Jennifer, Jennifer

Ok, that last Headline Muse was mostly to set up this one, from the old blog. The pope seems to be responding to the social situation in Spain–maybe the sacred and the mundane selection pressures are causing the church to evolve… anyway, the real world is where the effects are felt.

Jennifer, Jennifer, got herself pregnant,
The poor, irresponsible slut.
See, boys will be boys, so it’s up to the girls
To be moral, and keep their legs shut.
But Jennifer, Jennifer, couldn’t be bothered;
She led her young Billy astray.
They met, after classes, at Jennifer’s house,
And now there’s a kid on the way.

Jennifer, Jennifer, wants an abortion—
She says she’s too young for a baby—
But the law of the land says abortion is murder;
The answer is no, and not maybe.
See, murder is murder; we cannot condone
The destruction of innocent life.
And Billy, of course, is an innocent, too,
And he’s much, much too young for a wife.

So Jennifer, Jennifer, finds herself caught
In the view of a watchful Big Brother,
And Country and Church have a task on their hands—
How to keep the babe safe from its mother.
If murder is murder, for fetus or child,
Then surely assault is assault;
A fetus is damaged by drinking or smoking,
And all of it, Jennifer’s fault.

If Jennifer, Jennifer, falls down the stairs
Then the baby inside could be harmed;
And since that poor child is a ward of the state
It is right we should all be alarmed!
So Jennifer, Jennifer, needs to be safe
For the sake of the babe in her womb;
To keep the poor innocent safe from all harm,
Let’s keep Jennifer locked in her room.

But Jennifer, Jennifer, isn’t the first
Nor the last to be pregnant, you see.
The task that’s before us—protecting our children—
Is crucial, I think you’ll agree.
With the passing to law of my modest proposal,
I honestly think we’ll prevail.
It’s simple: Each woman who finds herself pregnant
Must spend the next nine months in jail.

Jennifer, Jennifer, shielded from harm
In a cell with a toilet and cot
With a closed-circuit camera, an unblinking eye,
For the safety of Jennifer’s tot.
When at last you deliver your new baby boy
We’ll whisk you right out through the door;
We care about kids while they’re inside your womb—
Once they’re out, we don’t care any more.

…

And Jennifer, Jennifer, can’t find her Billy—
Besides, he’s too young for a wife—
She weighs her alternatives, looks down each road…
And reluctantly takes her own life.

And the church says a prayer for the baby unborn
And a heartfelt and tearful farewell.
But Jennifer, Jennifer, so says the church,
Will be heading directly to hell.

Welcome To New Hampshire. Now Go Home.

Headline: Perry to child on creationism vs. evolution: “You’re smart enough to figure out which is right.”

This dodge, as delivered by Perry, was very
Politically minded; I’m sure he was proud.
“Teach both” the man weaseled, “with pride—you decide”
The remarkable thing is, he said it out loud.
He probably thinks he beguiled a child;
The truth is, he made himself look like an ass;
The GOP base’s defiance of science
Makes heroes of morons who can’t pass a class.

The Granite State voters allow you to value
Your personal faith, if it’s kept to yourself
But if a biology textbook’s the next book
Your faith says the nation must ban from the shelf,
New Hampshire will send your ass packing, for lacking
The qualifications required to lead;
So drive yourself back, in your Lexus, to Texas
To people who might want to help you secede.

(The title of this post is stolen from my favorite bumper sticker; if you like it, they are available.)

Ring Around The Coffee

In science labs and coffee shops
It can’t be helped; some liquid drops
On floor or table.
And as these spills evaporate
On table, napkin, floor or plate
The stuff’s unstable
When coffee dries, it forms a ring
Around its edge—but here’s the thing
We didn’t know—
See, other liquids just dry flat,
Without a ring. But why is that?
And off we go.
The scientists at U. of Penn
Perhaps were drinking coffee, when
They first surmised,
A detail that, before, escaped—
It’s how the particles were shaped
As well as sized.
And coffee’s little, tiny spheres
Flow edge-ward, while a rod adheres
And keeps to center
The little rods deform the drop
And should they try to move, it’s “stop!”
And “do not enter!”

So, anyway, it’s cool. They think
It might be used in paint or ink
For better printing.
With smoother drying, now each letter
Holds its shape and color better—
No more squinting!
The other thing is, through these studies
The particles are seen as buddies,
Fun little critters
We play each morning, our little game
I drink them down; they get the blame
For morning jitters.

Via NPR, a story on the physical properties of coffee rings. This is one of the things I love about scientists. I must have looked at coffee rings thousands of times, and perhaps even noticed that the stain concentrates at the edges of drops. In fact, I am certain I have noticed this, because I thought it looked like an exaggerated Mach Band–the visual perception effect that accentuates edges, as a result of the lateral inhibition of retinal cells. (Maybe I’ll write about that some other time.)

But anyway, these people looked at the stain, and instead of reaching for a sponge, uttered those wonderful scientific words “huh. that’s strange. I wonder….” or words to that effect. And now, we have an answer.

Of course, for me, just as much fun as the physical science of the particles, is the human science of the commenters at the NPR story page. We can predict (and find) the comment we find on every science study: “our tax dollars pay for this?”, others decry the triviality of the topic. But, this being NPR, we get others who (and I would never have made this connection, so kudos to the commenters) draw a connection between this and perhaps the early formation of cells, with some particles migrating to edges (eventually, cell walls) through purely physical processes.

Lastly, something completely orthogonal to practical use–whether worthless or priceless or something between… turns out the process is beautiful, when you look at it just right (viddy link–or look below).

Keep An Open Mind!

I’m playing channel roulette, watching two shows and trying to see which one is more annoying. One, of course, is ABC’s Primetime: Nightline show on psychics; the other is National Geographic’s documentary on “pint-sized preachers”. Between the two of them, I am reminded often of how important it is to keep an open mind. Important, that is, if snake-oil peddlers are going to make a living. So I thought I’d repost this very old piece from the old blog…
*****

I wonder sometimes, why it is that the people who tell me to “keep an open mind” have theirs utterly closed to the possibility that they might be wrong. An open mind, of course, is willing to follow the available evidence, even if it disagrees with one’s assumptions. An open mind is not one that keeps an issue open after every bit of information says “case closed.” But of course, as I have heard it most frequently, “keep an open mind” is used as a synonym for “agree with me!”

An open window can be a good thing, but a window which cannot be closed is just a hole in your wall. There are times when it is ok to shut the window. You can always open it up again if the evidence says you should.

Anyway, today’s verse:

They told me “keep an open mind,
And you will see—the world’s designed,
And everything that’s in it.
The folks who say mutation’s random?
Open-minded folks can’t stand ‘em
Even for a minute!
You see the touch of God each day
In every strand of DNA
Unless your mind is closed;
When looking at genetic blueprints
Clearly, there are You-Know-Who-prints
For those so predisposed.”

I told them “really, no offense…
I’ll need to see some evidence.”

They told me “keep an open mind,
And never heed the double blind
Experiments of science;
The open-minded person knows
You cannot trust what science shows—
The truth is in defiance!
It’s science that is always changing;
Scientists keep rearranging—
How could it be true?
So put your trust in common thought,
Which needs no facts at all—well, not
In my considered view.”

I told them “that’s a lame pretense…
I’m waiting for your evidence.”

They told me “keep an open mind
While we stick pins in your behind
To fix your aching head;
We’ve got to re-align your back—
Don’t be alarmed to hear a crack
Or have some herbs instead!
Now take a draught of this solution,
Infinite in its dilution,
(That’s what makes it strong!)
So many cures that fit your Karma,
Hard to see just how Big Pharma
Always gets it wrong.”

I told them “you may not commence
Until you show me evidence!”

They told me “keep an open mind—
Our brainwaves, if they’re all combined,
Can lead to lasting peace;
And simply wishing hard enough
Brings health and love and other stuff,
They’ve known since Ancient Greece!
The figure of the Oracle
Was not just allegorical—
It works! Just take a look!
The truth is, if you wish and pray,
It might just happen, come some day—
And Oprah likes the book!”

I told them “here are my two cents—
Please wish and pray for evidence.”

They told me “keep an open mind;
Though in this lifetime you’re confined
Within your mortal part,
In death you find a pure release
And living on in love and peace,
The you inside your heart,
You’ll leave behind this thin façade
To gaze upon the face of God
If, meekly, you submit;
Each death, each illness is God’s will
You can’t reach Heaven’s gate until
The mortal world you quit.”

I told them “such a moral sense!
If only you had evidence!”

She told me “keep an open mind,
And while our bodies are entwined
Our energies commingle.
Don’t roll your eyes, I do implore;
I speak, of course, in metaphor–
And by the way, I’m single.”
From one to ten? She’s my eleven;
Better than some made-up heaven,
Wondrously mundane!
And best of all, I think you’ll find,
Much better than an “open mind”
She keeps a working brain.

Headline News, Mabus Edition

As folks ‘round the world can attest
Some time out for Mabus was best
So they pulled out all stops,
Spammed the Montreal cops—
Now, at last, he is under arrest.

Headline: Montreal police make arrest in “Mabus” case on online death threats

If he is mentally ill, I hope he gets the help he needs. If he is not, he has done a damned fine imitation, and as happens when you play with fire, will get burned.

I’ve seen a few people here and there argue that we should not assume he is mentally ill. And of course, internet psychiatric diagnostics are best left to nobody. But his language has crossed lines–not dim and fuzzy lines, but bright and clear lines.

This will be an interesting case to follow.

Headline Muse, 8/17

Though it’s rare, still they try to prepare ya
Cos it’s real and not simply hysteria
This amoeba—this strain—
Likes to munch on your brain
So it’s best to beware of Naegleria!

Headline: Brain-eating amoebas blamed in three deaths

Three deaths so far this year—in Louisiana, Florida, and Virginia—are blamed on a freshwater amoeba. Given the hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of swimmers trying to beat this summer’s deadly heat, this headline isn’t at all sensationalistic. No sir. Not this one. Conservatively, a tenth of the number dead from bee stings (probably less, but bee sting deaths are a hazy statistic, being rare enough we don’t tend to worry about them), brain-eating amoeba have a better public relations agent.

Defending DOMA (For Fame And Fortune)

This is from the old blog, but thanks to the political cycle, it’s absolutely current.

In the constant chase for headlines
Given fast-approaching deadlines
Politicians fight each other for the top spot on the news
In this rough-and-tumble scrimmage
As they fight to hone their image
Some conservatives may think they’ve found an issue they can use

It’s that goddamn gay agenda
The republicans expend a
Lot of energy in fighting, as they pander to their base
If a legal stance looks funny
Often, following the money
Shows the underlying logic (as, of course, the present case)

In this mess, if you’re litigious
Then you’re probably religious
And it’s blasphemous that marriage should be offered up to gays
And republicans get boners
Over big financial donors
(If the dollars were sufficient, why, I’m sure they’d swing both ways)

It’s a match that’s made in heaven
For Two Thousand and Eleven
As the campaign is upon us and we’re choosing sides, of course
Let the Democrats disparage
Us, we’re standing up for marriage!
It’s a sacred institution… like Republican divorce!

NPR’s Morning Edition reports on the political posturing surrounding the Obama administration’s decision not to defend the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Conservative Republicans are on the wrong side of history here, but it looks like they are hoping they are on the right side of their own base. I’ve argued over marriage issues for years, and have never yet found an objection to same-sex marriage that did not boil down to a religious view. From my perspective, then, it comes down to a First Amendment issue: if the government takes a stand opposing same-sex marriage, it favors one religious view over others.

It’s not a matter of what is good for the children. My lesbian neighbors have raised a fine son, despite not being recognized as a real family; real concern for the well-being of children would lead to support for gay families. It’s not that marriage is designed to promote procreation; my sister-in-law is hoping for her third childless marriage. Since she is heterosexual, no one has a problem with that–least of all, the Republican front-runners, who [as of the writing of this verse] sport more ex-wives than candidates.

It’s not even freedom of religion. There are a good many churches that recognize, welcome, and celebrate same-sex marriages. These conservative Republicans would want these churches overruled.

No, it’s money. There is money to be had by fighting on the wrong side of this battle. If that money can keep a handful of politicians in the headlines for a bit longer, they can keep the positions of power they hold. When they eventually are swept aside, that same money will be available for speeches and appearances. Ex-senators and ex-representatives will make more for one speech than I do in a year, railing against the moral decline of civilization.

Meh. I’ll take that, if I can go to my neighbors’ wedding.

2-3 AM (TMI)

The alarm clock is unwelcome, with its loud, insistent tone
I’d throw it out the window, but it’s otherwise my phone
The household’s sleeping soundly; I’m awake and I’m alone
At 2 AM
The world is strangely silent, with the birdsong not begun
The waning moon is setting and it’s hours before the sun
There’s lots of work ahead of me; I’d better get it done
At 2 AM
I turn to the computer, cos I’m kind of in a bind
I’m desperate for distraction at the moment, and I find
That composing this is slowly, surely, waking up my mind
At 2 fifteen
There’s a vile-tasting liquid, and I’ve got to drink a glass
Cos they’re going to take a mini-cam and run it up my ass
As I taste the horrid sweetness, I’m assured “this too shall pass”
At 2 fifteen
Now I’ve tossed aside the blanket and I’ve dimmered on one light
And my body senses laxative and knows it isn’t right
And the lemonade-detergent won’t go down without a fight
At half past two
One glass down, and then another, now to work on number three
I can think of many places, many times, I’d rather be
But it’s part of turning fifty, so I’m lucky, can’t you see?
At half past two
I have lived for fifty years now, on this planet I adore
If I’m careful and I’m lucky, I could live for fifty more
It’s a simple motivation, as I contemplate glass four
At half past two
It’s the final glass of medicine, and then it’s to the sink
Cos there’s still a lot of water that they’re gonna make me drink
But it’s quiet, oh so quiet, so it gives me time to think
At 2:45
But thinking keeps me busy, till the nasty part is through
I guess that’s why I wrote it, and why I’ll share with you
But I think it’s time to post this, cos there’s stuff I gotta do
At 2:45

(Written from 2:15 through 3:10 AM. So, not exactly accurate, but close enough.)