check out the Sailor Twain comic!

    Actually it’s a charcoal-drawn graphic novel that’s due to be released in a year or so, but the artist has been posting pages online thrice a week for more than a year. I’ve been reading it nearly that long. A compelling tale, and no one’s been eaten – yet anyway.

    http://sailortwain.com/

    BTW, it’s set on the Hudson River.

  13. Joan says

    To Thinker and H.P. and Changeable M.,
    Who have filled Cuttle’s thread with your riches,
    In comments I’m gazing at talents amazing.
    Your verses have left me in stitches.

    Still just as with Cuttle, I’m left in a muddle.
    Can’t click on the author of verse.
    Cause Cuttle might seem to have passed on the gene
    Of his secret identity curse.

    Still, I can’t complain, as I’m doing the same.
    Don’t do Facebook and haven’t a blog.
    With surname released, versifying might cease.
    In the works, that is one major cog.

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