I don’t believe in testing drugs
On poms or poodles, pits or pugs;
Those scientists are merely thugs
To do the things they do.
I feel, in no uncertain terms,
Protective of the slugs and worms;
In fact, the new resistant germs
Deserve protection too.
I cherish every living thing
Despite diseases they might bring
To life—all life—I fiercely cling
And each gets equal weight
And so of course, I think it best
To halt this sort of horrid test
(I’ve got my health—as for the rest,
Well, that’s the hand of fate)
Bacteria are living, too
And thus deserving, in my view
Of shielding from the folks, like you,
Who say they merit killin’
So I’ll stand up as one who fights
For every living being’s rights
Next up, I’ve got to set my sights
On banning penicillin.
Inspired by the comments on this thread. The above verse is, of course, a strawman; this comment has a much more nuanced view, which I endorse. Of course, given Cuttleson’s diabetes, I have an interest in animal testing, and my priorities are clear.