Happy Donut Day!

Let us raise our voice in chorus
For that deep-fried, doughy torus
Though it’s not the best thing for us
It’s a super special treat

Found in bakeries or delis,
Dipped in sugars, filled with jellies,
We can stuff them in our bellies
Just as fast as we can eat

And it’s Donuts, Donuts, Donuts, and Hooray, Hooray, Hooray!
So let’s all go out and go nuts, saying Happy Donut Day!

Surely, nothing could be duller
Than a day without a cruller
In that toasted-almond color
So you know it’s cooked just right

I love fritters and berliners
Some say Boston Cremes are winners
Cider donuts for beginners
So you’re hooked at just one bite!

And it’s Donuts, Donuts, Donuts, and Hooray, Hooray, Hooray!
So let’s all go out and go nuts, saying Happy Donut Day!

In the US, the first Friday in June is, as you all know, National Doughnut Day (or National Donut Day). Rumor has it that both Krispy Kreme and Dunkin’ Donuts are handing out free donuts (or doughnuts) today. I don’t know; I’m on a diet. Besides, the best donut in the known universe (as determined by me, but objectively true nonetheless) is no longer being made. It was the apple fritter (don’t complain that it is not technically a donut–it is the perfection that every donut would want to be if were able to choose) made by a small bakery one town over from Cuttletown. I lived next door to that bakery 27 years ago, and never tired of those fritters. We moved away, and when I went back to visit over a decade later, they had discontinued their fritters! Customers just weren’t buying deep-fried pastries, so they got rid of the equipment (gasp!) and the recipe (horror!).

So, you can have your National Donut Day (or National Doughnut Day); for me, it is a day of mourning, for what was, for its time in the universe, the best possible argument for Platonic Ideals.

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    Yes yes yes yes! Apple fritters are the best doughnut EVER.butNo no no no! The very best donuts apple fritters ever made were certainly not the ones that you cite – they were the ones that my mother made in our old kitchen, with our own Macintosh apples, grown on the Massachusetts farm where I grew up. Eaten hot, with maple syrup……

  2. says

    I am an empiricist to the very cuttlebone, so I am of course willing to consider the unlikely possibility that your mother's apple fritters are better. I will, of course, require evidence. At a bare minimum, your mother's recipe. Better, of course, an invitation, come apple season!

  3. says

    I do love apple fritters, but the very best donuts I have ever had are buttermilk cake donuts. I have only seen them at two locations: Jolly Pirate stores in the Cincinnati/Dayton area, and Donut Drive-in on Chippewa St. in St. Louis (which used to have an expansion store at Hamption and Southwest, but that has sice closed). Every time I hear donut, my mouth drools over buttermilk cake.

  4. FunnyDiva says

    Oh, thank you, Cuttlefish!I needed a virtual sugar-rush this morning.More donuts/doughnuts, please!FunnyDivaOne of those some who say Boston Cremes are winners.Then again, mostly I say "so many doughnuts/donuts. So little time!"

  5. says

    Which Portland is that? One is a couple thousand miles further away than the other for me, and that might make a bit of a difference in planning the road trip.

  6. says

    Why, just the other day I ate a donut in my pajamas. What it was doing my pajamas I'll never know.Chorus: "Hooray, hooray, hooray!"

  7. says

    Nope– my mother's mashed potato doughnuts with mace. Cinnamon sugar, powdered sugar, or just plain. The hole was always perfectly crispy…I think I just put on weight reading that verse and these comments… :-((am now, however, officially addicted to the Digital Cuttlefish:-)

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